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Original poster

7 Months Post-Kiss - Can I Forgive Him?

33 replies

NewUser2025 · 08/04/2026 13:01

In September 2025 I found out my partner kissed another girl the month prior. He didn’t tell me, although I later found out he was planning to but scared I’d leave the moment I found out.

I’m 27, he’s 28 and the other girl is 22. They worked together for 4 months until she left, and the incident happened on a work’s night out.

This is my first relationship and his third. We’d been together for 4 years by this point, and I was truly devastated. We still live together as I have no place to go. Seven months later, he’s very persistent with me and wants me, and he’s adamant it’ll never happen again because he knows the root cause. Given my naivety in relationships, I didn’t realise how much work has to go into keeping each other happy and supported.

For context… since the beginning, he’s supported me emotionally and financially and I’ve sat back with my feet up. I rarely matched his efforts. For a long while, he’d been feeling sad about the thought of me leaving him (he didn’t feel good enough for me, apparently). He also began having huge stresses at work and with his father due to his declining health. He told me that ultimately, he was too scared to ask for my help because I’d realise I “deserve better”. He thought he had to be the provider in every sense and even though I’ve always been sweet to him, he’s never felt supported by me like I have with him.

When the kiss happened, he told me it was because she was offering him comfort and in the moment he took it. He then met up with her two days later to apologise and tell her that what happened will never happen again, and they’ll never be together as that wasn’t the reason for their kiss.

Really don’t know what to do. My mum and close friend agree with my ex-partner, saying that it’s a chance for me to grow within the relationship and for him to grow as an individual. Any help to advice appreciated. I’ve give him the option to leave and be with her plenty of times, he genuinely doesn’t want to. I’m struggling to move past it. I feel so angry and bitter and I’m being nasty to him a lot cause of my resentment.

OP posts:
Shallotsaresmallonions · 08/04/2026 13:03

'I’m struggling to move past it. I feel so angry and bitter and I’m being nasty to him a lot cause of my resentment." I would say the relationship is over. You really need to move out though.

ohwtf · 08/04/2026 13:03

Dump him.

Duvetdayneeded · 08/04/2026 13:05

Get rid of him. Relationships should r be this much work. It’s a doomed and dying relationship. Move on and have better standards for yourself.

Pearlstillsinging · 08/04/2026 13:07

What a lot of fuss about one kiss!
Only you know whether you can move forward within the relationship but if you are going to have a relationship with anyone in the future, you need to grow up and toughen up.
However I am also going to suggest that you think extremely carefully about moving in with any partner in future. Don't leave yourself vulnerable to homelessness.

category12 · 08/04/2026 13:08

How can you have nowhere to go still after 7 months of this?

Get a handle on your life and move out.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 08/04/2026 13:12

A drunken one off kiss is probably the only bit of cheating that I'd be able to forgive.

But you can't, otherwise you would have done already. There's no point stringing this out any longer, you should probably end it properly.

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 08/04/2026 13:13

I can’t believe that anyone who loves you would advise you that this is an opportunity for relationship growth! If you are 27, unmarried and do not have any children then this an opportunity for you to leave someone who has fundamentally disrespected you.
Why would you stay? So that you build a life with someone who has shown you already that they are fundamentally unreliable? Absolutely not.
You deserve a better relationship and, I know this will sound harsh, but you deserve friends and family who think that you are worth more than this too.

4u2nome · 08/04/2026 13:14

This reply has been deleted

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Coconutter24 · 08/04/2026 13:19

He then met up with her two days later to apologise and tell her that what happened will never happen again, and they’ll never be together as that wasn’t the reason for their kiss.

Does she have feelings for him? Seems odd he’d have to go to the lengths to meet her and spell it out they’ll never be together. If it was a drunken kiss they’d probably both already know that… unless something has happened prior

Original poster
NewUser2025 · 08/04/2026 13:31

Coconutter24 · 08/04/2026 13:19

He then met up with her two days later to apologise and tell her that what happened will never happen again, and they’ll never be together as that wasn’t the reason for their kiss.

