Are you married to a Mama’s boy? Let’s hear you vent.

[HoneyB2025]

What are your main struggles? Are you thinking of quitting the relationship? Are you hoping things will get better? How is it like with kids? What do
you wish for?

It was because you didn't tell your own story. That looks suspicious on here. Are you new to MN?

Yes makes sense, I now see. I did later express it’s based on my own experience.

As on so many threads where there is an issue, its not a MIL problem as such, its a dh problem.

My mil is broadly fine. But partly thats because dh has my back and has from day 1. When she arrived to see ds for the first time and started in with telling me what he did/didnt need, 3 minutes in, dh told her politely and firmly that i was ds' mother and would decide what he needed. Set the tone for all future interactions.

Exactly, this is true at the end of the day it’s up to DH to set the tone from the beginning. Loving your mother will always be there but when the DH now gets his own family there needs to be boundaries. So good for you to have a DH who has your back.

Not me, but my SIL had a close shave. She started OLD after becoming single again and met a lovely man the same age (early 40s). He'd just returned from abroad and was temporarily living with his parents while he bought a house. He had a very close relationship with his mum, which SIL thought was very nice. They were always out shopping, lunching, walking etc. She started getting worried when she realised he had to ask his mum's opinion on everything and he had no friends of his own. For example they were going to the coast for the day and he had to ask his mum what time they should leave and return (even though the mum wasn't going with them!). The final straw came when they had a tiff and although it was not a serious row, they were a bit off with each other. SIL got a phone call from the mum telling her off for upsetting her son and telling her she wasn't the person she thought she was and wasn't right for her son.
After they split up, SIL found out from a mutual friend that the mum had interfered like that in all his relationships.

I think what OP is referring to is a situation where the mothers retain control over their sons, and that probably comes, to some extent from an abusive/toxic realtionship, which will make forming healthy relationships very challenging

Yes my DS married a female who was enmeshed with her controlling mother to the point of, sadly, mother attempting suicide when daughter said that she would be moving out to live with her husband.

The marriage was a disaster and the cause of many issues for all involved.

That's cool. Just always give your own take on the issue in your OP then you won't get accused of being a DM journo. 😀

I do know that the idea of mummy's boy evokes someone who's immature and doesn't know how to cook, clean or manage a house. And they think it's women's work as their mum always did it for them.

Op it's your misogyny that's the problem . . .

Wasn’t my intention

I guess partnership is key.

That is something a journalist would say 😉

A mama's boy will always put his mother first and is happy to say that. Her opinion is always right, and must be followed. There is no such thing as a private conversation with a mama's boy. Everything is reported to mother. If she is unfair to his wife , he will not defend her. His wife is on her own.

True, that’s what I realised.

I’m not a sheep , I have a mind of my own and I never accused you of being a journalist . Where you got that from my line is quite bewildering.

@Tourmalines I know you did not mention that, so thanks for that. I didn’t know how it entirely works on Mumsnet so I added my experience.

@HoneyB2025 do you have the same issue with daughters who behave the same way with their mums like your DH has? What do you call them?

This based on my experience thanks.

Why not just continue blaming women for everything wrong in your life? Why not own your own choices.

The misogyny on this thread is astounding

I see you . . .