TW sexual assault. Is there any point going to the police?

Abusequestions · 2026-04-20T21:40:46+00:00

All I read about online and see on social media is horror stories about how badly victims are treated and there is no justice. I left an abusive partner five years ago. Abuse including some physical abuse and lots of sexual abuse including rapes. We have a DD together so we have to coparent and I’d struggle financially without the maintenance he pays me. I didn’t speak to the police when I left him because I felt like I’d be worse off if I antagonised him. Things have been ok but now I feel like he’s starting to escalate again. I’ve been putting some boundaries in place and he’s getting angry (by text mainly) that I’m not doing what he wants every time he asks anymore. I’m feeling a bit scared. I think logically that it wouldn’t be in his interests to hurt me again now, but he’s unpredictable. Honestly in my situation would you go to the police? Do you think it would do any good at this stage? DD is only six so I’ve got a long way to go before I’m free of him.

Endofyear · 20/04/2026 22:55

OP you can speak to Rape Crisis for advice and support - they will be able to talk you through the process of reporting and tell you what to expect
https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/want-to-talk/

Well done for getting away from him. I'm so sorry for what you've been through 💐

Want to talk?

Our 24/7 Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Line is open 24 hours a day. Call free on 0808 500 222 or find out how you can start a free online chat.

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/want-to-talk/

Batties · 20/04/2026 23:10

I reported my ex h to the police. I won’t go into detail, but he was ultimately sent to prison. My experience with the police was very positive, although I appreciate that this is not always the case for everyone.

Sodthesystem · 20/04/2026 23:25

Considering things are escalating again, absolutely yes.

Tbh if I thought there was any chance I could keep him away from my child, I’d report him. Rapists don’t belong near kids (nothing to do with how well or not he treats the child, he’s a monster and monsters don’t belong near children). And I’d take the financial hit too to keep him away.

Not gonna lie, the odds are he won’t be charged unless you have say, written text evidence or maybe a witness that can testify you told them about the attacks and abuse at the time? But at the very least it lets the appropriate people know he is a risk so they can safe guard you better.

As pp said, speak with rape crisis. Then sleep on it and decide.

In the mean time, never meet him privately and never let him into your home.

Original poster

Abusequestions · 20/04/2026 23:34

Batties · 20/04/2026 23:10

I reported my ex h to the police. I won’t go into detail, but he was ultimately sent to prison. My experience with the police was very positive, although I appreciate that this is not always the case for everyone.

I’m so sorry you’ve been through this too. Thanks for being a positive story I haven’t heard many.

OP posts:

Nat6999 · 20/04/2026 23:35

I reported exh for raping me, went through all the video interview & everything, the CPS chose not to prosecute because I still spoke to him. I had to as ordered by the Family Courts going through divorce. I had a male police detective turn up at my mum's where ds & I were staying as we were homeless & accuse me of lying about being raped, he was so bad my mum kicked him out of the house. I had medical evidence of my injuries & it was all ignored. Quite honestly the police investigation was as bad as being raped, I ended up with PTSD & still have flashbacks 16 years later.

Original poster

Abusequestions · 20/04/2026 23:38

Sodthesystem · 20/04/2026 23:25

Considering things are escalating again, absolutely yes.

Tbh if I thought there was any chance I could keep him away from my child, I’d report him. Rapists don’t belong near kids (nothing to do with how well or not he treats the child, he’s a monster and monsters don’t belong near children). And I’d take the financial hit too to keep him away.

Not gonna lie, the odds are he won’t be charged unless you have say, written text evidence or maybe a witness that can testify you told them about the attacks and abuse at the time? But at the very least it lets the appropriate people know he is a risk so they can safe guard you better.

As pp said, speak with rape crisis. Then sleep on it and decide.

In the mean time, never meet him privately and never let him into your home.

Thank you. I feel the same about DD, I wish I could keep her away from him. She’s started crying on his days and saying she doesn’t want to go which is mainly what the arguments are about.

I hear what you’re saying but it isn’t just a financial hit. I’d have to move house almost certainly into a completely different area, move my dd school and be a distance away from my support network. I’d do it if it was just a bit of extra cash each month but its more than that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Abusequestions · 20/04/2026 23:39

Nat6999 · 20/04/2026 23:35

I reported exh for raping me, went through all the video interview & everything, the CPS chose not to prosecute because I still spoke to him. I had to as ordered by the Family Courts going through divorce. I had a male police detective turn up at my mum's where ds & I were staying as we were homeless & accuse me of lying about being raped, he was so bad my mum kicked him out of the house. I had medical evidence of my injuries & it was all ignored. Quite honestly the police investigation was as bad as being raped, I ended up with PTSD & still have flashbacks 16 years later.

This is exactly what I’m scared of.

OP posts:

Sodthesystem · 20/04/2026 23:47

Abusequestions · 20/04/2026 23:38

Thank you. I feel the same about DD, I wish I could keep her away from him. She’s started crying on his days and saying she doesn’t want to go which is mainly what the arguments are about.

I hear what you’re saying but it isn’t just a financial hit. I’d have to move house almost certainly into a completely different area, move my dd school and be a distance away from my support network. I’d do it if it was just a bit of extra cash each month but its more than that.

Show quote history

I mean, not ideal about the support network but I was actually going to say you could alternatively just move far enough away that it would be a chore for him to bother seeing her. But not far enough that he could get you in trouble for moving her away from him.

