So, I am 40, I have my nanna who is in her mid 80s, my mum is early 60s.
My mum and my nanna have always had a troubled relationship. My god, I don't even know where to start, they have spent years not talking, then they tolerate each other for a few years and then fall out again. I have always maintained contact with both of them. There is just such a history of hurt and suffering through my family. Both of them sexually abused, no support given to either, both seem to have had unlucky and hard lives.
As my nanna has gotten older, she has become more and more intolerant of anything. We are now at the point where I phone her and all she talks about it my mum and her brother and what they've done to her. (Which I don't agree with, but she is stuck on a few stories that she swirls around non stop in her head). She has had 3 strokes, one most recently a few weeks ago. I am not sure she is of sound mind entirely and I think she sits at home stirring herself up which is not good for her blood pressure.
She has a friend who she adores, and has done for 35 years or so, but she has always sung her praises and been mean to my mum and rubbed in this wonderful relationship she has with her friend instead of her daughter (the friend and my mum are similar ages)... and she lies to the friend about us, relays information about how friend thinks I am an entitled shit and up my own arse, but friend doesn't know me then wonders why I don't want to be her friend. Nanna has never given me the chance to help her, she saves up all appointments so that her friend can take her then chastises us for not doing it. I've once taken her to the doctors, she was nice in the surgery and then when we got home, shouted at me and asked me to leave because I was upset she was slagging off my mum again.
Mum is not perfect, god she is also a pain in the ass.
Am I going to turn into this? I hate that it might be me in 40 years being horrible to my kids and grandchild.
I have over the years stepped back from both of them, because it is damaging to my MH how they both are. But nanna won't accept that the reason I do less is because I cannot stand her keep doing this. I told her just last night that I would love to receive the version of her that her friend of 35 years gets, maybe she could ask me about my life etc? She was like, what else can I talk to you about!
Do I keep calling and let her keep complaining or do I just stop and let 35 year friend carry on being the only person that can do no wrong!