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Original poster

If you had HPV, would you tell your boyfriend?

27 replies

Passionfruit91 · 16/04/2026 00:04

I have HPV, one of the high risk ones but not 16 or 18, which are the more well known high risk ones. Do I tell my boyfriend of 2 months?
We have already had sex multiple times before I knew.

I got my results last week from a smear test that I had done a couple of months ago, so I know it wasn't him that gave me it and I was very sexually active with a few different men in the last few years as I have been single.
I'm scared to tell him in case he dumps me or it changes his view of me. I really like him and don't want to taint things with this.
I did a STI check before sleeping with him and it came back all clear and now I've found out I have this.
What would you do?

OP posts:
ThatFairy · 16/04/2026 00:09

Yes, you have to tell him. He has to be able to make his own informed decision about transmission risk. I don't know much about HPV, I know there isn't a cure but is it true that the body eventually clears it ?

Original poster
Passionfruit91 · 16/04/2026 00:18

@ThatFairy to be honest, I would say it's probably certain that he has it now. We have been having sex for 2 months. There is no test for men either. I just feel awful and as though it is going to put him off me or make him annoyed

OP posts:
ThatFairy · 16/04/2026 00:21

It isn't your fault. You've done nothing wrong. He might be ok with it though. If you use protection it should be pretty safe. One thing is if you didn't tell him now and disclosed later he may not forgive it

mathanxiety · 16/04/2026 00:34

You should have understood that your risk of picking up hpv via one or more of your many partners was high, and you should have discussed this with your partners.

EBearhug · 16/04/2026 00:45

I told all the men I'd recently slept with when I had a positive smear. I don't know when I picked it up - I might have had it years. I had a series of annual smears in my early 30s after they picked up abnormal cells, and that was back when they didn't test for HPV.

In most cases, I don't know what they did with the information. One of them has had sex with me again since. Two have picked up girlfriends in the time between me sleeping with them and me having the smear test. I hope they told theIr girlfriends, because we are of an age where most of us weren't ever inoculated for HPV.

EBearhug · 16/04/2026 00:48

ThatFairy · 16/04/2026 00:09

Yes, you have to tell him. He has to be able to make his own informed decision about transmission risk. I don't know much about HPV, I know there isn't a cure but is it true that the body eventually clears it ?

You don't clear it, but it can become dormant and be undetectable and I don't think there's a transmission risk then.

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 16/04/2026 00:48

I don't see what he's going to do with that information. There's no reliable test for men as far as I know so he can't even get tested. It also only shows up in a smear test if it's currently active. I didn't even realise I had it until I'd be married for several years- it came up on one smear but by the time they did a second one it had cleared up and is now dormant. It will continue to come and go as it pleases.

ThatFairy · 16/04/2026 00:54

EBearhug · 16/04/2026 00:48

You don't clear it, but it can become dormant and be undetectable and I don't think there's a transmission risk then.

Show quote history

I got this from NHS online:

Most HPV infections do not cause any problems and the virus is usually cleared by your body within 2 years. Sometimes it can stay in your body for longer.

This has reminded me, I will really need to organize my son to get his booster as he missed his second vaccine at school. I keep forgetting about it. It's good for kids there's a vaccine now

Sprinng2026 · 16/04/2026 01:55

Of course, it isn't all about you! His future partners need to be protected also. And even if he cannot give it to them, he has the right to know.

ThatFairy · 16/04/2026 01:56

Also OP he hasn't necessarily already caught it. I don't know about HPV but I know that for example with HSV there is about a 1 in 20 chance over a year within a relationship of transmission

Shitmonger · 16/04/2026 02:24

Isn’t it possible for men to get throat cancer from it? I think there’s an American statistic about over 70% of cases being caused by HPV.

So yeah, you should tell him. Perhaps he already had it anyway but he should know that he has definitely been exposed.

FeralWoman · 16/04/2026 02:44

@ThatFairy They only give one dose now in Australia. It changed about three years ago.

@Shitmonger Throat cancer, penile cancer, and anal cancer. There might be more.

@Passionfruit91 You should tell him so that he can make an informed choice about being further exposed to the virus or if he wants to use condoms and dental dams to protect himself.

ThatFairy · 16/04/2026 02:48

@FeralWoman thank you for telling me that. That's put my mind at rest a bit, as he's been seeing people since the initial vaccine and although he tells me he's careful I still worry

SassyButClassy · 16/04/2026 05:35

How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

Catza · 16/04/2026 11:30

Most men I told just worried about the risks of me getting cervical cancer. Do you believe in informed consent? Then you must tell him. If he withdraws consent to seeing you, that is his right.

