I guess I'm looking for advice.
Me and my partner met in late 2023. We have been together for 2 and a half years. When we first met and got together, I was aware that they was in a situation ship/relationship with someone, I did not know if it was serious.
A little while later we make things official. I was happy that was until I found out from social media that they were engaged (they are Polyamorous). This did not bother me, I knew what I was getting myself into.
Now here is where it gets a bit murky. We live opposite ends of the country. I travel up and we usually spent the weekend together. Now I should have seen the signs but either I decided to ignore them or saw them too late. There has been many occasions where we have had a weekend together and then all of a sudden they have to leave to attend to their other partner. (usually this would not faze me) but we only get to see each other 2 or 3 times a year due to both of our work schedules. So having them leave while we are suppose to be able to have a weekend together is alot.
Then there is the constant calling. Now don't get me wrong I'm glad they have someone else that they can be comfortable around, every time we are together for a weekend (baring in mind its usually less than 48 hours together, that's factoring sleep as well) it doesn't give us a lot of time.
Recently it feels like their other partner is coming around but its still the same, nothing in changing. I once suggested we go away somewhere together (Maybe Spain or somewhere like that) and I got told no. They don't go out of the country because their passport isn't updated. A couple of months ago they told me they were going to France with their Fiancé to go to a concert which feels like a right kick in the teeth.
Thankfully they get along with my siblings. When we first got together I thought about joining the military and asked my partner if they would come to my ceremony if I were to join. They said no. A year later they said they would come down to the area I live in to make sure my sister was okay (she was in a bad place at the time after getting out of a toxic relationship). I should feel touched by this but I don't. It just hurts.
2 and a half years later and nothing has changed. There is secrecy around us being together. I posted about it a couple of months after we got together when it started to become serious. I wanted to inform those nearest and dearest to me. I got a message a few minutes later asking for the post to be taken down because their partners family and friends did not know... When they are with their partner communication is little to none (This has slowly been getting better but not by much).
but most of all. I told them when we first got together that I identify as a male. Regardless of this, I was invalidated for this. I am constantly called their girlfriend which does not sit right with me. They said because I had not yet had the surgeries that they would refer to me as a girl and that they did not get "male vibes" from me.
Am I going insane or am I just being gaslit?