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Original poster

Patriarchy is behind male unhappiness

27 replies

Sheeled · 29/04/2026 23:58

I realise this is hardly a revelation, but wanted to explore one idea that occurred to me watching " Adolescence" "Half Man" & my reading and observation.
It seems to me that a big part of the reason for straight male desperation is the fear of.not being able to attract a woman.
Clearly women and gay men who want and don't have a relationship are also at risk of severe frustration and possible isolation. However many more women and gay men have active, deep caring friendships that nourish their emotional needs, compared to many straight men.
Why? Because of the conditioning of the patriarchy that straight "real" men don't have emotions, and shouldn't provide emotional support to anyone as this is women's stuff.

The reality is, all human beings have emotional needs, hence the rise of the so called male "emotional golddigger".

Would the term "incel" have the emotional resonance it does if men could have close emotional bonds with each other? Don't know. Obviously even then there would be the issue of sexual desire, but again, would.men experience desire at a level that realistically may not be possible to be satiated if they had more loving physical contact with each other?

Lastly, you may know the book "women dont owe you pretty". Time for a male version- men don't owe you strong/stoic/wealthy"?

Would be interested to hear your thoughts.

OP posts:
Notachristmaself · Today 10:34

Sheeled · 30/04/2026 10:28

Absolutely to the previous poster. The appalling lack of emotional skills, susceptibility to manipulation, not listening, inability to find an alternative system to capitalism, all lead to dreadful treatment of others. You're quite right to point out the sheer amount of human suffering that goes back to mens inability to cope.
I really do not know what it will take for men to see how much misery could be avoided if they just did some work on themselves and recognised and in some way coached those among them who behave badly

I think a lot of men when they marry and have children think they are really clever, avoiding all the boring bits of childcare- the school pick ups, the parents evenings/ soft play/ play groups/ birthday parties then, suddenly they realise their children have grown older and they've missed out, but it's too late by then, kids grow up whether you're there or not and they get regretful about spending their time at work. But from what I have seen from my friends and myself is a lot of it was presenteeism, where they could have got home early but chose to have a 3 hour lunch break and then work until 7 for example. So maybe in that sense the Patriarchy is harming them, because of the things said above- it's other men who expect men to do this, and the macho culture surrounding them.

ApricotTulip · Today 10:43

CookingFatCat · 30/04/2026 02:16

Women, when single don’t get angry or become victims. They turn to female friendships and mixed groups and inward for self improvement, hobbies, working on social skills and self esteem.
Men just get angry at women because they aren’t attractive and don’t see it as anything to do with them, but all to do with women.

Not all women or all men.

Edited

I agree with that. I've been single since being widowed and that description is accurate for me

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