Shallotsaresmallonions · 16/04/2026 11:52

Yes, you need to tell him.

outerspacepotato · 16/04/2026 12:07

Yes, you need to tell him. It's an STI so he should be informed of you having it as part of consent.

Not telling him takes away his informed consent to sex. He might choose to protect himself by using barrier protection and not having certain kinds of sex or he might not want to have sex with you. But you have to give him full info about your sexual health status.

It would be a complete deal breaker for me if I found out someone concealed having an STI. I would consider that lying about their health status, taking away my consent to sex, and not allowing me the choice to not have sex or take precautions.

cocoloco12 · 16/04/2026 12:19

Yes tell him.

HPV is a bit of a weird one compared to other STIs as so many people have it and it can also lie dormant for years. I tested postive at my last smear despite being with husband 10yrs and never being positive before. Don't know if he had it or was previous partner.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 16/04/2026 12:20

I was found to have this in a smear test a few years ago. Me and my husband had been together almost 20 years at that point.

over50andfab · 16/04/2026 12:20

HPV is really common - The majority of us (men and women) who have been sexually active with more than one partner will likely have one or more strains at some point in our body which the body generally clears or it lies dormant.
HPV infections in men usually clear on their own, and there is no proven clinical benefit for mass screening because HPV-related cancers in men (penile, anal, throat) are relatively rare.

It’s up to you on whether to tell your boyfriend. Maybe think that if the shoe was on the other foot would you expect them to tell you? You also mentioned that you did an STI check. Did your boyfriend also do an STI check? Having a health condition like HPV can make someone more susceptible to contracting STI’s where they exist.

That’s some good information in the attached regarding HPV you could show your boyfriend. https://eveappeal.org.uk/resource/hpv/

HPV - The Eve Appeal

Human papillomavirus (HPV) is a very common virus. HPV can sometimes to lead to certain cancers. You can read our guide to find out more.

https://eveappeal.org.uk/resource/hpv/

Otterbabiesholdhandstosleep · 16/04/2026 12:23

Well done for taking your sexual health seriously and having STI tests between partners and going to your smear tests. Lots of people put their head in the sand and don’t do this stuff or don’t do it properly.
The reason the HPV vaccine is given to pre teens is because it works best when you have it before being exposed to the virus.
Before the vaccine, these viruses were so common in the general population that a huge percentage of the population encountered them during their lifetime. And some unlucky people developed cancer because of it, but the vast majority did not.

Has he had STI checks done recently? He should if he hasn’t! It’s a good idea to discuss your smear result with him but in a measured way. Obviously it’s his choice too to make decisions about your sexual relationship based on this info but a reasonable suggestion might be that you two continue to use condoms and get some dental dams.
He also might have or have had HPV himself already. If you are both over the age where the vaccine started being given to girls or to everyone then it’s really likely.

Tiedbutchorestodo · 16/04/2026 12:37

I’m not sure I totally agree with all the extra precautions talk - according to my quick AI search over 80% of adults will have had it and since it’s like a chicken pox type virus and lies dormant once initially cleared and can reflare up at any time most people will have it and have no way of knowing if it’s not active during a smear test.

I think I’d mention it but I wouldn’t expect it to change a relationship - he probably has it too anyway assuming you’re not of a vaccination age group and he wasn’t a virgin pre you. Unless he always uses condoms (and I understand they’re not a failsafe for HPV) and is never going to rely on anything else he’s likely to catch it off someone if not vaccinated.

EBearhug · 16/04/2026 16:57

There's something like 200 strains of HPV - we only test and vaccinated for a small number of the potentially problematic ones.

wellington77 · 16/04/2026 19:48

From what I know of HPV and was told by a dr who treated me for abnormal cells in my cervix due to it is that pretty much everyone who has sex will get HPV which is why they don’t offer the jab to other 18’s at schools. I wouldn’t see it like Chlamydia for example, HPV is mostly always harmless and most 99% of sexually active people will get it. Can’t really avoid it

Moonlightfrog · 16/04/2026 19:57

HPV is really common. Men are not tested because it’s not harmful for them. Most people will carry it at some point and they just fight it off.

It’s not like other STI’s that can be treated with a course of antibiotics, I believe there is no treatment for HPV?

It is up to you if you tell him or not, it’s not going to affect him but could affect other women he sleeps with of he is carrying it.

I tested positive a couple years ago but have since had a negative smear. I have since had a hysterectomy so I will no longer have smears and won’t know if I am carrying it……just like men never know if they are carrying it.