NO LUCK dating since DPs death

[PILEALLTHEPILLSONTHEFLOOR]

My beautiful DP died by his own hand aged only 26 after I issued an ultimatum: it's me or his addiction. We were madly, madly in love and I fucked up my life and ended his by failing to rescue him in time. This was 3 years ago.

Dating apps are a nightmare and most men won't even make the effort to meet unless I guarantee them sex beforehand, and that's if they don't abuse me and accuse me of being an AI/catfish scam and demand proof that I'm the woman in the photos which normally still does not satisfy them and I get blocked.

Recently had a 6 month relationship with a very handsome millionaire but I swiftly ended it after he revealed he had a long-term gf who he isn't attracted to but won't leave (they share a business) he expected me to be a concubine to. He is still in love with me...do I go back? I'm nearly 27 now and my kids would have really great lives and get to go to private school. Should I prioritise the quality of my future children's lives by re-entering this relationship and give up on the search for Mr. Right? No one will ever, ever compare to DP.

He was perfect in every way. I'm never gonna be that agonisingly in love again.

Would you go back to this guy if he weren't a millionaire? He's already married, have a bit of sense.

No, but he is a millionaire. I don't see how this hypothetical is useful. At this point I am thinking about the future of my future kids and whether or not that is more important than my selfish desire to find another Disney-perfect union like I had before.

I guess the AIBU is: to marry for money rather than love?

You don't mind screwing up some other woman then?

I was also widowed in my 20s with young kids, although this was almost 25 years ago.

My advice - it's only been 3 years. That's nothing in the grand scheme of things. Concentrate on creating a good life for you and your kids without a man involved. You may then find (as it did for me) that someone unexpectedly enters your life.

My now husband can't compare to my first husband. They are two different people and I couldn't say one is better than the other. My current relationship is of course different to my first relationship, and has ended up lasting much longer.

I do feel for her, but she is also choosing to stay with a man who doesn't love her and she likely made that choice long before I came onto the scene.

Thank you ❤

I think there may be something in your profile, or on your swiping that is attracting abusive creeps.

My dating mantra is “Get In The Bin”, not for all men, but anyone that “won't even make the effort to meet unless I guarantee them sex beforehand, and that's if they don't abuse me and accuse me of being an AI/catfish scam and demand proof that I'm the woman in the photos which normally still does not satisfy them”. The men you describe (including the millionaire) can all 100% get in the bin.

So my advice is to ditch the apps for a while until your self esteem has improved. Then maybe look at your profile again with a friend and re-jig it. Then be brutal about blocking losers. There is a book called The Burnt Haystack method and I recommend it to you.

Focus on building your self-esteem. How can an attached man feel he is truly good enough if he's playing you? Work on yourself; otherwise, you'll attract creeps who will exploit you. Nowadays, being a millionaire means little and certainly won't save you.

Have I missed something - has this millionaire suggested marriage or children to you, OP?

yep.

I'm sorry but your partner who passed wasn't perfect as he had an addiction and you are in no way responsible for his death. If you had married him he may have made your life a misery if he continued i his addiction. I think you need to come to terms with all this before you enter another relationship. Work for a year on yourself. Do things you enjoy. Join in social occasions for fun. And then you will be in a better place. 27 is very young..slow down and take care of yourself.

I wonder what her side of the story is as I would guarantee she wouldn’t recognise the lines he’s been spinning from the lying cheats script.

Well he has been rather adamant that I come and meet her, even insisitng that she would 'really like me' (Lol what choice does she have...) I of course refused and have tried giving an ultimatum before, it was me or her, but he keeps trying to have his cake and eat it. Ha! No THANKS.

OP, I am getting really confused - so the millionaire is still with his long term girlfriend, wants you to meet her, and is proposing to marry you?

I think you really need some therapy.

Firstly, his death was not in anyway your fault, and you need to understand that. Secondly, why are you so desperate for a man you'd settle for this? If hes suggested marrying you, how will that play out with his partner exactly? Sounds like utter bullshit.

What do you mean what choice does she have? She's his business partner, so presumably also a millionaire. What the hell does she need him for?

No idea, that's a question you'd have to ask her. She's nearly 36, not the best looking, probably can't or doesn't want to find anyone else before her fertile years are up. She's clinging on for some reason and I don't know what that is, nor do I really care. The only way I would ever accept this arrangement would be if I were to live separately in my own house, I wouldn't live with him and his long term gf as I wouldn't want them near that dysfunction or to end up being used as a free nanny to look after her kids.

Presumably he is at her mercy due to them owning equal shares in the company. It can be extremely difficult to break up with someone who you have dated for 10 years and own half a company with, she could probably take him to the cleaners, and this is the only way they can compromise. That's not verified; just my speculation that if he could leave her without nuking his company and wealth, he probably wouldn't stay with her.

Yep

Wow, you sound lovely.

Go for it, you're perfect for each other.

I wasn't trying to be unpleasant towards her, that's just the objective situation, one that she has also helped to create in her inability to let go. He wants someone younger and bouncier until he gets bored of me, then I get some fat child support checks and my kids get private school. Everyone wins that way.

So why be so dim as to assume he is at her mercy and not consider it could be the other way around? HE is the one claiming he wants to marry you, seems like he has a lot of power in their relationship.

And this is the dynamic you want to model to your kids?

Also its her company and wealth too, you said they are business partners, they arent married, she wouldn't get to take whats his.

I want my future kids to have a decent life, a better life than a stressed schoolteacher on a shit wage can ever give them. Obviously he is the one in control as their polyamory only goes one way, she isn't allowed other partners. I don't know... it's so hard to find anyone decent I feel like I may just give up and fast forward straight to children. Is it really that important for children to have a dad? What if I find 'mr right' and he ends up cheating, abusive, or changing up after I give birth? He feels like a low risk high reward option, also the fact that I don't return his feelings fully is an advantage because my feelings won't end up hurt when he does god knows what with god knows who.

Not true. Common law partners can stake a claim on property and Money. Google it