Discovered DH was having an affair 4 years ago. Long story short, we decided to stay together, especially for DC who at the time were 4 and 6 but for me that wasn’t the only reason. I still loved him. It was such a painful time and honestly now I am beginning to wonder if it was worth it. He confessed to previous affairs when I found out about the last one as well, so it wasn’t a one off and I think he was in love with the latest one (though he denied it). I obviously can’t know.
Anyway he stayed, and seemed to want to as well, but fast forward to now and I feel like I am the one keeping the marriage going. He works all the time. When he isn’t at work he’s doing his hobbies. He did all the right things post discovery like counselling and he changed jobs, and seemed to be invested in making it work. Holidays, new pets, usual family stuff. Now I feel like it’s all me, it’s like he is physically here but not really invested. He also had an issue with making a picture of us public on his social media and I know it’s a small thing but it has made me feel quite insecure. He did in the end but I feel a bit like it was to keep me quiet.
The OW also moved recently too, and they now work in the same city. I don’t think he has contacted her (I have access to his phone) but it has rattled me slightly. He says I am being silly and it’s been years and it’s all in the past.
We don’t have sex that much either, and honestly sometimes it feels like it’s more out of duty than anything else. I have found it hard sometimes since generally but there have been periods when it’s been good.
Is this just the return to ‘normal’ marriage and I’m being over sensitive or am I picking up on a tip in the scales where I am now having to do the work maintaining it all… and he is just here but not really? And if so am I just delaying the inevitable?
I don’t know what to think anymore. Can’t really speak to friends as I don’t know what is normal for marriages post affair!