Is my husband's messaging a junior colleague misconduct?

[ByQuickHiker]

Think I am being gaslit and need help!
Husband is messaging a colleague who is 20 years his junior, he is her boss. I’ve seen some messages and they are largely work related. Others more personal, sharing photos about their day.

I’ve told him it makes me uncomfortable but he hasn’t stopped.

The latest…she reported to him that someone in work said something sexual to her. He said he would deal with it but in the same text he said ‘I bet people say things like this to you all the time’.

I think this is flirting and risk of misconduct. He says totally innocent. Either way I am leaving but please someone tell me that this is misconduct!

I don't know if it's technically misconduct, but it's gross.

His behaviour would be a deal breaker for me, and he’s told you he won’t stop.

He doesn’t respect you at all does he? 💐

Yes, misconduct.

Sorry your H is a cheating sleaze.

It’s definitely inappropriate.

Yes- this is misconduct which is aggravated by the fact he is in a position of power as her boss.

So she complained to her manager that someone made an inappropriate sexual remark, abd his response was to basically agree with the remark?

Yea, prepare for this to potentially blow up. Sorry op.

Yes it’s sexual misconduct, your husband is disgusting. Glad you are leaving.

Dirty old sod is definitely trying to get into her knickers.

Agree with this. Totally inappropriate response to a sensitive complaint from a direct report. If she's confident enough to have complained about the original issue then she may well want to escalate this and complain about your DH too.

He’s put his foot well and truly over the line. Unless he realises and accepts his behaviour is totally unacceptable, this isn’t going to end well, for him or her.

Stupid man is he flattered? I’m sorry his awful behavior is causing you such distress.

What’s he like as a whole? It’s gross and weird. He probably sees her as a sweet thing that needs looking after and he is the knight in shining armour. It’s not necessarily sexual but it’s a weird power play at the very least. Men are weird like this. She won’t appreciate it or see him as a hero. She’ll be thinking he’s just another slimy prick and to stay away. He’d be embarrassed if he understood the dynamic as it is and not how men think it is. Like she needs to complain about one inappropriate act just to receive another.

I don’t know if it would officially be misconduct and it could be taken as “urgh, I bet you get comments like this all the time” which I could also say in an “I understand” way but men rarely do say it in that way. He could be pulled up by HR if she complained.

In my work he would get a talking to and that would be the end of it. For me personally it would be so gross and inappropriate I would lose all respect for him and leave. Why are so many men so stupid and disgusting?

A manager responding to a complaint of an inappropriate sexual comment by agreeing with it is absolutely misconduct, Id say gross misconduct as its also sexual harassment itself, and breach of duty of care and trust and confidence.

And the silly twat did it via message too.

Thanks all! You have said everything I already knew but needed to hear from someone else. Going to delete the thread now.

It’s misconduct within your relationship, but for some reason I think your use of that term is intended to focus more on his job security.

I’m an HR Director and recently dealt with a similar situation in my company. The man no longer works for us.

He’s very stupid.

Unless the texts are completely inappropriate and the colleague is uncomfortable which she doesn't appear to, no it wouldn't constitute misconduct. All of my team message me with pictures from holidays and all sorts. His response to her inappropriate sexual comment isn't ideal but I read it more as, it's awful this happens so often to women (I may be being kind though). Believe me, I don't usually stick up for men at all but I don't think he's done anything wrong.

From work related texts and mundane pictures about their day?

It may not be up to her if the company investigate and feel the messages are inappropriate from Manager to subordinate.

Any decent company would be dismayed at the DHs response to her complaint. He can twist it all he likes but if they have reasonable belief it was meant inappropriately (and the flirty messages would likely help there), then they can act accordingly (gross misconduct).

Also, if he hasnt already escalated her complaint properly, then thats really not going to bode well for any "i was just sympathising how awful it must be" blag, I mean defence

So she confides in him that someone has said something sexually inappropriate and his response is to do exactly the same thing?

He’s an absolute chump! And sleazy and yes is clearly testing the waters and fancies her.

He might just find himself in hot water at work too thanks to his stupid reply.

Yes, he might as well said whatever was said himself at this point. He’s fucked

Telling a young woman that he bets people say things like that to her all the time when she’s reporting sexual harassment is truly vile. What a sleazebag. This is clearly the type of man he is.

Absolutely this. He's acting stupidly.