Does she have feelings for him? Seems odd he’d have to go to the lengths to meet her and spell it out they’ll never be together. If it was a drunken kiss they’d probably both already know that… unless something has happened prior

She apparently couldn’t stop thinking about him and was asking to form a relationship. Sounds like a girl who gets caught up in her feelings and falls hard and fast to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewUser2025 · 08/04/2026 13:32

This reply has been deleted

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You sound bloody delightful.

OP posts:
stepmum86 · 08/04/2026 13:38

NewUser2025 · 08/04/2026 13:31

She apparently couldn’t stop thinking about him and was asking to form a relationship. Sounds like a girl who gets caught up in her feelings and falls hard and fast to me.

Show quote history

Sounds like there was some flirting or an emotional relationship forming at work before the kiss. Some kind of build up which ultimately gave her hope of a relationship.
ive drunkenly kissed colleagues at work parties over the years when i was younger but the next day i was cringing, not hoping for a relationship out of it.

it does sound like he’s putting in the effort though and putting your mind at ease so i think it can work out if you can stop going over it in your head.

TheThingOnTheIce · 08/04/2026 13:38

Do you think it wasn’t just a kiss op and that this had been at least an emotion affair beforehand?
id be very angry but could probably forgive a drunken kiss but maybe not if it had been going on for longer than that

Original poster
NewUser2025 · 08/04/2026 13:45

TheThingOnTheIce · 08/04/2026 13:38

Do you think it wasn’t just a kiss op and that this had been at least an emotion affair beforehand?
id be very angry but could probably forgive a drunken kiss but maybe not if it had been going on for longer than that

I actually called her. She confirmed that they only kissed and barely spoke or interacted at work. They got along really well on the night out and she must have fallen for the buzz of it.

OP posts:
Dery · 08/04/2026 14:08

"For context… since the beginning, he’s supported me emotionally and financially and I’ve sat back with my feet up. I rarely matched his efforts. For a long while, he’d been feeling sad about the thought of me leaving him (he didn’t feel good enough for me, apparently). He also began having huge stresses at work and with his father due to his declining health. He told me that ultimately, he was too scared to ask for my help because I’d realise I “deserve better”. He thought he had to be the provider in every sense and even though I’ve always been sweet to him, he’s never felt supported by me like I have with him."

The other posters seem to have missed this bit. You don't mention having children. But unless you have children with this man and are a stay at home mother - or are physically unable to perform paid employment - why are you expecting to be financially supported by him and sit at home with your feet up? Why aren't you earning your own living? Why aren't you being emotionally supportive to him? What you describe is not a partnership - what you describe is like you're a princess and he's your servant. Who has been telling him he's not good enough for you and that you would deserve better than him? Because honestly it sounds to me like he deserves better than you.

Original poster
NewUser2025 · 08/04/2026 14:12

Dery · 08/04/2026 14:08

"For context… since the beginning, he’s supported me emotionally and financially and I’ve sat back with my feet up. I rarely matched his efforts. For a long while, he’d been feeling sad about the thought of me leaving him (he didn’t feel good enough for me, apparently). He also began having huge stresses at work and with his father due to his declining health. He told me that ultimately, he was too scared to ask for my help because I’d realise I “deserve better”. He thought he had to be the provider in every sense and even though I’ve always been sweet to him, he’s never felt supported by me like I have with him."

The other posters seem to have missed this bit. You don't mention having children. But unless you have children with this man and are a stay at home mother - or are physically unable to perform paid employment - why are you expecting to be financially supported by him and sit at home with your feet up? Why aren't you earning your own living? Why aren't you being emotionally supportive to him? What you describe is not a partnership - what you describe is like you're a princess and he's your servant. Who has been telling him he's not good enough for you and that you would deserve better than him? Because honestly it sounds to me like he deserves better than you.

Edited

I’ve never made him feel not good enough or even hinted or implied as such, which he has said. He got that own idea into his head and I never knew he felt that way until the kiss came to light.

As for being financially supported, he had / has a full time management role and I was a student at the time who’s only just got a postgraduate job and now contributing to half of the bills. Prior to that I was paying for some utilities.

Thanks for your input.

OP posts:
Dery · 08/04/2026 14:25

@NewUser2025 Ah okay, my bad, OP, sorry! That does change matters.