Like an hour and a half drive or something. Make it inconvenient for him to see her.
And never agree to have him in your home so he essentially has to come get her and he can’t even come into your house when he does. Maybe lay it on thick about how she’s his kid and he should want to make the effort and how you want her to see him (reverse psychology because…well, he hates you so if he thinks you want her to see her father, he may not want to make that effort).

Just a thought.
It might be less hassle than reporting him.
Or it might not.

Sodthesystem · 20/04/2026 23:49

Record police visits on your phone. Even if it’s just voice recording. And always let them know you are recording. Hopefully you won’t have any issues like the lady that did but yeah you just never know.

Original poster

Abusequestions · 21/04/2026 00:03

Sodthesystem · 20/04/2026 23:47

I mean, not ideal about the support network but I was actually going to say you could alternatively just move far enough away that it would be a chore for him to bother seeing her. But not far enough that he could get you in trouble for moving her away from him.

Like an hour and a half drive or something. Make it inconvenient for him to see her.
And never agree to have him in your home so he essentially has to come get her and he can’t even come into your house when he does. Maybe lay it on thick about how she’s his kid and he should want to make the effort and how you want her to see him (reverse psychology because…well, he hates you so if he thinks you want her to see her father, he may not want to make that effort).

Just a thought.
It might be less hassle than reporting him.
Or it might not.

Edited

Show quote history

He already told me that if I move away he’d follow me. He’s currently renting so would be easy for him to do. So if I move then ill end up with no support network and him near me again.

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RawBloomers · 21/04/2026 00:14

I can't advise you on reporting, OP. I think women generally don't find it's worth it, but it can make all the difference. I would probably go with reporting the current behaviour and talk about his abuse as back ground information so it doesn't get investigated itself, just explains why you want to be on the ball right now with getting it on their radar even if things are not currently at a threshold for action.

Do you use a parenting app, OP? They have found to be useful in cases of abuse where contact is still necessary because of children. All communication gets funneled through them. You don't allow any other contact. If he has to pick up from your house then a Next doorbell or the like. If you drive to him then record each hand over on your phone. Make sure that any abuse is recorded.

Original poster

Abusequestions · 21/04/2026 18:14

RawBloomers · 21/04/2026 00:14

I can't advise you on reporting, OP. I think women generally don't find it's worth it, but it can make all the difference. I would probably go with reporting the current behaviour and talk about his abuse as back ground information so it doesn't get investigated itself, just explains why you want to be on the ball right now with getting it on their radar even if things are not currently at a threshold for action.

Do you use a parenting app, OP? They have found to be useful in cases of abuse where contact is still necessary because of children. All communication gets funneled through them. You don't allow any other contact. If he has to pick up from your house then a Next doorbell or the like. If you drive to him then record each hand over on your phone. Make sure that any abuse is recorded.

Thank you, I’ve heard of the parenting apps but haven’t looked into them.

My main worry is that I report and it makes things worse between us. If the case gets dropped through lack of evidence then it doesn’t seem like I’ll be any better protected than I am at the moment (which is not at all)

OP posts:

BridgetJonesV2 · 21/04/2026 18:39

Talk to Rape Crisis rather than Police at this stage. They're experts and can guide you with some techniques of managing his behaviour. A parenting app is a must, and you could always try and arrange handovers on neutral ground or through a friend/relative. Minimise all contact with him.

Original poster

Abusequestions · 23/04/2026 15:48

BridgetJonesV2 · 21/04/2026 18:39

Talk to Rape Crisis rather than Police at this stage. They're experts and can guide you with some techniques of managing his behaviour. A parenting app is a must, and you could always try and arrange handovers on neutral ground or through a friend/relative. Minimise all contact with him.

Thank you. I will speak to them.

OP posts:

AngryLikeHades · 23/04/2026 16:00

Nat6999 · 20/04/2026 23:35

I reported exh for raping me, went through all the video interview & everything, the CPS chose not to prosecute because I still spoke to him. I had to as ordered by the Family Courts going through divorce. I had a male police detective turn up at my mum's where ds & I were staying as we were homeless & accuse me of lying about being raped, he was so bad my mum kicked him out of the house. I had medical evidence of my injuries & it was all ignored. Quite honestly the police investigation was as bad as being raped, I ended up with PTSD & still have flashbacks 16 years later.

Dear God, how horrible for you!! You were treated appallingly!!!!!

CombatBarbie · 23/04/2026 16:03

Batties · 20/04/2026 23:10

I reported my ex h to the police. I won’t go into detail, but he was ultimately sent to prison. My experience with the police was very positive, although I appreciate that this is not always the case for everyone.

I am mid way through proceedings, I found the police and courts very active on pursuing domestic abuse.

BitzerMalonie · 23/04/2026 16:09

You can report as much or as little as you want to, you can report only his abusive messages and you will have evidence of those.
If he has said he will follow you etc via messages, that counts as stalking.
You could also send him a message asking for all contact to be solely via parenting app, if he ignores this then you have further evidence for a stalking/harassment allegation.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 23/04/2026 16:10

I would go to the police about the current escalating harassment, explaining your concern about his historical abuse.

Original poster

Abusequestions · Yesterday 22:47

Thank you. I don’t know if the current messages are bad enough for the police to be interested. It isn’t threats or anything just refusing to take no for an answer. Like if he wants to see DD he just says that and expects it to happen.

OP posts: