My husband and I have within a few years had a baby and got married. There’s always been arguments and things that he’s been not very nice to me about but I feel since we’ve had a child it’s gotten so much worse.
I suffered with quite bad postnatal depression when my son was born and was finally formally diagnosed a year and a half later. I was in therapy but had to quit as I wasn’t getting the support I needed at home from him. I was offered anti depressants which I am reluctant to take.
My husband makes me really unhappy, nearly everyday I get a dig made at me which I then get told it wasn’t and it’s in my head.
He will get defensive if I mention something he doesn’t like and then I get told he hasn’t and it’s in my head or the way I’ve taken it.
He can never find fault with himself or what he’s done and I’m made to feel like it’s all my and it’s my fault for taking it the wrong way.
When my son was born I gave up everything, reduced my hours at a job I love, given up any form of socialising. I barely go out anymore as I want to be with my son but he goes to football every couple weeks and doesn’t even give me a time he will be home.
I feel so helpless and alone with how he’s making me feel. He makes me feel like he hates me and I can’t do anything right.
An example of how things upset me that I get told shouldn’t, on our wedding day I was told there was a photo to be taken of his family and I wasn’t to be in it as it’s ’bloodline’ only. This has since been repeated with photos with my son. When I mentioned how it made me upset I was told that it wouldn’t make him upset and he wouldn’t care if it was the other way around and he couldn’t see a problem. Again making me believe it’s all in my head.
I feel I can’t even talk to him anymore because it will be spun round to be me and my problem and he won’t actually take accountability or admit that he has done something wrong or said something in a nasty way.
It has been called out by my own family of how he can talk nastily and aggressively without him realising but still he won’t hold himself accountable or actually admit to this and listen to me when I get so wound up by it.
I wake up everyday hopeless and feeling so depressed. I fully believe my postnatal depression has since relieved because every problem I now have and every depressive feeling I have is linked to my husband. But I get told him and his parents think I should take the anti depressants almost excusing his own behaviour and being my bad mental health.
I’m at a complete loss and feel so completely helpless. I wake up everyday so unhappy. He says he won’t let me leave him as he will make it difficult for me and I will ruin my son’s life and he will grow up to hate me for it and says I should just give up because unlike him I’m a quitter.
Does anyone have any advice because I’m struggling with it all? Is this normal or is it all in my head?