Am I dating a narcissist or am I just insensitive?

[Downinthebottomofthegarden]

I'm confused and irritated, but I might be just insensitive.
So, I'll meet my partner after work and we'll chat. But the chat quick centres around his day and conversations he's had with his work colleagues. He'll repeat word for word things he's said to his colleagues and then their response. And it goes on. For some reason, it doesn't feel genuine, almost as if he's trying to paint himself in a certain light - it doesn't seem candid. And it irks me, but I'm not sure if I'm missing something. Perhaps he's seeking validation in some way? Either way, I sit through these conversations and I'm left feeling like he's trying to impress me with things he's said to other people who I don't know and have no real interest in.

Sounds self centred, why bother

He's a self-absorbed bore. Next.

Does he ever ask you about your day?

Doesn’t really matter who is at fault. It doesn’t sound like you find him interesting. It doesn’t work for you. Move on.

Yes, of course.
I might mention things that've happened to my work colleagues, if they're interesting or humorous.
I wouldn't dream of repeating things I've said to them though, as in my mind the words only work between the two people in the original conversation, not repeated to a third party (ie partner).

Is it just when you meet him after work, and is it better at other times?

My first thought was that he is still "decompressing" after work and he's using you as a sounding board to talk through some things that happened at work that he's trying to process. But he should give you space to talk about your things as well.

He might be masking- doing what he thinks couples do after work. Or he might be processing externally. Or maybe he’s a bore or fantasist. Do you want to hang around?

Perfectly normal to want some time to discuss your day after work. But if he’s really dull change the subject. Or the partner.

Yes it's a good point, but it often also carries on over the weekend. The conversations aren't related to work, it's just chit chat had whilst at work. Along the lines of "I said to Sarah blah blah blah and she started laughing, then she said to me blah blah blah" or "I had quite a deep conversation with Ian, I asked him ABC he opened up to me about DEF"

Some of that sounds quite normal tbh.

I have a mother who tends to do this. Its a lack of social skills and an inability to read other people. Its boring and will only get worse.

Yes, you're probably right. I'm not sure why it irks me so much. It just feels like non-stop gossip.

It's probably more annoying if you don't know the people, just because it might be harder to follow?

Dh does this. I ask for the fast forwarded version!!

:-D I'm not sure how well that would go down!

He sounds deathly boring. Does he have any redeeming features?

If you're bored and irritated by him, stop dating him.

You don't need to assign him a personality disorder as a reason.

He sounds like he cares about his colleagues, but is a bit boring and struggled to read the room but overall harmless.

why on earth do you think he’s got a PD? It’s quite a leap to make!

why on earth do you think he’s got a PD? It’s quite a leap to make!

Everyone who is in a relationship that is not working is dating a narcissist these days!

I see zero evidence of narcissism OP but he does sound like a bit of bore. Sounds like it's time to move on.

Narcissist is so over used these days . Look up the definition and see if it fits . Your bf just sounds self centred .

I can see why it irks you. Talking non-stop about work all evening and weekend?! He sounds deathly boring. What kind of light is he trying to paint himself in do you think? The funny, popular one at work? The one everyone goes to for advice? Do you think he’s making the conversations up to come off a certain way? I don’t think it makes him a narcissist (I think that word really needs to stop being overused, it’s devaluing it’s real meaning) but it does make him sound extremely insecure or maybe just plain mental. Either way though, you’re annoyed and bored by him so that’s probably enough to call it a day on this relationship

I wish people would stop calling everyone a narcissist🙄 Some people just ike to talk about themselves a lot.

Yes, both the funny, popular one and the one everyone goes to for advice.
Another common theme is asking me a question about a life experience, to then have no intention of listening to my answer and instead interrupting with his own long drawn out answer to his own question.
I know narcissist is over used :-D but some of the things make me wonder. I'm probably just being dramatic :-D

Stop analysing him, start dumping him. 😁

YABU to armchair diagnose and to suggest that it’s either he’s a narcissist or that you’re insensitive.

sounds like he has poor conversation skills and you find this boring, irritating and think some of the things he says don’t ring true. So dump him.