Marriage in middle age - why?

[Thatsnotallgood]

If you remarried in your 50s and 60s can I ask why?

inspired by may recent threads talking about marriages that happen at a life stage when there is no likelihood of children together. In particular questions around inheritance etc.

I ask because I’ve been with my DP for 12 years and we still live apart and keep our finances completely separate. When we first met I assumed that I might want us to marry at some point but the more time goes on, the less inclined I feel.

i could imagine living together with all the legalities nailed down. Am I missing something about the reason for marrying in middle age?

Brilliant! 😍

FIL just remarried at 80 (wife is in 70s) to someone he met a year beforehand. None of us can understand the need. The only reason I can see is she is after his money (he sold his house and bought her stepchildren out of their half of her house). We are all assuming DH and brothers will now not inherit anything as she’ll outlive him and will make sure he doesn’t re do his will.
It does seem rather pointless at 80, not like they’ll be building a family together. They had a big full on proper wedding too. We are all completely baffled by it. Would understand more if they’d been together a long time/ had a life together/ had created assets together etc

Never wanted to be married but did it after 25 years together ( with grown up kids) for pensions, inheritance tax and to be next of kin in case of health emergencies etc

I think it may be a pension thing. If you marry before your pension kicks in then when you die your spouse will get the pension but at a reduced rate usually 50%.

Can you not write a will that specifically does not disinherit your child?

Marrying doesn't make you next of kin.

I know someone who remarried in their 80s after being both widowed. There weren't any assets or anything. They just wanted to make that commitment to each other. I think it was for the companionship. Maybe partly generational that they felt they needed that to move in together.

It doesn't? Because when we have medical things, the next of kin is always the spouse first, children second.

People need to have whatever arrangement suits them. 2 retired colleagues of mine had always been a couple but lived separately, they got married when the younger one retired. No children, they still lived separately until one was ill. I know another couple who lived together for years before getting a civil partnership. It was for security/inheritance but ended up being very romantic. He has a grown up son who doesn't need to inherit and is pleased for them.

Your next of kin is whoever you nominate when filling in forms but that only makes them an emergency contact anyway - you would have to do a lasting power of attorney to give them legal decision making authority. Marrying someone doesn't change the level of power they have to choose whether to turn off your life support or similar.

Not long after my mum met her dh he was very very ill. They thought he might not make it- he said if I’m not going to make let’s marry now so you get the spousal part of pension. He pulled through - they are married now anyway (not purely for financial reasons) but it can be a big factor.

Marrying the love of your life surrounded by friends and family is an amazing thing.

We had a pre nup but have similar assets and for us marriage was an obvious step.

I don’t want a boyfriend or partner. I love having a husband and living together. We bought a house together first.

Could you try to be slightly less misogynistic about her? She's entering into serious relationships, not random hook ups, so even if it were OK to criticise her sexual choices, she's clearly not promiscuous.

inheritance tax is one big reason, another is it’s simpler on paperwork re consent in medical situations but ultimately we wanted to. Plus there are countries where not being married is an issue, I was worried changing planes in the Middle East for instance a few years ago before we were married, and quite frankly we lied in a couple of places as it was simpler than filling in two forms, much of the world is still like that.

Definitely!
That's a whole can of worms right there.

Fair enough though, unless you nominate someone else, they usually default to the closest relative as the next of kin.

When my DD (adult) was in need of some services and unable to speak for herself, I was asked if she had a partner. She didn't, so I was automatically considered the next of kin.

I guess it’s traditional in my family and my husband’s. We all marry and make a legal and spiritual commitment to the person we love. I love saying “my husband” it means something to me, just like my vows. I don’t care what other people do but marriage is very much part of my family and our beliefs.

Well it wasn't the main reason, which was financials, but I still think in an emergency saying 'im his wife' would have more impact than 'im his girlfriend' or whatever.
I think I would have done a civil partnership rather than marriage tbh, but it felt easier

FIL remarried at 63. He and his partner had been together a couple of years, he adored her and they wanted to be husband and wife. 20+ years later they are still very happy.

For some people - like DH and me - being a partner would never be enough.

I think marriage does make you someone’s next of kin - and a quick google confirms this. But admittedly have not thoroughly researched it.

Because I loved him very, very much.

I remarried at 50, dh was 57. I was divorced, he was widowed. I have 2 kids, he has none of his own though always wanted them.

We both wanted to get married. For me, the biggest thing was the knowledge that I'd been married for 20 odd years to an abusive man, and it was really important to me to make a strong and public statement about dh's importance in my life, he is 100 times the better person and I would have hated him to feel he was somehow not good enough to marry when it had been my choice before.

This was with both dds' blessing, obviously. They love him, both wanted to be bridesmaids and eldest made a wonderful speech where she thanked him for "showing me I don't need to be scared of men". It took the whole room by surprise and meant the absolute world to him.

My dds will inherit my house (he'd always been in rented) but he has a lifetime interest ie allowed to stay in it for his lifetime. All finances are joint. Neither of us are high earners and there's never any spare anyway. My ex doesn't support my dds. Dh has stepped up (entirely his choice) hugely and insists on his pensions benefitting us all, all income goes to joint account and pays the bills etc. He's using one pension to take us all on holiday for the first time ever (and first time in many years for me and dds). Entirely his choice and incredibly generous.

So each to their own, but emotional reasons rather than financial were 100% the driving force here.

@Madarch It absolutely doesn’t if you write a will correctly and get financial advice. It’s important to do this and you don’t have to leave everything to your spouse. You can leave it as a lifetime interest for spouse.

It does but next of kin has no legal standing. You need POA for health for that. Common sense tends to dictate that medical teams go tend to speak to the next if kin but legally they can't make any medical decisions for them.

What a lovely post @EmeraldDreams73 I hope you have a wonderful holiday.