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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you go?

41 replies

PonderingOnIt · 27/04/2026 18:35

3 weeks ago I officially split from my boyfriend of just over a year. If I am honest it was a long time coming, filled with sketchy behaviour on his end (he was caught on Facebook dating in January having been matching people over christmas & new year) and distrust. The night we broke up he came over and hurled a load of blame at me for our relationship breakdown and his actions. I was quite upset and he used this to initiate us sleeping together. He immediately left afterwards and all contact stopped.

He randomly messaged me on Saturday saying "I lowkey hate you sometimes" and then again yesterday with "I don’t get you tbh but you’d like to grab some food together next week let me know". I said I would be open to meeting up to try and salvage a friendship as we had quite a good connection outside of the relationship issues. He, however, responded that we would be meeting as estranged lovers and has now gone back to no contact again.

Now, the more I think about it, I am generally confused and don't know if meeting up is a good idea. I have no idea what his intentions are and dont want to be stucked into something again. But I do care for him and want to stay in touch to some degree.

Help WWYD?

OP posts:
TheHouse · 27/04/2026 18:36

For goodness sake. Say no.

Figrollandgin · 27/04/2026 18:37

Honestly that’s the easiest no I could give you, not even a hesitation!

Melonjuice · 27/04/2026 18:39

" I low-key hate you sometimes" what is he a 18 year old road man or something? Why are you even considering someone like that? He can't even string a sentence properly, your post is written maturely and eloquently. Please do not consider going out with this hood rat again it will go same way as before, Because people like the way you have described him don't change, he will be "low key" trying it with gal on Facebook behind your back as he's probably being doing all along even while he messaged you
Just why would you give him another chance? What do you even miss about him? The cheating and making you feel paranoid and anxious?. Please drop this idea, he's only reaching out to you again because other women see him for what he is, don't let him pull the wool over your eyes

TheThingOnTheIce · 27/04/2026 18:40

Just block the fucker

Prisonbreak · 27/04/2026 18:44

obviously not

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 27/04/2026 18:45

He just wants a shag. That’s all.

wheresthesnowgone · 27/04/2026 18:46

For goodness sake walk away from this utter tool.

CleanShirt · 27/04/2026 18:46

Is he 12?

SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2026 18:56

Block him.

Estranged lovers?? That's code for "if you're lucky I'll fuck you and then go no contact again".

Sunisgettinganewhaton · 27/04/2026 18:58

He wants a shag.
Block and delete all messages.. You've got more self respect surely??

lurkingfromhome · 27/04/2026 18:58

Jesus, OP. Raise your standards. Maybe ask yourself why in god's name you even want to 'salvage a friendship' with this tool.

Jellycatspyjamas · 27/04/2026 18:58

Pick your self esteem up off the floor. He cheated on you, manipulated you into having sex and is even now messing you about. I don’t know you but I do know you deserve better.

MyBraveFace · 27/04/2026 19:01

"Lowkey hate you"? Why would you want to be with someone who comes out with such meaningless drivel?

IPM · 27/04/2026 19:01

You clearly still have feelings for him.

Block him, back off and try to forget about him.

BitOutOfPractice · 27/04/2026 19:04

No. Just no.

Dont text back. The best answer is no answer.

He’s playing you like a fiddle isn’t he?

Original poster
PonderingOnIt · 27/04/2026 19:04

Thanks everyone, writing it down made me realise I am likely going to be sucked back into something i dont want under false presence no matter how boundaries or self aware I go in to this.

I have been really calm these past few weeks and have just got on with my life. It is just these sporadic messages over the weekend that has set me off in a spiral of hope of some connection being saved. I really dont want to sleep with him again or have any physical or emotional involvement. I don't really know what is behind all this thought.

I have cancelled and dont intend to respond to him further.

OP posts:
Nosdacariad · 27/04/2026 19:16

PonderingOnIt · 27/04/2026 18:35

3 weeks ago I officially split from my boyfriend of just over a year. If I am honest it was a long time coming, filled with sketchy behaviour on his end (he was caught on Facebook dating in January having been matching people over christmas & new year) and distrust. The night we broke up he came over and hurled a load of blame at me for our relationship breakdown and his actions. I was quite upset and he used this to initiate us sleeping together. He immediately left afterwards and all contact stopped.

He randomly messaged me on Saturday saying "I lowkey hate you sometimes" and then again yesterday with "I don’t get you tbh but you’d like to grab some food together next week let me know". I said I would be open to meeting up to try and salvage a friendship as we had quite a good connection outside of the relationship issues. He, however, responded that we would be meeting as estranged lovers and has now gone back to no contact again.

Now, the more I think about it, I am generally confused and don't know if meeting up is a good idea. I have no idea what his intentions are and dont want to be stucked into something again. But I do care for him and want to stay in touch to some degree.

Help WWYD?

His intentions are, at best, access to you without any responsibility.

It will not end well if you get in touch 💐

HortiGal · 27/04/2026 19:21

He’s looking for a shag, nothing more, delete and block

SoSadSoSadSoSad · 27/04/2026 19:21

Block him. Never engage with him ever again. Why would you even want to be friends with such a twat?

Original poster
PonderingOnIt · 27/04/2026 19:55

So he has replied saying "Was kind of looking forward to it myself nm. It’s a funny irony you think that’s not good idea"

I think his responses have only highlighted that i have made the right decision and have been a bit silly to think there was anything genuine worth saving platonically in our connection.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 27/04/2026 21:57

Block him so that he can't message you again. Please don't give this loser any more of your headspace!

MMUmum · Yesterday 18:36

PonderingOnIt · 27/04/2026 18:35

3 weeks ago I officially split from my boyfriend of just over a year. If I am honest it was a long time coming, filled with sketchy behaviour on his end (he was caught on Facebook dating in January having been matching people over christmas & new year) and distrust. The night we broke up he came over and hurled a load of blame at me for our relationship breakdown and his actions. I was quite upset and he used this to initiate us sleeping together. He immediately left afterwards and all contact stopped.

He randomly messaged me on Saturday saying "I lowkey hate you sometimes" and then again yesterday with "I don’t get you tbh but you’d like to grab some food together next week let me know". I said I would be open to meeting up to try and salvage a friendship as we had quite a good connection outside of the relationship issues. He, however, responded that we would be meeting as estranged lovers and has now gone back to no contact again.

Now, the more I think about it, I am generally confused and don't know if meeting up is a good idea. I have no idea what his intentions are and dont want to be stucked into something again. But I do care for him and want to stay in touch to some degree.

Help WWYD?

He has you on a string like a yoyo! Pulling you back and letting you go again. Hard as it is you need to break the cycle, go cold turkey and resist all temptation

Mrsgreen100 · Yesterday 21:16

Oh dear do not have anything more to do with him. This behaviour is the beginning of coercive control. His behaviour is narcissistic. Don’t question yourself don’t doubt yourself have nothing more to do with them. Go live your life go on with that somewhere else and thank goodness it was a short relationship..

PolkaDotPorridge · Yesterday 21:26

No. You’d be silly to do so. It didn’t work out. Onwards and upwards!

Original poster
PonderingOnIt · Yesterday 21:53

Just an update, I didn't go to the lunch or responded to any contact from him. He posted some photos from our last date together (a couple days before we split) through my door at some point this afternoon and sent a message saying "how disappointed he is with my flaky behaviour and how glad he is to be dating again" and also how he had printed the photos out and decided to give me the spares".

Quite confused about all this but I am refusing to bite or respond.

OP posts: