7 Months Post-Kiss - Can I Forgive Him?

[NewUser2025]

In September 2025 I found out my partner kissed another girl the month prior. He didn’t tell me, although I later found out he was planning to but scared I’d leave the moment I found out.

I’m 27, he’s 28 and the other girl is 22. They worked together for 4 months until she left, and the incident happened on a work’s night out.

This is my first relationship and his third. We’d been together for 4 years by this point, and I was truly devastated. We still live together as I have no place to go. Seven months later, he’s very persistent with me and wants me, and he’s adamant it’ll never happen again because he knows the root cause. Given my naivety in relationships, I didn’t realise how much work has to go into keeping each other happy and supported.

For context… since the beginning, he’s supported me emotionally and financially and I’ve sat back with my feet up. I rarely matched his efforts. For a long while, he’d been feeling sad about the thought of me leaving him (he didn’t feel good enough for me, apparently). He also began having huge stresses at work and with his father due to his declining health. He told me that ultimately, he was too scared to ask for my help because I’d realise I “deserve better”. He thought he had to be the provider in every sense and even though I’ve always been sweet to him, he’s never felt supported by me like I have with him.

When the kiss happened, he told me it was because she was offering him comfort and in the moment he took it. He then met up with her two days later to apologise and tell her that what happened will never happen again, and they’ll never be together as that wasn’t the reason for their kiss.

Really don’t know what to do. My mum and close friend agree with my ex-partner, saying that it’s a chance for me to grow within the relationship and for him to grow as an individual. Any help to advice appreciated. I’ve give him the option to leave and be with her plenty of times, he genuinely doesn’t want to. I’m struggling to move past it. I feel so angry and bitter and I’m being nasty to him a lot cause of my resentment.

I called her. She confirmed they barely interacted at work. And this is coming from a girl who was more than happy to throw him under the bus after he told her he didn’t wanna be with her!

Some thing is off here. It sounds like he isn’t taking responsibility for kissing the other girl and is blaming the OP. I also don’t buy the story of needing to meet up to discuss the kiss.

Forgive him if you want to, but know that this was pure sexual opportunism on his part, and his daft sob stories are pure BS. They always are.

I'm afraid you need to work on being able to support yourself. You don't necessarily need to leave him right now, but you need to be able to. Otherwise you're trapped, and in a bigger than necessary world of pain if he decides to leave you. Good luck.

I know. I mentioned in an earlier comment that if I knew I could trust him wholeheartedly going forward, I would. But I can’t go forward living in paranoia that other women can catch his attention like that. He’s my first partner, I think I also have a lot of learning to he drone from this in terms of what it takes to be a supportive girlfriend. It’s a shame. I really will miss him - aside from this he really was the sweetest and most supportive. I’m scared I’ll never get this again and have the opportunity to be my better self.

To be honest, I have a successful career starting now and plenty of savings to support myself. If I’m being self-critical, I just can’t bring myself to move out and accept it’s truly over.

I asked her if anything else happened during their meet-up. She said no. I think he met up either her because she’s his boss’s younger sister, and he didn’t want to get into trouble at work for his outside antics.

Growing up I can understand, yeah. But to toughen up in what way?

I hope you managed to figure it out one way or the other, @NewUser2025 .