I'm so fed up of it all. My partner's work is so all consuming and with random things appearing at short notice all the time that I never feel able to plan or properly supported. We keep going through cycles where I get to the pinnacle of what I can stand, we argue, he won't discuss anything in any meaningful way, I can't see a way through and it just dissipates until the next time. Nothing is ever resolved. He's been working doing overnighters in his office this weekend, only letting me know last minute he's staying late then walks in at midday and leaves again a couple of hours later with no exact time of return given. I feel that's unreasonable, he feels he's slogging his guts out for his family.
There are so many issues but he won't discuss any of them. We haven't had sex in over 7 years. This wasn't a mutual decision and the sex was good at the beginning. We've only been together 10 years and it just disappeared of a cliff edge almost as soon as we got married. Further to the upset of not having a sex life is that he will not discuss it, any time I've tried he makes a joke of it and that's that. His first wife cheated on him, which he talks about and the pain of it still almost 20 years later. Alongside the refusal to dicuss our own sex life. So we don't do it, we don't talk about why we don't do it but I'm constantly reminded about what an awful experience it was for him to be cheated on. So basically, don't do it elsewhere.
He works endlessly, making it hard to plan. I feel isolated as it's hard to maintain friendships when we have a child to look after. Parenting defaults to me to the degree I only arrange meet ups in nursery time (not that many friendships have survived a weekday lunch meet up once pr twice a year unfortunately). This further impacts, as the nursery time was intended for me to work in but is so consistently taken up by anything I can't do with my son in tow that work output is minimal. Evenings and weekends he is so sporadically around that I can't rely on that time for appointments, exercise, socialising, or unfettered ability to do chores without also having to entertain a child, dog walks, helping elderly parents, and anything else that shouldn't be impinging on my work time, but ultimately does.
I thought things might get better time wise once my son starts school but seeing as it just adds a few extra hours to my time without him I can see that's not going to be the case, at least not for a long time.
It's proving impossible to get my work going again in any meaningful way, so I'm currently financially dependent. I feel utterly trapped. I've got to the point I want to leave because the arguments around the same issues are never solved, never even addressed from his side. It's torturous to be unheard all the time. Life is continuous tedium with nothing to look forward to.
Something that happened a couple of years ago when I was ill has also made me look at him in a completely different light. When I married him, obviously I thought we were meant for each other and loved him, but the way he acts especially in the light of what happened, means I no longer believe that and am starting to completely resent him.
We haven't had a night out together for us as a couple in over 5 years. It feels absurd even typing that but he will not even discuss it, let alone rectify it when it comes up. However he'll pepper conversations with ideas of exciting things, both in terms of my career and our social life, but they never materialise and it's gone from feeling hopeful to feeling hollow and manipulative because it's happened so often over the years.
I swing between feeling hopeless and feeling furious. I worry about my son and the impact of such a terrible relationship template on him, but also the impact splitting up would have. And of how on earth I would navigate a split in financial terms. I'm getting low and don't know how to navigate this.