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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

3 month relationship over….

42 replies

Lifegoeson2025 · 27/04/2026 09:52

First relationship since husband left a year ago, all was going well, great connection, we got on so well. Saw each other twice a week (I have kids), once during the week and one day at weekend for a few hours when kids were with dad.

His work got heavy so we didn’t see each other for a week. I was fine with that, but he made little effort to suggest times we could meet up. He had arranged to meet his friend at the weekend, but no mention of us seeing each other as he wanted to unwind after a busy week at work. This made me feel rubbish.

I understand that people unwind in different ways, but I have never ever asked for a lot. I am not a demanding person and I do not expect grand gestures, just some time with him.

Anyways, at the weekend we discussed this, he felt I wasn’t listening and I felt that he didn’t understand what I was asking for, which I felt was the bare minimum in a relationship, especially one so new.

He decided that it would be best for us to end the relationship as he didn’t want to hurt me, wasn’t ready for a relationship and didn’t feel he could give me what I wanted (just time with him!).

I feel gutted if I’m honest. I’ve had so many different opinions from people that I don’t know what to think. There is definitely no going back, which makes me very sad, as we got on so well and had great times together.

Was I wrong? I just feel so rubbish right now.

OP posts:

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 27/04/2026 09:55

I think you were wrong in this case, 3 months isn’t really a relationship neither. Your just seeing each other at that stage to kick off as he saw his friend over you is rather controlling.

TerracottaBowl · 27/04/2026 09:56

Did you post about this before? I’ll say what said then — no one was wrong, your needs were just incompatible. Absolutely not wrong to vocalise what you wanted. But neither was he wrong to decide he couldn’t give you that.

Sit with the discomfort, OP. It will pass.

Alwaysthesameoldstory · 27/04/2026 09:56

Sorry OP but it does sound as though you both wanted different things from the relationship. I think he did the right and honest thing by ending it.

Survivingnotthriving24 · 27/04/2026 09:57

It was early days and you both wanted different things, there's nothing you can do but let it go.

You wanted time with him in the limited time you have free from your children, and he doesn't want to commit to keeping those specific times solely for you at the expense of seeing friends etc. Both points are understandable but not compatible.

Original poster

Lifegoeson2025 · 27/04/2026 09:57

@SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack
I never said that at all. I said he was off to see his friend, which didn’t actually happen in the end, and that I hoped that I would be able to see him too.
I would never expect him to let down his friends for me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lifegoeson2025 · 27/04/2026 10:01

@TerracottaBowl
Just so disappointed it has come to an end after such a positive start. Hate this feeling inside.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lifegoeson2025 · 27/04/2026 10:03

@Alwaysthesameoldstory
He’s a good man and I agree that he has ended it in the best way he can. He has always been respectful .

OP posts:

ThisJadeBear · 27/04/2026 10:03

Considering some of the appalling treatment I see on here, like ghosting, this guy has been upfront, he’s ended things and he’s not wanted to cause you any pain.
That hurts right now but it’s better than months of someone lying and messing someone about.
You’ve asked for lots of opinions, we do that when we are upset, because we want and an answer, but here there is no answer it’s just an ending.
You will have been heartsore after your divorce and a guy comes along you’ve had a connection with - take that as a positive. You’ve decided what you would like in a relationship and asked for it - that’s not wrong. In fact it’s good you did. It’s just that he didn’t want the same thing. Don’t think by asking something you’ve put him off - each person has an equal say.
I think it’s quite rare to get a divorce and then meet someone and for that singular person to be your next long term relationship.
He clearly wants female company on his own terms - good for him, and good luck finding women who don’t mind that, because I think he will be searching long and hard if that’s the case.
You don’t want to waste precious time with someone who doesn’t have the same goals. Yes, you can get on well but you will know from divorce that relationships can be complex and being compatible is what works best.
Take some time for yourself and away from dating for a bit. You are a bit vulnerable right now. I call men who have a radar for vulnerable women the Arsehole Patrol, and it’s like a siren goes off when there’s a heartbroken woman around.
You will get there and when you do meet someone who matches your goals, you’ll be glad no more time was devoted to Runaway Ronnie here…

mondaytosunday · 27/04/2026 10:05

You are in the wrong. He said he had a full on week and was already seeing a friend. To then insist he make time for you too (and you did insist if it became a point to be talked about later) is too much and I could see from his point of view that you may be more demanding than he’s prepared for. Good he called time on the relationship now.

Riapia · 27/04/2026 10:05

When a relationship however brief ends one party is usually upset. There seems to be nothing you could have done about that.
There is still a future out there for you OP.
Put on a smile and go forward.
Very best of luck next time, you deserve it.
😉🌺🌺.

