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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lying about age on OLD

52 replies

ChairCatchCar · 14/04/2026 06:35

Man I'm seeing from OLD has confessed he is five years older than he said. This makes him 10 years older than me when I thought he was on 5 years. We've only had a couple of dates and he seems like a nice guy, pretty attractive etc. It pisses me off though. WWYD?

OP posts:
Legolaslady · 14/04/2026 06:36

Drop him

Sugarsugarcane · 14/04/2026 06:38

Eww seems rather manipulative and depending on how old he is also creepy if he’s hoping to attract much younger women

ThatAquaRobin · 14/04/2026 06:39

Drop. He has shown you what sort of man he is.
Also, 10 years is a big gap when you're older.

Don't be stuck with an old man who feels entitled to date younger and who is prepared to lie to try getting it.

ForTipsyFinch · 14/04/2026 06:42

Anyone who is prepared to start out on a lie is not a nice person.

He intentionally misled you because he wants to date younger women, and knows that 5 years is ‘better’ than 10 🚩

UpDownAllAround1 · 14/04/2026 06:56

Give him a chance

S0j0urn4r · 14/04/2026 07:02

What else will he lie about if it suits him? I'd drop him so fast he'd bounce.

ProudAmberTurtle · 14/04/2026 07:04

It might work out but you're telling him you tolerate him lying by sticking with him

Strangedayz · 14/04/2026 07:08

For me this would be a no go - I’d just get rid of him.

Would you have gone on a first date with him if you knew his real age? Probably not.

It’s not just a little white lie from someone you’ve known for ages and already trust. It’s a lie about something important from someone who is basically still a stranger you are trying to get to know. What else is he willing to lie about?

It’s also part of a wider issue of men feeling entitled to date much younger women, and the sexism inherent in that.

Ask him why he doesn’t want a woman his own age.

Hito · 14/04/2026 07:19

if you're on OLD it can't be surprising to come across liars. I'm male and on OLD the lies that women tell are off the scale. Is curvy code for obese? Athletic as in an ice hockey player. And lying about age is top of the list.
Personally I wouldn't date a liar OP, Is he really going to enhance your life when he starts out lying in the first place?

whatradiatorstopick · 14/04/2026 07:22

It’s not good. But, lying about age seems to be a real thing these days? I am amazed at how many of the people (men and women) I went to school with who are the same age as me, have made themselves 5-8 years younger on FB. It’s so weird…..

SoJaunty · 14/04/2026 07:22

A no from me. Not because of the age gap - there's more than that between DH and me - but because he lied about it.

Amiacoolorwarmcolour · 14/04/2026 07:23

Get rid of him and tell him the reason is you don’t date liars.
Quite frankly, if he can lie about that then he will definitely lie about other things.
Also why is he trying to date much younger women and not women his own age? Think about that. He believes that he is entitled to a woman’s youth and is a mysoginist.
This is completely different from happening to meet someone who knows from the start your real age.

NoMumLeftBehindLiz · 14/04/2026 07:26

Burned Haystack Dating Method (Facebook group helping women decipher rhetorical patterns in online dating profiles) would likely categorise this as part of the Test and Apologise pattern. This pattern is where a man will test your boundaries, at first with just a small lie or sexual comment. If you continue to date him he knows he can push your boundaries and will likely try to push them further. The group is free to join so I would read about this more on there (or I think they are on Instagram and maybe Substack too) and obviously bin him.

Nosdacariad · 14/04/2026 07:43

If you tolerate this one, be prepared for all the others that you haven't found out yet or haven't happened yet...

He has told you

He lied to deny you information you needed
He lied to manipulate you into dating him
He attaches no moral weight to the truth
He is dumb enough that he didn't see this would be an issue later.

NotMajorTom · 14/04/2026 07:46

Agree it’s not on but women dating who post on mumsnet get told it’s fine. A man having an issue with a small lie over age is seen as in the wrong.

i think neither party should lie, but unfortunately it’s really common

ChamonixMountainBum · 14/04/2026 07:50

Sadly people bullshitting about their age on dating profiles is fairly common. Happened to me a number of times and I just walked away. The optics are not great if you are lying before you have even met.

CombatBarbie · 14/04/2026 07:50

Urg im on the fence, lying is not ok but agr ranges on OLD put some people both men and women outside the bracket by a year or so. FYI my age range is 35 -50 so a 53yr old wouldnt come up on my radar even though we may be a good match.... and hes come clean pretty quick.

Firesidechatter · 14/04/2026 07:54

This is really common I think, my male divorced friend is online dating and he regularly meets women who have not just lied about their age, but posted old pics, of them much younger /slimmer, which are often also heavily filtered. Sometimes they are barely recognisable v the picture.

i find it very odd, what do they think will happen, their dazzling personality will make it ok when they meet.

its up to you how you proceed, but its not uncommon from what I understand.

PermanentTemporary · 14/04/2026 07:54

Ten years is too much for me so I’d be out. (Personal viewpoint).

I suppose I think most people lie sometimes but I have to say that dp doesn’t, ever, and it’s one of the reasons he is my dp.

ChamonixMountainBum · 14/04/2026 07:54

CombatBarbie · 14/04/2026 07:50

Urg im on the fence, lying is not ok but agr ranges on OLD put some people both men and women outside the bracket by a year or so. FYI my age range is 35 -50 so a 53yr old wouldnt come up on my radar even though we may be a good match.... and hes come clean pretty quick.

So why not just adjust your age range so it captures 53 year olds?

Didimum · 14/04/2026 07:55

You’ve JUST met him. This is not ‘nice guy‘ behaviour and you must know it or you wouldn’t be asking. Stop projecting an imagined future and deal with the facts as you know them now.

Iydrd · 14/04/2026 07:55

One of our best friends lied about his age on OLD. She found out, gave it a chance and then found out he was the love of her life. Just depends how you get on with him.

TwistedWonder · 14/04/2026 08:02

ForTipsyFinch · 14/04/2026 06:42

Anyone who is prepared to start out on a lie is not a nice person.

He intentionally misled you because he wants to date younger women, and knows that 5 years is ‘better’ than 10 🚩

Edited

Absolutely this. He’s a liar who has been dishonest for his own gain.

It’s a no thanks for me. Why would you want a relationship with someone who was dishonest before you even start?

WelshRabBite · 14/04/2026 08:03

I had one of these, it wasn’t just the age difference, or the lying about it, it was the other lies he’d told as well (to maintain the age lie) that changed who he was.

Because of the “lost” 5 years, it looked like he’d accomplished loads over a relatively short period of time. For example, he told me he’d got a specific qualification whilst working simultaneously. But actually he’d had some midlife crisis, quit his job and let his wife hold down the bills and house and kids while he fannied about trying to “find himself” and then decided to do the qualification to try and get back into the workforce.

We “bonded” over how hard it was to work, plus train in a new profession, plus be a hands on parent (something I’d done) and I thought he was ambitious and hard working.

Once I knew his real age, the lies started to show and it demonstrated he was actually lazy and looking for his next meal ticket. He wasn’t a hands on father whose only reason for missing so much of his kids’ childhood was down to his job and trying to secure a brighter future for them, he was a hands-off father who had spent years unemployed (through choice) and STILL hadn’t done the school run or packed lunch boxes, despite his wife being the breadwinner.

Liars lie. You know he lied about his age, you don’t yet know what else he’s lied about.

SoSadSoSadSoSad · 14/04/2026 08:17

Dishonesty is deeply unattractive