In that case, I don't really buy the "I kissed another women because I wasn't feeling good enough for you". That's bullshit. He's blaming you because he kissed another woman when he should be blaming himself. It's bad news for the future. What about if you go on to have children together? Is he going to be kissing or shagging other women because your time is more taken up with your little children?

It's a line he's come up with to make it more acceptable to you that he kissed someone else. That might be why you're still so angry 7 months later - he's blaming you for his infidelity. That's not to say you can't move on from this - I might be able to move on from a drunken one-off kiss if everything else is going very well - but he needs to take proper responsibility for what he's done and not blame you for it.

Coconutter24 · 08/04/2026 14:29

NewUser2025 · 08/04/2026 13:31

She apparently couldn’t stop thinking about him and was asking to form a relationship. Sounds like a girl who gets caught up in her feelings and falls hard and fast to me.

Show quote history

He has obviously not told you the full story. People don’t tend to fall hard and fast over a drunken kiss. There was more likely some flirting or an emotional connection of some sort between them both for her to feel that way about him. He obviously won’t tell you the truth as he didn’t tell you about the kiss. How did you find out?

catipuss · 08/04/2026 14:39

Either get over it or leave him. It sounds like a one off and if you talked to her and she agrees with his version of events it doesn't sound like a big deal. But if you can't get over it then you have to move out.

S0j0urn4r · 08/04/2026 15:25

The OP sounds like it was written by the male DP.

Waterdust · 08/04/2026 15:40

Wait hold up mum netters, there was a thread not long ago, about a woman that had done this and more and she was told, by netters to let it go, it was just a kiss and a grope.
A drunken mistake bla bla bla.

One poster even said dont worry op no one got hurt just dont tell him.

mondaytosunday · 08/04/2026 15:48

I tend to agree with @Dery. You don’t seem to be bring much to this relationship
And have admitted as much. Why his thinks you deserve better (than him) I have no idea. A kiss at a work party is cheating but it’s something he is contrite about why end the relationship if you care about each other? But to be honest I think he deserves more suppport than you are willing to give so move out.

Original poster
NewUser2025 · 08/04/2026 16:16

Waterdust · 08/04/2026 15:40

Wait hold up mum netters, there was a thread not long ago, about a woman that had done this and more and she was told, by netters to let it go, it was just a kiss and a grope.
A drunken mistake bla bla bla.

One poster even said dont worry op no one got hurt just dont tell him.

Yeah. There is a lot of bias on here. I’m trying to be as objective as possible about the entire situation including my flaws as a partner. He wants us to use this as an opportunity for individual and intertwined growth. Honestly, if I was certain he wouldn’t betray me again, I think I could use this entire situation as a kick up the ass. But right now, I can’t bring myself to get over it. A lot of harsh replies in the comments about how much I need to grow up. I think I’m struggling to let go of a relationship with a man that meant a lot to me. That’s Mumsnet for you I guess😅.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewUser2025 · 08/04/2026 16:16

mondaytosunday · 08/04/2026 15:48

I tend to agree with @Dery. You don’t seem to be bring much to this relationship
And have admitted as much. Why his thinks you deserve better (than him) I have no idea. A kiss at a work party is cheating but it’s something he is contrite about why end the relationship if you care about each other? But to be honest I think he deserves more suppport than you are willing to give so move out.

I’m trying to be as objective as possible about the entire situation including my flaws as a partner. He wants us to use this as an opportunity for individual and intertwined growth. Honestly, if I was certain he wouldn’t betray me again, I think I could use this entire situation as a kick up the ass. But right now, I can’t bring myself to get over it. A lot of harsh replies in the comments about how much I need to grow up. I think I’m struggling to let go of a relationship with a man that meant a lot to me. That’s Mumsnet for you I guess😅.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewUser2025 · 08/04/2026 16:18

catipuss · 08/04/2026 14:39

Either get over it or leave him. It sounds like a one off and if you talked to her and she agrees with his version of events it doesn't sound like a big deal. But if you can't get over it then you have to move out.

I’m comparing myself to her a lot - was she skinnier, prettier, had a better connection and more in common with him etc. Even if I were to “get over it” a dude this opportunity for an honest and healthier relationship, the jealous thoughts are still there.

OP posts: