How fast is too fast?

[Calorblue]

I let a guy online dating 7 weeks ago. I’m 60, he’s 55, though I am regularly mistaken for being younger than my age.
He is refreshingly lovely and direct, didn’t waste any time asking me for a video chat on two occasions followed by some lovely dates. We clicked and gone on brilliantly, it’s been lovely.
He owns a restaurant with a flat above, and has introduced me to his staff and they have all been very welcoming when I been there waiting for him to finish before and after our dates.
He has been very open about feeling a lot for me which has been lovely for me after years of being neglected in relationships, and he’s now talking about a possible future together. I’ve teased him about love bombing etc but I also like him a lot. We are very deep text and honest with each other, he has asked me if my reticence has been because I’ve been let down in the past, which I guess has scarred me, but I don’t want to bring past hurts into a new relationship.
He is saying’no pressure’ but explains his eagerness to at least start talking about the future is because we don’t have much life left to waste time dating people 6 months here, 6 months there.
I’m all in but also cautious… is this a red flag from him?

For the first six months I wouldn't even have the 'is there a future in this?' conversation. I would say: "Pedro, this is lovely, I am really enjoying myself, but I have mayonnaise in my fridge older than our seven-week friendship - let's let things take their course and not talk about the future until we know one another a lot better."

I think it’s perfectly normal to show some ‘reticence’ about future planning with someone you’ve been dating 7 weeks. What does he expect exactly? The fact he’s phrased it like that is vaguely manipulative too imo. Like anyone should be at this stage.

Interesting question.
I met someone ‘in the wild’ just over a year ago and was nervous because he was talking about our future, telling his friends and family about us by our third date etc.
But… as a widower he had no idea about ‘rules’ and would never have even thought about OLD, so it was in fact just genuine old/fashioned enthusiasm. We have since been on 6 holidays and several weeks away.
Actions speak louder than words. As long as his actions are those you are comfortable with and are consistent I would just go along with it, and enjoy.

My sister was widowed at 63, she was solo for a year and then met a man in the wild. They were living together a year later, so she was 65, he was close to 70. I think it depends on what you want. Unsure here, if you were 20 years younger then fair enough but healthy years alive lessen every year, all this we live till our eighties is meaningless if you are really unwell. Does he mean moving in together?

Enjoy the moment don’t run before you can walk. You’ve known this man all of five minutes, he wouldn’t be the first man to future fake in order to fast track things.

First answer nails it.

If he starts putting pressure on you to make plans, other than dates/short breaks away, then yes that is a red flag.

7 weeks is no time at all. I don't care how much time he thinks he's got left. Red flag from me. How can he feel a lot for you, he barely knows you.

7 weeks is 49 days.

The cynic in me says the lease is due for renewal on his restaurant and flat, and he’s looking for a home and a comfortable retirement plan because he doesn’t have one.

As long as he's not angling to move in with you I'd take it as slow as you want.

I may be cynical, but let me guess. You have a house.

Yes, 7 weeks in and talking about the future is red flag city and love bombing.

He’s definitely not hoping to move in with me, we live in different cities and he has an empty flat with no mortgage in London that he says he could move to at any time. He says he’d like to retire in the next couple of years and travel etc, but I explained I couldn’t afford to retire early Neil retirement age then he said he could help me

**until not Neil :)

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To be honest DH and me talked about what we wanted in the future after a couple of months and moved in after 6. We were together 3 years before actually getting married though and had our kids after that. I’d say the first 6 months should be about getting to know eachother and having fun and don’t do anything that’s difficult to get out of for at least a year

What is the rush? You aren't moving in together, you aren't planning kids. Just date him and see where it goes for a year or two.

7 weeks is too early to be discussing a future, and certainly too early to even be considering accepting any help that might allow you to retire early! Also, why does he think he doesn't have much time left at 55? He's got a couple of decades if there are no serious medical conditions. Just enjoy the moment, and let things develop organically and in due course..

Oh no. I would never trust a man he says he could financially help me after 7 weeks.
He owns a flat in London and it’s empty? In a capital where a shoebox goes for a fortune?
Have a lovely time.
Go on dates and have fun.
But don’t go down the future route just yet.
Deep texts mean nothing.
I know I sound like an old cynic. I am close to your age.
When we meet someone we present the best version of ourselves.
We don’t real gel as a couple until we’ve each met the real version, faults and all.
I worry that he’s in such a hurry and pinning your behaviour on previous hurts?
If he were 75 I would get the hurry but he’s 55. He could live another 30 years - what’s the rush?
If you are meant to be together it will happen naturally.
But for some reason he’s forcing the issue and I would be very concerned as to why.

he has an empty flat with no mortgage in London that he says he could move to at any time

Aye right.

Even if he does have that I’d be wary at him saying you could move in there at any time after 7 weeks. Deep texting could be love bombing.

He definitely does, doesn’t need to rent it out he stores stuff in there and it needs redecorating

Around 8 including a night away at a spa

Oh come on! You barely know him.