I can see him falling out of love with me

[pinkelephant22]

Just as above ☹️ I feel quite awful.

we have two beautiful daughters. 7months old and 3 years old .

I hate my body. I hate it. And I know I’m not the person he met but I feel exhausted and ashamed.

I get in the shower every morning and before I get In I look at my new body in the mirror and I feel like its not mine. Its disgusting. My boobs are disgusting I have 2 c section scars and an overhang. Cellulite. It’s just horrid I feel like I punish myself by looking in the mirror. And I don’t do anything about it as I’m just so deflated.

i wouldn’t blame him for having an affair 🥺

Aw bless you, 7 months is a very new baby and your body has done something incredibly so please don't be too hard on yourself. Your partner should appreciate that, you have plenty of time to do some exercise and things that improve the appearance of everything but don't rush into it, take it at your own pace. The words you use like 'hate' are very strong and your feelings about your body may make you overthink what your partner is thinking. I bet you look lovely and congratulations on your new baby!

OP you have only given birth 7 months ago. And your oldest child is only 3. Of course your body is different.

Of course you arent the same person as when he met you because you are a mother now. That is such a precious and special thing to be.

And if your partner doesn't love you all the more because of the 2 wonderful children you have birthed then there is something lacking in him.

Be proud of yourself. And your body will recover from the birth. You just need to give it time.

How is HE treating you? Start there. Need to know if this a you problem or a him problem.

Your boobs etc are disgusting to you. I’m sure your husband doesn’t think so!

He’s more likely to have an affair and fall out of love if you keep this negative attitude up! It’s silly. What do you think happens to your body when you have a baby? What about when you get old? Do you really think your husband is that shallow and was onto with you for your looks?

If you don’t feel good about yourself it’s not unusual after having a baby! Gently ease yourself back into whatever routine works for you. I think you should try to be proud of the fact you’ve birthed two humans and try to accept that your worth extends far beyond how your body looks.

It sounds more like you’ve fallen out of love with yourself. Be honest, how much of it is coming from his words and behaviour and how much is you projecting your own insecurities and dislike of the changes to your body?

if it’s actually coming from him then he’s a nasty arsehole and once you’re feeling stronger you can consider your options in leaving him and building a life where you’re not judged for perfectly natural and normal changes to your body. If it’s that you think that he MUST be thinking those things because it’s what YOU are thinking, you need to talk to him, potentially look at counselling and even consider ADs if you’re feeling depressed.

Ah thank you. I realise I’m sounding quite pathetic …. And I know it’s pathetic when I’m saying it but he does ask me
go gym etc and he also bought a treadmill. But by the time I’m doing drop off for my eldest getting home feeding her putting her down for her nap, then when she’s napping I’m getting her solids cooked, blended, frozen she up. Play time stories feeding them bottles. Wash the bottles sterilise bottles feed her give her solids wash up nap time play time solids milk pick up bath time bed time for both kids my shower get into bed the treadmill is the last thing I can think about

exercise is really good for YOU (not for him!) when I was on maternity leave I did lots of really long pram walks (during naps) and also buggy fit classes were great, you can incorporate playtime into your exercise (IF you want to) babies love to watch their mums do work out dvds etc.
another good hack is to have enough bottles to get you through the day and washing and sterilizing them is dads job when he returns ☺️

Instead of trying to get everything done in the day, why not hand the baby over when he comes in and go for a walk or a swim? Especially on sunny days. Getting out of the house and being alone (at least, no baby) is as important as exercise.
There will be a walking group, women running group, something.

Could he take both DC at the weekend and give you time to exercise? Not necessarily the treadmill - something you will enjoy!

Did you want or ask for a treadmill? How is your relationship otherwise?

How much does your h do at home? Does he do his share?

I’d tell him that he can look after the Dc and do the housework at a weekend and I’d go out for a walk then…

Is he being kind?

Does he give you time, lessen your burden and mental load so you can go to the gym and use the treadmill?!

How in shape is he?

Is he supportive and loving and affectionate.

You aren't pathetic youve carried and birthed two children and it is very hard to get any free time with two children of any age!

The children have two parents, there must be time for you to take for yourself.

Tell him you don't need a treadmill, you need time and support. I recommend handing the kids over to him and going for a walk. It's good for the soul to be outside and good for your body to be moving. You don't owe him an aesthetically pleasing body but you owe yourself self-care.

Btw OP, it sounds more like you falling out of love with yourself than him x

Hi OP
I’ve got kids similar ages and got a horrible c section overhang. I’ve been going to the gym nearly every night once kids are asleep and my confidence has gone through the roof. I have been through the thoughts of “he isn’t going to fancy me anymore” but I KEEP reminding myself that this chapter in MY life is about ME and loving myself and my children. It’s not about looking good for him. I have spent my time since baby has been born focusing on myself and stopped worrying what he may or not think of me. If he loves me he will go along with it. Take your time and remember this chapter is about MAINLY you! And also taking care of the babies x

Ahh I think you’re right I’m falling out of love with myself and I’m in bit of a hole tbh.

he’s in good shape. He does gym 3-4 times a week and goes after work before he comes home so Ive already done bath time. I think its easier to go to the gym when you’re already out.

I need to take baby out on long walks I think that’s a good alternative. She was hospitalised over Christmas, DD1 (3) was admitted with super flu for 3 days and discharged, then the baby got blue lighted a few days before Christmas struggling to breathe so when she was discharged 5 days later I kept her home for a while. She’s a bit delayed in reaching her milestones but the HV not concerned - she said when baby’s are sick and hospitalised they can lose muscle tone etc and can set them back. I think maybe we need to get out of the house now it’s warmed up - the treadmill looks so unappealing right now, walks sound good !

He does gym 3-4 times a week and goes after work before he comes home so Ive already done bath time.

Ok, so set up a new arrangement where he goes to the gym 2 days a week while you do bath time and you go to the gym 2 days a week when he does bath time.

Is there any reason why that wouldn't work for you all?

Op this is so sad to read I bet you are a beautiful mum and human all round it’s hard to accept change but it’s still such early days. You need to speak to your DH explain how you feel, take that advice to share evenings and only if you want to go to the gym or swim or walks without the babies and get some time in the calendar for you.

Your DH is being selfish here and he needs to be woken up a bit, he can’t just be skipping bathtime and taking his own time out he’s a team now so that’s unfair.

Also by buying a treadmill he’s essentially making your exercise experience tied to the house! I’d actual have been a bit pissed off about that personally but then I was out and about and taking time for myself from day one.

whenever I find myself being negative about my body I always say “would you talk to a friend like that” the answer is always no.. it reminds me to be kind to myself and at 51 now I do find being kind easier.

So I’m 51 and I now love my body now. The treadmill won’t help though, if you have fat to lose it’s easier just to eat less. You need to lift weights and built some muscle, can start at home, and gradually increase the load as time goes on.

He needs to spend less time at the gum and more time helping to look after his children. No wonder you’re exhausted when it seems like you’re doing it all.

And I know it’s pathetic when I’m saying it but he does ask me
go gym etc and he also bought a treadmill.
Was this as a result of you complaining about your body or was it without any prompting from you?

helping to look after his children. Pulling his weight not helping.

You've had two babies and you have so much on your plate. Give yourself three cheers for being a lovely mum.

You literally carried and birthed 2 of his children. Do not let this man put you down, you’ll lose the weight when you’re ready.

If he’s the type of man who’d leave you because your body has changed after pregnancies, he’d be no loss.

Lose weight, tone up for your health and because you want to - not because you’re frightened your husband will have an affair if you don’t.