Husband messaged sex workers and I do not know what to do

[Shocked3]

Found out DH messaged a prostitute/ casual meet up for sex. I am devastated. I checked his phone last night, something wasn't sitting right with me and found the messages. I totally lost it. He contacted prostitutes four years when I was on holiday with our children and swore blind that it was only out of curiosity.

We are both mid 40s, three teens and been together 27 years.

He has wanted more intimacy but my health has not been great and he works very long hours so I wasn't feeling connected to him.

My heart is racing, I'm awake all night. There's nobody I can talk to in real life as I'm embarrassed.

That punch could have killed you. Is this the first time?

Try and save them, are you both on the deeds of the houses? Would you report to the Police?

If you feel strong enough please do, you can’t go through this, he will potentially counter claim assault but you need and your children to be in a place of safety.

Is he also a danger to the children?

Both on the deeds yes and mortgage. He is in his parents house now talking to them. He said he will collect his clothes later. I really don't want to get police involved. I had a lot of police involvement when my parents went through a very volatile divorce and it still effects me to this day.

He is not a danger to the children. The sickening part is they adore him and think he can do no wrong.

This was the hardest punch because I do think I zoned out and then heard my DD telling him to stop. He has been physical before but not like last night. He is telling me I broke his nose when I threw the phone at him.

He is not a danger to the children. The sickening part is they adore him and think he can do no wrong.

Any man who is physically assaulting their mother is a danger to children.

They don't adore him, they're trying to keep themselves safe. Contact the police, get help. You owe it to them if you can't do it for yourself.

I'm afraid I agree. Men don't just look at escorts. I'd bet he has visited them more than once.

I'm very sorry OP. A middle-aged man who visits prostitutes and punches his wife in the face when she confronts him is a piece of s*it. Get an STD check and then dump him. There is life beyond a worthless maggot like him. Being alone is better – at least you'll have your dignity and self-respect. If that single lady wants him, she's welcome. You're well rid of him. I just pity her.

Start by taking control. Get all tge financial paperwork in a file. It will give you something to focus upon. See a solicitor. Photograph the messages

Are your teens aware of what’s going on?

The issue is your daughter had to intervene?

Even if not a physical threat, her witnessing that will always stay with her so he is a threat to hers and theirs safety, she will feel unsafe.

Did she witness the whole thing?

Have you managed to get to see the GP, you ought to go to A&E with the symptoms you’re experiencing.

It’s good he is moving out.

Yes teens know. I couldn't hold it in when I found the messages. I'm currently in A&E, my GP sent me. I'm waiting on the police to speak to me, GP contacted them. I definitely have a burst ear drum. GP said it's likely I passed out and he continued to punch me because I cant lift my arm fully and I've bruising on the back of my neck. My kids are at home on their own.

You have been very seriously assaulted

I hope the police arrest him and keep him away from you, I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

download Hinge divorce him take the house. I'm really sorry this happened to you OP. <3 HUGS

I agree, if he trying to hire a prostitute (ILLEGAL IN ENGLAND) then report him to the police because he has broken the law. Come on OP, these women can't be much older than your teens. And you should tell your kids exactly why you're divorcing.

I'm glad your GP phoned the police, i read your post during my lunch break, I was absolutely shocked by the level of violence you sustained not only is he an evil bully but he's happy to pay some of the most vulnerable women in our society money for sex when many are in a desperate situation.

Any man that takes advantage of a woman in that situation needs to be on a register in my opinion. I wish you and your children the best of luck and a life free from violence and his disgusting cheating and sexual behavior

These poor kids. I mean, where to start.

whatever you do, you need to fully stay away from him.
Your children have had to witness you both assault each other and the trauma that will cause is catastrophic. Stay away from each other and don’t ever let him in your house again.
Your priority is your children and their physical and emotional safety.

I hope the police deal with the situation for you and I hope you’ve recover fully.

You are obviously a nice person, as you are looking at yourself for reasons why he did what he did with sex workers. You are NOT to blame in any shape or form. He will try to spin this to make himself look better, there really is no way to do that, PLUS he has physically assaulted you.
I am glad your kids know because although not nice, it is proof he is not worthy of their loyalty.
You owe it to yourself and future women to prosecution him so that others may do Claires law when he tries to move on.
You will be fine when you have got over the shock of it all. Sending support. 💕

OP, how are you now? I am SO glad you got a medic to look at you today

He PUNCHED you?!??! I realize you threw the phone and bloodied his nose, but that's not even in the same category as him PUNCHING you!

Try not to provoke him. DO NOT do anything physical to him again. Stay out-of-reach, near a door, and as far away as possible. Next time will be much worse and hitting you where he did is dangerous. Don't let him make you a statistic.

Keep yourself safe. If you can leave, please do. Now. I'm in the US, but UK mumsnetters will tell you who to contact to help you do this.

And please stop blaming yourself; that's what he wants and that's how cheaters work. He's twisting things to make you feel responsible so you'll shut up about it. Don't let him mess with your head. "Remind yourself "there is no reason bad enough to excuse his cheating."* You needed his support and what he gave you was his intention to cheat, multiple times, and only he knows the truth whether it was physical or not. Just searching and contacting are cheating to me.

Don't let him sweep this under the rug and please leave before he hurts you again. ♥️

Please don't ever allow him the opportunity to be closed enough to hurt you again. Help the police and hopefully they will charge him and you can get an order to keep him away from you and the children. Put yourself first. He is not worth anything to you (or to anyone), but you and the kids need to be safe. Please use the advice and information posted here for you, and please take advantage of all real life sport that is offered. You are I. Real danger from this monster. That attack could have killed you. Wishing you all the strength to get away from him.

Please cooperate with the police. He is dangerous and escalating.

Just hoping you're safe and well.

I hope you’re safe op. Please update us when you can

I too hope you're OK, and it's likely that the Police will follow up on this, given you've attended A&E with this.He's a brute, and you're better off without him. Please do get your ducks in a row financially, and legally - I suspect it won't be a good-natured divorce process.

I'm doing OK, he is in his parents house. I have him blocked on everything, he is still in contact with the kids. Hospital were very supportive and have allocated me a social worker to help navigate things. I'm also being referred to the mental health services in my community. I'm just devastated.