TerracottaBowl · 27/04/2026 10:05

Lifegoeson2025 · 27/04/2026 09:57

Yes, but you were implicitly reproaching him for not arranging to see you too. It presumably made him realise he wasn’t up for having to juggle around things to see you at the weekend after a brutal week at work.

Again, no one’s at fault.

TerracottaBowl · 27/04/2026 10:07

Lifegoeson2025 · 27/04/2026 10:01

@TerracottaBowl
Just so disappointed it has come to an end after such a positive start. Hate this feeling inside.

I get that. But I think better for it to have ended cleanly like this after three months, than at six months after a tapering period of mutual resentment over plans/scheduled times to see one another.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 27/04/2026 10:09

This is what dating is for.

Anyone can appear to be perfect for someone else at the start. It's spending time together (or not) that shows whether you are compatible. You aren't. That's fine. It's a shame and it hurts and you allowed to be peeved and annoyed, but better you break up now than you both try to fit in with one another and then find out that you are incompatible another year down the line.

You can do better, and you will.

Original poster

Lifegoeson2025 · 27/04/2026 10:10

@ThisJadeBear
Thank you. I think deep down I knew that perhaps we weren’t always on the same page, but I kept thinking that it would all work out.
I do need time out to focus on me. I’ve had a rubbish year and being with this new man really made me happy, but the loss has hit me hard.

OP posts:

2026newname · 27/04/2026 10:14

What difference would a week or two without seeing him make? People are busy and if a connection can’t survive a short break then it wasn’t meant to be.

Sensiblesal · 27/04/2026 10:25

I think there is a difficulty when you go from being married or in a long term relationship where you suddenly become single and start dating again.

I think your expectations can differ slightly because by default you go to acting like its a long term thing quite quickly & serious. This can be hard for the other party particularly if they haven’t come from the same situation.

thats what has happened here and he has recognised that he can’t give you what you want, which appears to be diving head first into a serious relationship.

seems its right for him to have respectfully ended it, he can’t give you what you need.

You need to be realistic here, you both had limited time to see each other to work around your kids, that shouldn’t come at the cost of him not being able to see friends after a stressful week. I think so early in you have to be a bit more flexible you are still getting to know each other and haven’t merged your lives. Its a major red flag to be telling someone not to see their friend so early on too.

maybe some time single would help, you sound like you don’t have much time for dating anyway

Crikeyalmighty · 27/04/2026 10:35

I do think Op when you are used to a24/7 marriage or live in relationship it can be hard to go back to the more casual dating scene where you are in the mix but less of a priority , my son ditched his lovely live in girlfriend for the reason she always wanted 100% of his free time and despite chats it always crept back to that - at least you are aware of this after quite a short time.

PaperMachePanda · 27/04/2026 10:41

Given he saw seeing you as a chore I think you're best out of it.

He doesn't sound particularly great.

Original poster

Lifegoeson2025 · 27/04/2026 10:48

@Sensiblesal
Just to be clear, I did not have a problem with him seeing his friend and would never stop him from seeing his mates:

OP posts:

ProudAmberTurtle · 27/04/2026 10:50

It's really horrible when relationships like this don't work out, but the fact you've split up after three months should tell you it was never going to work.

In my experience you'll feel down for about a week but then start feeling positive again.

You did the right thing IMO.

TerracottaBowl · 27/04/2026 10:50

Lifegoeson2025 · 27/04/2026 10:48

@Sensiblesal
Just to be clear, I did not have a problem with him seeing his friend and would never stop him from seeing his mates:

But it sounds as if you did, really.

Or you saw him arranging in advance to see his friend at the weekend when he hadn't arranged to see you as a problem, as you say in your OP that it 'made me feel rubbish'.

MarieTheresevonWerdenberg · 27/04/2026 10:53

As a PP said, you appeared to be “diving head first into a serious relationship”. It may not seem so from how you are looking at it, but he felt that you were being too intense.

Next time try to be a bit more laid back and keep it casual. Don’t let other potential boyfriends - who may not be as nice as this guy - take advantage of your vulnerability and your longing to be in a steady, loving relationship.

Laurmolonlabe · 27/04/2026 11:18

Sounds like she is more interested in a visa than a long term future with you son- better to know now.

Laurmolonlabe · 27/04/2026 11:20

Laurmolonlabe · 27/04/2026 11:18

Sounds like she is more interested in a visa than a long term future with you son- better to know now.

Sorry this relates to a different post.

Laurmolonlabe · 27/04/2026 11:23

3 months is still early days- some men find any kind of neediness a turn off, and you making demands on his time for the first time seems to have triggered this, don't be too sad he can't be a really good guy if he plays those games.

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