3 month relationship over….

[Lifegoeson2025]

First relationship since husband left a year ago, all was going well, great connection, we got on so well. Saw each other twice a week (I have kids), once during the week and one day at weekend for a few hours when kids were with dad.

His work got heavy so we didn’t see each other for a week. I was fine with that, but he made little effort to suggest times we could meet up. He had arranged to meet his friend at the weekend, but no mention of us seeing each other as he wanted to unwind after a busy week at work. This made me feel rubbish.

I understand that people unwind in different ways, but I have never ever asked for a lot. I am not a demanding person and I do not expect grand gestures, just some time with him.

Anyways, at the weekend we discussed this, he felt I wasn’t listening and I felt that he didn’t understand what I was asking for, which I felt was the bare minimum in a relationship, especially one so new.

He decided that it would be best for us to end the relationship as he didn’t want to hurt me, wasn’t ready for a relationship and didn’t feel he could give me what I wanted (just time with him!).

I feel gutted if I’m honest. I’ve had so many different opinions from people that I don’t know what to think. There is definitely no going back, which makes me very sad, as we got on so well and had great times together.

Was I wrong? I just feel so rubbish right now.

I think the posters who have noted the impact of habits and expectations formed from a long-term live in relationship have nailed it. I was with my first BF for nearly 3 years. About 9 months later, when i started dating someone else, i kind of expected to default to something akin to where first BF and i had been about 1-2 years into my previous relationship without allowing for the fact that we needed to build to that. As it happened, we lasted only about 6 weeks. It’s hard but 3 months in is a bit soon to be putting on a lot of pressure around seeing someone when otherwise they have proven to be quite reliable and responsive.

I'm sorry OP, it's horrible when you have felt it was going well and the relationship is ended unexpectedly. It's ok to feel sad but don't let it get you down too much and try and get out and about, see friends etc. It was early days and it sounds like he's just not the one for you.

Welcome to dating after a long term relationship ends. I’m sure this won’t be the last budding relationship that fizzles or ends after seeming to amazing for a short while OP. Me and my friends have been there many times. Either ending it ourselves or the other party ending it. Dating can be brutal, bus sometimes worth it in the end.

Just out of interested - are you living near Haywards Heath

I think sometimes the baggage/hurt we carry on from a big breakup can make us over react in the following relationship break ups. Whereas in reality this guy doesn’t sound to have done anything wrong and it’s quite healthy to take your time in a new relationship and still see friends etc. I think you were perhaps desperately hoping this new relationship would replace your past relationship, even if you didn’t realise that, and that’s why you were so upset. (did it myself in the past). But it’s not personal- you just have different needs and expectations.

Given that you only saw him twice a week, fairly briefly, and you were only seeing him for three months, I would describe this as dating rather than a relationship as such. Obviously it's always sad to split from someone you liked, but you need to keep this in perspective.

This was the first person you dated after you split with your husband. I don't think it's necessarily realistic to assume that the very first person you date after a marriage breakup will automatically be the one that lasts forever, just like you can't assume that your first relationship full stop is going to be the one that lasts forever. It sounds like you jumped in with both feet and in a way that's a lovely quality to have, but try to be pragmatic.

You were not compatible with this man. He was a nice bloke, but he didn't want the same sort of relationship that you did.

I dont think 3 months is long enough to say its a relationship .. its probably too soon for you .
You will still be in the thoughts or habits you were in your marriage .
Stay on your own make a new you self love and all those things it sounds cliche but its true .. you need to be alone or just enjoy someone's company, don't put all your eggs in one basket .
Find hobbies new friends that way you also raise your standards x

You were wrong. You were only 9 months separated when you started dating which was very soon, too soon in my opinion. You didn't give yourself time to come to terms with your husband leaving, and being on your own again.

You should have spent some time to process things and even after meeting this man, you should have enjoyed some lone time when your children weren't with you. It's a big shock to the system when a marriage ends, especially when it wasn't of your own choosing.

I think this man was right, and gracious to end things, as you were coming across as needy. It was good of him to end things like an adult, rather than just ghosting you.

You were casually dating this guy for 3 months. You didn't pick up on the fact that when his work got heavy, he wasn't suggesting times to meet up and he wanted a little space. He wanted one weekend to himself to unwind and meet a friend but you pushed and yes, that was demanding of his time. When you got needy, he broke up with you.

You two sound a bit incompatible. You want someone who will see you regularly and he wanted space to have his own life along with a gf.

Him wanting a weekend to himself shouldn't make you feel like rubbish. That's kind of indicating some insecurity or a self esteem issue for you to work on.

Sounds like he wasn’t as into you as you were him. Let him go.

This is part of dating, unfortunately. You might get your hopes high because you really get on with someone but the other person isn't as invested. Men are also usually incapable of multi-tasking, if something major is going on in their lives, they need to focus on that and dating suffers. It is frustrating but it is what it is. Also, given that you are only able to see each other for a few hours here and there, how sustainable would it have been long-term? I would say keep dating, have fun, and enjoy for a bit.

your thread when I got to the end, the thing that resonated was “when my husband left me”
There’s so much around needing to get a new relationship feeling lonely replacing what’s gone before, et cetera, et cetera, but sometimes starting new relationship too soon we attract more arse holes because we have the same pattern
ilwhatever this guy did whatever happened between you possibly there’s something around you dealing with what happened with your previous relationship. And you being clean going forward in as much as ,
No more accepting poor behaviour you deserve more it’s not okay to accept shit treatment

but we none of us know this until we do the work and see who we really are.
Sorry that all sounds a bit woo woo but having been there. So easy to pick up absolute fuck wits Poste a relationship break up.
please don’t blame yourself
just take time to heal x

It doesn't really matter how long it was; you're disappointed, but at least you know you can meet someone, and there will be someone who wants you enough to prioritise you. Keep looking; you weren't wrong.

Dating again after a long marriage is such a huge learning curve. You have to know your worth but also be chilled out. It’s really hard! The thing is, you will meet the right person, but you’ll have to go through a few first. One thing I learned (the hard way) is to not emotionally connect hard too soon. It takes months, even a year or two to really get to know someone and for them to show their true self, so you really need to emotionally protect yourself in the meantime. Don’t give too much of yourself and although this man might not have been a shit, most of them are on the apps. My motto was, he’s a shit until he proves (over a long time period) otherwise and I kept cool and minimally invested until I was sure. Saves a lot of heartache!
Don’t beat yourself up. This is the world of dating and you’ll get better at dealing with it & eventually meet a lovely man.

I’d take some time to just be you and do stuff that you want to do and learn to live being alone again without a man, I now see a relationship as an addition to my life not my whole life as I built up a life I already loved after splitting with my ex for me and my son, you need to be happy in your own life before heading into a relationship , it’s hard at first, I now would have no qualms being on my own if a relationship didn’t work out again and that’s where you need to be, he maybe thought you were abit clingy or dramatic so ended it, there’s lots of time to date again but now just learn to be happy as you again with your kids, no need to rush into anything. You’ll be fine

You weren’t wrong. You picked up that he wasn’t overly keen to see you or prioritise you at the weekend.

It sounds like he had already started to check out when you didn’t see him for a week and now you’ve been left feeling like it’s your fault because you raised the issue which prompted him to end it (which by my guess is where it was headed before you raised your points)

Imagine meeting someone who can’t wait to see you who priorities you. Then you’ll realise what you’ve left behind.

Aw, it sounds like he's cooled off for some reason and its tapered out. Men are such cowards, also known as "letting you down gently".

If he was into it, he'd make it work.

Throw this one back in, as they say.