Am I unreasonable to feel annoyed about the TV being controlled?

[Disgruntled67tv]

Watching TV with OH. For context usually OH comes in from work when I’m cooking tea and sits down and watches TV within about 15m of coming home, today they were home first so tv was on already when I got home (I also work full time but come home and sort the house out etc straight away)

the show they were watching finishes and there is 30 minutes before something we are watching as a family. So I say, can I put on something I'm watching on my own for 30 minutes (it’s a series of 6 episodes each 60 min long) they said no I don’t want to watch then leaves the tv on the channel that was on already ( soap which we have never watched) and starting to play games on phone. After ten minutes I commented that as neither of us was watching it, what was the issue with me watching half an episode… the response was that they turned off the tv saying they don’t want to watch it… then when I commented that they were being controlling they said something pretty nasty in response so I left the room.
I’m feeling pretty annoyed.

Invest in another TV?
And /or a nicer dh..

Well he sounds deeply unpleasant. Why do you put up with it?

Why didn't you just pick.up the remote and change channel, while he was saying on his phone? I think I would invest in a 2nd TV tomorrow.

It really winds me up when my DH picks up the remote and ‘assumes’ we are watching football, but equally, he is happy for me to watch my own programmes. He sounds like a bloody controlling twonk!

Don’t invest in a new tv. Why are you with someone who clearly doesn’t care?

I don’t understand why you have to ask

He was home first but didn't make a start on getting tea ready?

He sounds horrid.

You're not a child, how dare he dictate what you can and cannot watch. I wouldn put up with this OP.

Your partner sounds like a jerk. That saiid, it’s all a weird obsession with tv watching. I cannot remember the last time Dh and I had time to watch anything on tv together. 😂 I mean, truly, I’d guess it’s been 2 years at least, with the exception of family Christmas movies with the dc at Christmas. We have stuff to do. There is definitely no daily tv watching for either of us. I can’t think of a time in recent memory when Dh has sat in the lounge watching anything.

But yes, he’s being a prick. I wouldn’t have asked permission though. I would have just turned it on or watched it on my phone.

It's all a weird obsession with thinking everyone else should act the same as you do.

Who died and made him king? In an equal partnership why does he get to choose? I don't watch tv anymore, but when I did we'd sit and jointly decide. Even now if I was in the living room, DH wouldn't put the tv on and watch something he knew I'd dislike (e.g. a horror film, or any programme that may contain rats).
He sounds like it's more about him asserting dominance than caring what's on the screen.
Edited to add detail.

Time to sort out some different ground rules which include equal contributions from your husband to sorting out the evening meal and anything else that needs doing in the evenings. Also that if you are the one stuck downstairs sorting out meals and other things then you get first choice on the TV,

Don’t ask. Just put your show on. If OH doesn’t want to watch it then OH can leave the room or put headphones on.

What a dickhead!

Tell us more about this Prince…

That was your H being downright nasty to you just for the sake of it OP.

Is this typical of how he generally behaves towards you in other things OP?

It certainly comes over that he thinks you are lesser than him in the relationship and you should do as you are told.

Get the tv out of the kitchen and both listen to music podcasts on earphones

So you walk in and sort the house, he walks in and watches TV? And it’s the fact that you can’t watch what you want that’s pissing you of?

He sounds like a dick.
Personally I watch my own shows on my iPad with headphones while I'm pottering but that's not a solution to your dickhead DH problem.

Indeed. @Disgruntled67tv is the TV situation the tip of the iceberg?

“7yo7yo · Today 07:16
So you walk in and sort the house, he walks in and watches TV? And it’s the fact that you can’t watch what you want that’s pissing you of?”

This. What’s going on here, OP? The problems in your relationship sound bigger than just the TV. It’s his job as much as yours to sort the house, cook etc.

Exactly. He sounds like a right prince 🙄

You asked him instead of saying it was your turn. His program had finished. When the 10 minutes of non tv watching was happening you should have put your tv program on and if they don't want to watch it they can leave the room, the tv cannot leave the room.

The whole thing does feel like this is much more than just watching tv. This is about expectations not being met. He expects to come home and watch tv. What do you want? Lay those things out. You are preparing dinner when he comes home, why is he not preparing dinner when you come home? Why is he arsey about you doing the exact same thing he had just been doing, ie watching tv? There is a lot to unpack.

This is not about TV OP but for reference in our house we broadly take it in turns. I’ll also go and have a bath and he’ll watch his programmes and I’ll watch my shows and he’ll play around on his laptop if he’s not interested. I wouldn’t have a problem asking to watch something I know he’s not interested in

My husband is like this with the telly. I don’t tend to watch very often, but we have a number of shows we both watch and I have a couple of old favourites that I like to rewatch if I have some free time and feel like being lazy.

At a weekend, my husband will be downstairs before me on the whole (I am up later than him in the evening and struggle with sleep so now the kids are all 14+ I’ll go back to sleep in the morning if I can). I’ll come down and he’ll be watching something of his, having been watching for hours (I’ll often stay upstairs once up either playing on my phone, reading, etc to leave him to have the tv in peace). So I’ll sit down and quietly play some games on my phone whilst he’s finishing off the film or episode. The amount of times it finishes and he literally just puts something else of his on astounds me. I’m not always in the mood for watching tv, so it doesn’t bother me in that sense - it’s the selfishness of not even asking or considering watching something we might both enjoy. I have called him out on this a few times, and he always says “why didn’t you say something”. Of course I could have said something, but the other way around, I always either stop what I’m watching as soon as he comes in or I say this has got 5/10 mins to go, are you ok if I finish it then put something of ours on? It’s the fact he just doesn’t consider me.

That said, in the situation you describe, if I asked him could I put something on I wanted to watch if he wasn’t actually watching what was on, he wouldn’t have an issue with that. So I think yours is worse than mine!

Does he do anything around the house at other times? I get some people want to come in, sit down and relax then do some jobs, whereas others would rather get the jobs done so once they sit down, they are done and can unwind. So I’ll reserve judgement on that in case he dies his share just at different times!

The house should be sorted by either of you, the meal should be cooked by the first person home, you shouldn’t be asking for his permission, he shouldn’t be playing on his phone while you cook, he doesn’t have the right to veto what you want, he’s bang out of order saying something nasty because you (rightly) persisted.
There’s just so much wrong here.
You’re not his inferior. You’re not his maid.
Assert yourself and put an end to this nonsense. Be decisive and follow through.