Am I being too picky about finding a long-term partner?

[CrowsCame]

Apologies, this won't be the most humble post, but it aims to be truthful.

I am 24 years old and live in rural New Zealand (population 6mil, hometown population 5000).
Very small town!!

I've dated since I was 18 and have had the joy and blessing of meeting many extraordinary men.
When I was younger, I didn't feel ready for anything serious.
But several men tried. I've had two men seriously express a wish to marry me and several others explain that I was the love of their lives and they were ready to see a relationship through its ups and downs together.
I've never felt the same.
But men do seem to view me often as someone who they could marry/do life with. I seem to have long-term relationship potential.

Now that I'm slightly older and have gotten most of my traveling and floating around out of my system, I'd like to find a partner soonish.

Problem is... I feel like I have high standards (or expectations) of a potential partner and perhaps impossible ones to meet.
For example, I would like to meet a man who is handy and practically capable, yet also gentle, emotionally attuned, kind, accountable.
I expect integrity but find that many men don't hold themselves to this in ways I would expect in a man I can admire. For example, being active within their community, attentive to children, standing up for what they believe is valuable and worth protecting...

I also have quite fringe beliefs around things like pharmaceuticals, child-raising, authority, nutrition, personal sovereignty etc. Conspiracy-theory-esque principles if you like.

I feel like I've personally spent a lot of my life and self-development journey so far, becoming a woman worthy of a man like this. I'm nowhere near done or close... But I feel like I'm deserving of a good man.

Am I being too picky?

I know women who are still alone in life in their 40s who want families... because they reject men by nit-picking their faults or expecting them to fit ideals.

Any older or experienced woman who can testify to the legitimacy of this concern?
Positive or negative anecdotes about waiting for Mr Right?

TLDR//
I'm 24 years old.
Have been seen by many men as 'wife material' ...
But I keep rejecting men for not meeting my 'non-negotiables' (which can be quite specific and fringe).
I live in a very small town in a very small country.

Am I being too picky?
Will I regret this later in life?
I want to meet a partner and start a family in the foreseeable.

Go after teachers, worship leaders, Sunday school teachers...

I don’t think anyone should settle, but if you hold out for everything then maybe there never will be a Mr Right, or perhaps worse, when you find Mr Right, he might think you are Ms Wrong , maybe start by finding someone you actually like 1st rather then fits a shopping list of preset requirements 🤷🏼‍♂️

I've never met anyone who openly admits they prefer a conspiracy theorist. Usually, they believe their own perspective is correct. Because of that, you'll encounter some seriously crazy individuals or see angry men holding fish. OLd is full of such people.

Tbh the peoblem with lists is that you measure people against a list of your ideals instead of just being able to appreciate them for who they are. I’m not sure how to out this but I think theres like an “element” that doesn’t really care if you are perfectly aligned with someone. Someone can match every single thing on your list and you can feel precisely zero for them, someone can be not what you expected and be perfect.

It’s interesting that you list out quite a lot of needs and wants and yet you observe others who have done it as being nitpicking. I don’t think it’ll be completely impossible to achieve your constellation of factors but it certainly could be very difficult. Do you really want someone who believes in all the same things you do? I probably share some of your fringe beliefs as you call them, but my husband certainly doesn’t. However, he has bags of integrity. And that does really matter.
I think there’s an art in relationships around learning what sort of imperfect you can tolerate rather than seeking perfection.
But fundamentally, if you too reach the age of 40 and are not with anyone maybe just suck that up. Because let’s face it, the pages of mum‘s net are littered with the stories of the horrors that come from being with the wrong person.

100% this. Forget the very specific criteria and just start meeting more men and getting to know them. You might find yourself falling for someone you never expected to!

You don't need someone who agrees with everything you think. You need the skill of communicating well and staying curious about someone who is different to you. If you think your beliefs are right, with no room for disagreement, no relationship will succeed long term.

A good love marriage is a skills based entity. Both you and your partner need to develop the skills. It's not a tick box exercise of their qualities and making a perfect match but understanding and learning and using skills to each get what you need within the framework of your individual differences. Easier said than done!

Have a read of this
Peace Building In Relationships

Also read this to understand how relationships progress and where they can go wrong. I wish I had known this at age 24. It's far less about Picking The Right Person and far more about Being A Great Partner.

Map Of Relationships

You need to be happy not needy.

If a partner is honest, caring, kind and respectful, having different views and interests is not necessarily a problem.

You are still very young, relax!

Somewhere along the line you will meet someone who ticks most boxes and that will be enough.

I think yes, you are being too picky. When it comes to a potential partner, you can only allow yourself a very short list of absolute non-negotiables. So, from your OP, you could say that kindness, integrity and handiness are your red lines. If you try to have much more than this, and particularly if you try to have very specific things like 'shares my belief in a niche conspiracy theory', you will be too inflexible to be open to falling in love with a real human. I would also separate out fundamental character traits (like 'optimistic' or 'honest') from beliefs or opinions - even if someone shares your beliefs now, that may change over time. Having a romantic partnership with another person does necessitate being open to that other person having flaws and foibles and differences that you can't fully control. If that sounds awful to you, it may be that an intimate relationship is not right for you.

So I would allow yourself max 4-5 values or qualities that you think your partner must have. Keep them broad (things like 'honesty' or 'intellectually curious', not things like, 'interested in manga'). If you find someone intellectually curious or open-minded or tolerant, you may find that you can be compatible with them even if you don't share all the same beliefs.