NO LUCK dating since DPs death

[PILEALLTHEPILLSONTHEFLOOR]

My beautiful DP died by his own hand aged only 26 after I issued an ultimatum: it's me or his addiction. We were madly, madly in love and I fucked up my life and ended his by failing to rescue him in time. This was 3 years ago.

Dating apps are a nightmare and most men won't even make the effort to meet unless I guarantee them sex beforehand, and that's if they don't abuse me and accuse me of being an AI/catfish scam and demand proof that I'm the woman in the photos which normally still does not satisfy them and I get blocked.

Recently had a 6 month relationship with a very handsome millionaire but I swiftly ended it after he revealed he had a long-term gf who he isn't attracted to but won't leave (they share a business) he expected me to be a concubine to. He is still in love with me...do I go back? I'm nearly 27 now and my kids would have really great lives and get to go to private school. Should I prioritise the quality of my future children's lives by re-entering this relationship and give up on the search for Mr. Right? No one will ever, ever compare to DP.

He was perfect in every way. I'm never gonna be that agonisingly in love again.

This can’t be real - no one is such a nasty fucker about a woman whose partner she’s been shagging.

Sorry about your husband but you sound repulsive. And if you’re really a teacher - I feel sorry for your pupils

OK, googled it:

In England and Wales, common law partners have no automatic rights to a partner's house, regardless of how long they have lived together. The legal concept of "common law marriage" does not exist. A claim can generally only be made if the partner can prove a "beneficial interest" through direct financial contributions, such as paying towards the mortgage or for major home improvements.

Can you direct me to where I said anything nasty about her? Would you feel better if I lied and she was a supermodel? He didn't tell me about her quite far into the relationship; I had no idea. I have no problem with him continuing their relationship I just don't wanna be involved in it.

No need to pity my pupils because I'm an incredibly talented and patient teacher, my pupils are lucky to have me.

My mistake then, my Mum told me otherwise. I'm pretty sure he can't get out due to the shared nature of the business. Could be that she has some dirt on him like insider trading, I really have no idea. Like I said, their relationship is not really an issue for me.

He in no way has to stay in a relationship with her in order to keep the business.

You at least need to educate yourself on the situation before jumping in blinded by all these supposed riches you think you'll get your hands on.

Fine , maybe he adores her, can't live without her. It makes no difference to me at all. Whatever. He told me they don't have sex anymore outside of trying for a baby or live together so forgive me for assuming the passion has dimmed somewhat....

I'm not expecting anything more than the child support, (Capped at £1200 per child) which would be enough to privately educate them. I'm not expecting to waltz around town in a fur coat with a lit cigar. I'm thinking about how my future children could benefit from the arrangement rather than myself. I have (almost) everything I want for myself already.

He's trying for a baby with her?! Jesus christ, this cant be real.

Well I only have his word, I don't believe a lot of what he says. They have supposedly been trying for the last 6 months which makes me worry that they might be trying to use me for a baby and then steal it...but that's probably just my paranoia....

But you believe hes a millionaire?

You woke up and it was all a dream.

OP, I don't think it would work, mainly because I think this man is full of shit, and he is probably not rich enough. £1200 is also not enough for the fees.

Sadly, it sounds like you were in an unhealthy relationship if he had such mental health problems that he felt the need to end his life. Im sorry to hear that he did, and no-one should go through that grief.

It sounds like you went from one unhealthy relationship to another. Mumsnet will always berate you from a dalliance with a married man. However, you need help. I wisely advice you to ignore their unhelpful digs at you.

No you do not go back. This is a man who used you when you were at a low point in your life.

Go find friends, hobbies, adventures that dont involve men...but do involve you finding yourself. The world doesn't end if you don't have a man. In fact more often than not, it's better without one.

At 53, I could have a man, but they would be less than I deserve and I deserve more....you should think you deserve more too.

Focus on getting a career so you never have to rely on a man. That's what my Dad taught me and it has been absolutely realistic advice and has never failed me during my life.

I've seen the documents on Companies House, his company turns over £1m per year. He didn't show me, I did my own research.

Oh dear. You're either deluded, stupid or naive.

Please come back and tell us once you're actually married as opposed to stringing you along.

I'm after the child support not his heart lol

A company turning over £1 million per year certainly does not mean that its owner - even less its part-owner - is a millionaire.

I think you should focus on your continuing grief, first and foremost. And try to accept that you were not responsible for your partner’s addiction, and you could not cure or fix it.

There’s a parade of red flags waving around this ‘millionaire’ guy, one of which is that his partner ‘isn’t allowed’ other partners. Really? Who says? He sounds beyond every kind of horrible, and he’s probably not even the gravy train you claim to be looking for. Just ick, ick in every possible way.

Its always a bad idea to invest in a sexy partner who is a cheat. They are sexy, but cause alot of emotional distress.

A company that turns over £1mil doesn't mean that the owner is a millionaire.

“Concubine” there is a word I’ve not heard in a while.

if he wanted to leave, he would have left … he doesn’t want to leave her.

Rich people are also A1 at hiding assets, so if you think you’ll be getting wads of Child Support, think again.

Nope. Not real. Next.

That doesn't necessarily translate into him having millions.

You seem to be swallowing a whole lot of self-serving bullshit from this guy.

And if he is cruel and manipulative with his present partner, he will be the same with you.

Oh dear. Sorry to break it to you, but you are not going to be this guy's plaything in your mid thirties - he'll have moved on to someone younger well before then, so your kids are not going to private school.

OP go live your actual life and forget about kids right now. You’ve been through a massive trauma and you’re trying to ground yourself by having babies with someone who you see stability in because he has money. The life you envisioned has taken a detour. Be grateful you’re not saddled with kids of an addict and figure out what life YOU want for yourself. Travel, career goals, friendships (deep ones with men and women), experiences….the list goes on. You’ve not even started yet OP and I can tell you have no idea who you are. Figure yourself out first and move from a stable foundation. This is not the right road for you.

And a company turning over £1m does not make him a millionaire and not by any wild stretch of the imagination, especially divided between two people!

For a start, a big percentage of that, probably around 40% will be sliced off in tax and insurance alone. Do they have staff? Take off their wage, NI, pension, etc too. Does the company buy anything like stock or services? Vehicles? Take all that off. Premises? Take that off. Whatever’s left after all the costs is then split by the two owners as their wage. It could easily be a bang average salary. HE IS NOWHERE NEAR A MILLIONAIRE WOTH THAT TURNOVER! Do some homework on business management OP you’re being so naïve.