Is my husband's messaging a junior colleague misconduct?

[ByQuickHiker]

Think I am being gaslit and need help!
Husband is messaging a colleague who is 20 years his junior, he is her boss. I’ve seen some messages and they are largely work related. Others more personal, sharing photos about their day.

I’ve told him it makes me uncomfortable but he hasn’t stopped.

The latest…she reported to him that someone in work said something sexual to her. He said he would deal with it but in the same text he said ‘I bet people say things like this to you all the time’.

I think this is flirting and risk of misconduct. He says totally innocent. Either way I am leaving but please someone tell me that this is misconduct!

That isn’t ‘kind’ it’s foolish and unfair to the women who have to deal with creepy bosses.

🤨 I don’t actually have words to respond to your ridiculous way of trying to excuse his behaviour. I do hope you aren’t anyone’s manager, if this is how you view that comment.

Vile man. Sorry you’re going through this OP. And I do feel sorry for the young woman too.

Imagine trusting your boss enough to tell him and for them to reply like that.

He should not be doing it for several reasons. But it’s not gaslighting

My boss is about 15 years older than me and we text each other.

We also go out for drinks as a team and sometimes it’s just me and him left.

But never has he been flirty or inappropriate in anyway.

Your DH saying that he bets she gets it all of the time is disgusting!
Not only is it flirty and inappropriate but it’s also dismissive of her feelings about the incident.

If I was her, I would not feel comfortable with him being my boss and I would very likely be telling people this and possibly going over his head if he made any more similar comments.

Why is it ridiculous? You have no context at all around the texts or what was also on the text which included this comment, unless the OP shares it all. Perhaps I'm wrong or perhaps you are.

He’s gaslighting his wife, not the employee he’s sleazing over.

What a prince amoung men!

Your DH is unprofessional and inappropriate in his response to a report of a sexual comment in the workplace.
As for the other messaging of this junior colleague he's overfamiliar and unwise.
Advise him to desist.

He is thinking with his penis.

And cringy.
🤡

Hopefully, she submits a grievance about the original person and then a second one about the unprofessional way he dismissed her complaint.

We have all the context we need. The OP has given it. He is flirting.

Okay. I disagree but you are entitled to your opinion.

Is it possible he was sympathising and saying he is aware women have to put up with that kind of thing all the time?

I really want to think that might be true because to say he would deal with it and then kind of double down on the sexism and creepiness would be gross and moronic.

He really crossed the line into misconduct when she reported a sexually harassing comment to him as her boss and he agreed with the harasser. The personal sharing is unprofessional and crossing work boundaries as he's her boss, but that last one is ammunition for a serious complaint.

Get ready for a shitstorm. If she reported the first comment, she will at some point report your husband.

At best unprofessional but it could well be deemed misconduct to encourage ongoing non work related conversations. He should have directed her to the appropriate policy and complaints process. Are they using work or personal phones or platforms?

If I complained to my boss about a sexual remark and he agreed with it..... I would talk to someone higher.

No, presumably the inappropriate and suggestive comment ‘I bet people say things like this to you all the time’.

That is a reference to her looks and attractiveness - highly inappropriate.