Lying about age on OLD

[ChairCatchCar]

Man I'm seeing from OLD has confessed he is five years older than he said. This makes him 10 years older than me when I thought he was on 5 years. We've only had a couple of dates and he seems like a nice guy, pretty attractive etc. It pisses me off though. WWYD?

why?

I set my age ranges for a reason. If I wanted to date a 53 year old. I would have adjusted them myself. Lying is always a manipulation and I don't like being manipulated. Whether or not someone comes out with truth subsequently is irrelevant. They took an opportunity to give informed consent to meeting them away from me by providing false information.

Drop him, may not see 10 years and as a big deal, I’ve just left a relationship with this gap and slowly it’s started to show that we were at completely different points in life, wasted a few years but in the end it was too much and we grew into different people, his sex drive dropped, mine never, he wanted quiet and no adventure, I didn’t, I’d never have a 10 year gap relationship again.

How long have you been seeing him? For most people it’ll be a red flag but if he came clean very early on (1st or 2nd date then it’s not so bad).

I do understand why a person would lie about that, but I also think that if you’re relationship starts off on a lie than it leaves you thinking about what else they’re hiding.

I've seen him twice. Conversation is easy, we laugh. Messaged quite a lot in between too. I also think he's bent the truth about something else so I'm getting more and more 🤔

Time to throw this one back. Really annoying because without this he had a lot of potential.

Because they go up in 5s.....

OLD is brutal and Im a wishful thinker, Prince Charming could be there and not seen and we all get told age is just a number. Ive come across men who look nowhere near (as in younger looking) and yet alot in my age group appear to look much older especially in the 45-50 bracket.

Drop him. He has his age preferences when dating which is younger- he knows he is narrowing his pool and is happy to trample on the boundaries of the women he meets in order to fulfil his needs.

id also report him on the app.

I drop men for this reason. It’s because they want to filter out women the same age as them which is disgusting. One i met in real life told me on date 1 he was actually 52, but on online dating he pretends to be 46 as his age for women is 30-43 as he’s not attracted to women older than that (although he didn’t want any more kids!) who does he think he is! I told him my cut off age was 49 and he said ‘but we wouldn’t meet online if I didn’t lower my age’ and I said ‘yes but I don’t want to meet men your age, that’s why my age limit is 49’
didn’t see him again despite him claiming that meeting me had changed his mind about having another baby (I’m 39 and has told him it wouldn’t work out as I want more kids- didn’t feel brave enough to tell him it was because he’s a creepy liar)

I had it a few years back when I was 33. His profile said he was 45 which was right at my top end but he admitted in person he was actually 50. And he openly said ‘I look good for my age, and I don’t find women my age attractive’!

I couldn’t believe how blasé he was about it. Needless to say we didn’t meet again.

He has shown that he is deceitful about the most basic information about himself. Therefore imagine how deceitful he would be about anything of significance. Definitely a red flag from me that would bring any interaction I was having with him to a close.

You’ve changed my mind about having another baby. After 1 date?🤣 what a prick

He doesn’t respect your right to choose the age range you’re willing to date. He thinks he knows better than you so he’s lied because silly little woman doesn’t know what’s best for her. He knows better than you and if he wants to date you, you should shut up and date him because he’s a “nice guy”.

As a woman, you always owe men a chance, you shouldn’t express any preferences, as long as the man is “nice”, that’s all that matters.

That’s what we’re conditioned to do anyway. Tell him to piss off! You can decide not to date him just because you don’t like the colour of his shoelaces if you want.

For what it’s worth, there’s no way I’d date this guy who has clearly lied right from the start. There’s no excuses. “You wouldn’t have shown up in his search results if he’d told the truth about his age” - yes, that’s right because you purposely selected the age range and do not want to date people of his age!

Yeah, and after he's wasted her fertile years, she finds out he had a vasectomy years previously.

Just read about this happening to another woman on another site.

If they start with deceit like this, that means they are comfortable with manipulating women.

It’s the ones on their profile that put open to kids and then 6 months or a year in confessed to changing their minds….really, or did you never actually want them? I wasted so many years….

Yes I’ve seen this as well, when I was online dating men who I went to school with who were several years above me are suddenly 5 years younger than me 🤦🏻‍♀️

A friend of mine went out with someone who revealed they had loved about their age. All great until a couple of years later the relationship became coercive controlling.

@ChairCatchCar ignore comments about what other men and women do on OLD. Irrelevant to you!
10 years is a BIG gap - if you dont want to date someone 10 years older, or who is willing to lie to get over your boundaries, then throw him back.

I went on a date with a guy who knocked 5 years off his age and added about 3/4 inches to his height.

Silly thing is I would have still met him if he’d been upfront about the truth but as soon as I knew he lied, I was out.

Dump.

Even though he won't want you to dump him, he will lose any respect he might have had, or might have developed for you if you carry on with him after this.

On Hinge, I used to wonder where all the men my age had gone (mid 30s), and why I was seeing men who looked about a decade older but were apparently the same age as me.

Then I changed my age to 25 or something, and that's when all the men my own age suddenly appeared. All lying, saying they were about 27 or 28 years old when they were much older in order to get with young women. Grim

It might be a 'small' lie, but it's one rooted in manipulation - both in terms of "I'll wait until she's invested before telling the truth, so I've had a chance to prove how amazing and indispensable I am" and as a way to get round the boundaries women set around the ages of the people they'd like to see on the app. It's gross, manipulative, and egotistical

I’ve not been on OLD for a few years but recently looked back on. Omg it’s horrible. Either there are a hell of a lot of 40-55 year old men who have had very hard lives and look at least 10 years older, or they are all just blatantly lying to match younger women. Hmm wonder which one?

I have also noticed that now there seems to be a trend of them using old photos of them younger as their first pic, then put a more current one further on in the profile. What is the point?

So many also saying ‘serious relationship’ in bio then during first few messages say it’s only casual or FWB they want. More lies and pretence. Just be upfront from the start. And I’m thinking ‘you are not attractive enough to be demanding sex on tap. Who let you think you are some awesome irresistible dude who will have women falling at your feet?’ Be honest and match with the people who also only want casual! Why start off with fakeness?

I actually recently met one guy who was a) very much shorter than he’d said he was and b) had also only used out-dated photos. Apparently he was 42, which his photos showed, but in person he looked more like 50-55. Totally bald, whereas his photos showed shaved/close cropped hair. So quite a significant different in my eyes. 50/55 would have been fine, I’d have met with him as he had good conversation, except it was not a true representation of who he is now. I was polite to him but cold, didn’t explain or call him out, and left quickly.

All that to say, if they’re trying to pull the wool over your eyes from the start, it can only get worse from there. It’s all deception.

ExH did exactly this and didn't confess till I saw him completing a form and realised the date of birth math didn't work out. It was one of the smaller and less consequential lies that he told. Block and delete.

I would be ok with this if he told me when we first met. But you went on a couple of dates before he mentioned it. This is a deeply wanky thing to do - he's hoping you've already grown to like him and will overlook his dishonesty. Please don't.

I’ve just seen my mates ex on Bumble with his age as 55. Bit confused as I went to his 60th in 2022!

Dump. Not because he's 10 years older but because he lied.