Marriage probably ending, I will be screwed I think?

[polotop]

I think that I’m going to be in a really sticky situation.

I think that my marriage is over. This has been the feeling over the last two months and I’ve reached my limit. I have 3DC, only the youngest is H’s. Here’s why I’m feeling very stuck.

H has a good job and I’ve been a SAHM for about 2 years now. I only had entry level retail jobs so it wasn’t a career sacrifice or anything. I have about 19K in savings (well we have roughly that each). So I’d be over the uc threshold. I have no family. Where am I meant to go if that’s what it’s come to? Housing association houses take years here. House is his. I get I’ve been stupid but what do I actually do?

Not sure why the 2 year mark is so important, typically anything under 5 years in UK legally is deemed as a short marriage and as a result divorce typically just seeks to put you back in the position you were when you entered the marriage rather than dividing assets. If he has been paying a mortgage/paying into a pension for say 10+ years, OP doesn’t get a share for 2 years.

Posters surely arent advocating op remains in a loveless marriage rather than spend her savings and get a job to fund life?!

What do you mean formally carved out? Even with a pre-nup it isn’t binding and certainly not in a needs case (before anyone comes at me I am a family barrister!)
the family home is almost always matrimonial property save for very exceptional cases where there is significant wealth, and arguments can be made to the contrary.

You’ll get UC as soon as your savings drop below £16k which won’t really take long if you need to put a deposit down on a rental. You’ll get support with rent as well.

Your savings are a huge net positive. It’s crazy to view them negatively due to impact on claiming UC. Those savings will facilitate you to pay a deposit and first months rent. Many women feel trapped as they don’t have that. They could also fund a deposit on a mortgage. I’d look for work ASAP and get a mortgage. If that’s not an option, then a rental property. You’ll soon be below the UC threshold.

No, I wouldn't say that. I'd say get a job and settle the baby in nursery before she leaves. Then you have means to rent a property should you get no split of the house/his pension, baby is established in nursery, he would then have the baby 50/50 so pays for half of nursery fees, you have. your salary + savings to rent privately. Just a few months to establish all of this before leaving.

Even if both of you want a divorce, and if it's not a toxic situation, how about if you remain in the house while pursuing education in a 1 to 2 year program to get a more lucrative position? Dental assistant? Physical therapist? Dietician?

You have a child together, so I'm assuming it would ease his mind with you being on firmer ground financially.

A short marriage but you have a shared child, so the house isn't his alone.

the court will look at the needs of shared children and make sure you have sufficient to put a roof over your child's head and you as his mother.

best thing, get legal advice and make sure he doesn't try to screw you.

That’s not how divorce works, child maintenance is managed seperately. On short marriages you leave with whay you brought into it.

Thank you all so much for the replies, I really appreciate it.

I would be entitled to nothing house wise, as it’s not a matrimonial asset.

After a very hard day, we’ve kind of made up. I really don’t want to make my older two Dc uproot again, I’m going to try my best to avoid it if I can. The marriage isn’t loveless on either side but there are some issues that we need to address.

This situation has made me think about getting a job but I’m finding that hard. I’ve not had a job for over two years and even when I’ve applied for entry level, part time retail jobs, I’ve been rejected. I know I said in my OP that I’ve only had entry level jobs but in the upset of last night, I forgot to mention that I do have a few years of retail managerial experience. For various reasons, part time is all I could manage right now but I’ve put feelers out there for a few months to see what my options are but it’s looking like there aren’t any 😓. If anyone has any tips on that front, it’d be great. In general it seems that part time vacancies are very rare these days, which doesn’t help.

Just because it was a short marriage doesn’t mean you are not entitled to anything from the property. Seamless cohabitation counts towards the overall length of the marriage. You have a child who will need to be housed. Any award will be assessed by reference to needs and subject to the test of overall fairness.
go and see a solicitor.

Don’t rule out separating. It’s nice you’re trying but why did you start this post in the beginning? We need more context to be able to help you. Take care.

I'm glad it seems to be just a hiccup, OP.

However, this should serve as a bit of an alert that you have to find a way of obtaining some financial independence. You are in a very vulnerable position. Please do find a way to earn your own income.

Don’t assume you’re not entitled to the house. The absolute priority of the courts is firstly need, especially of children of the marriage. It’s not as simple as he owned it before you got married. If you can patch things up then great, but take some proper legal advice before staying just for financial reasons

Yes they do.

OP if you divorce a judge would look to house the children as a priority. You are the primary carer you absolutely will be entitled to a share of the house and if you haven’t already register your home rights to prevent him from selling it under you.

I’m sorry but you’re assuming the mother has to be housed so she can continue to be primary care giver so has a claim. This is not the case, the mother is liable for 50 percent of the costs, and if she cannot house the children then she needs to house herself if the father is willing to be primary care giver. She can then see the kids alternate weekends. But don’t pretend to her she comes as a package and is entitled to a house as they have kids. The kids are entitled. Not her.

You are completely wrong to say it’s not a matrimonial asset - it is. As soon as you live in it with your DH it becomes one.

Also adding the op onky has one child with her husband, the other two are not his, so the court will not take these into account. Just the youngest.

It’s not true the house is not a marital asset. Yes your marriage is short however the court will take into account the whole length of your relationship if cohabiting before marriage, also because you have a child , that child will need to be housed. They will also take into account that fact that you’ve been a sahm for the last few years.

I got the majority share of the equity from a house that my ex DH owned in his sole name and purchased before we even got together because he divorced me when I was a SAHM and the primary carer of our baby and toddler.

This is BS.

How many times............NO you are NOT automatically entitled to half of the house even if you are married.
In my case the house was mine and paid before before I married my ex husband so he didn't get any of it in our divorce. All he got was half our joint savings since the marriage even though we had been married for 20 years.
Every case is individual so it's vitally important to contact a solicitor to find out what you are likely to get. Don't consult mumsnet.

No it doesn't. Are you a solicitor in family law.

Yes it does I’ve been in her situation and I was awarded enough of the house I did not own to buy a house outright. I know what I’m talking about because I’ve been there!