Are you married to a Mama’s boy? Let’s hear you vent.

[HoneyB2025]

What are your main struggles? Are you thinking of quitting the relationship? Are you hoping things will get better? How is it like with kids? What do
you wish for?

Thanks for your response. Did you ever feel he chose his mum’s needs over yours and your children? Or he knew how to manage both?

I've always found that men who love and respect their mothers make excellent partners.

I think what OP is referring to is a situation where the mothers retain control over their sons, and that probably comes, to some extent from an abusive/toxic realtionship, which will make forming healthy relationships very challenging.

Thank you very much. You hit the nail right on the head. That is what I was referring to. I probably didn’t frame it the right way.

ExDP was spoilt rotten. I didn’t realize how self-centered he was until DC1 was born and be had a tantrum because he was mo longer the centre of attention - although at the time I was totally and utterly baffled by his behaviour which seemed to
come out of the blue.

I don’t exactly blame his mother because he was mature and very intelligent adult by the time I met him, so I would have expected him to understand the difference between reasonable and unreasonable behaviour.

Same happened to me, when DC was born he said exact same thing. That he feels I am not giving him attention anymore, esp when DC was only a newborn. I also didn’t expect that reaction, he is intelligent and very educated as well but I don’t think being smart had do with it. It was the emotional immaturity he lacked when a child came into the marriage. Sometimes you actually see the true colors of a partner when circumstances change. He might not have even realised how he would have acted when the child came. I think part of it is due to how he was raised.

Well yes, I think it was down to how my ex was brought up but I still don’t blame his mother because he should have and the brains to realise that no adult is going to be the centre of attention when there is a newborn baby. Although what confused me at the time was he did not say he was upset because he was not getting enough attention- instead he told me that I was trying to be the centre of attention! I was very confused at the time because it was a total surprise. It was such an odd thing to say that at the time I didn’t even understand what he meant.

With hindsight I can see that it was the start of his domestic abuse and what he was actually complaining about was that he thought he should be the centre of attention. His mother essentially told him he was God and worshipped the ground he walked on until the day she died. She did him a massive disservice but I feel strongly that he should have been able to overcome this, especially due to his age and very high intelligence.

Oh wow this is exactly what I was told too. He told me every woman kisses the ground he walks on. lol and every woman treats him like gold 😳😳. I know you say you don’t blame the mum, but this mentality and behavior has been nurtured from childhood by the mum, like he has been programmed since he was a child to think that way. The mother should have trained him to think realistically and not become a self-centered individual thinking that everyone he meets should worship him. I live in a different country from my ex-husband, he lives in the same country with his mum and when he wants to visit his DC overseas, his mother will actually tell him not to leave her, he then listens and retreats, he does not realise the mother is being selfish and manipulative. I understand that there are people who are book smart and intelligent but that doesn’t necessarily mean they have wisdom or common sense. It’s common sense and wisdom you need to navigate life.

I didn't say anything about it being a Journalist post ? So I think it's you who may be quick to judge

What really annoys me is when an OP is unclear and then lashes out and is extraordinarily rude. X100 when I am named when I a) simply asked for more context and 2) without context, nevertheless shared a story. A story that, as it turns out, was not one in line with what OP wanted but how was i to know that with what was provided?! I genuinely thought this thread might have been looking for amusing little anecdotes that are more or less amusing depending on context.

There's a big difference between the "mamas boy" you are now describing and the type I was referring to. I have had friends rolling their eyes as their dh reverts to sitting doing nothing while mum runs around feeding him, doing his washing? Etc on a 2 day visit and I have heard.of women who have to put up with real shit because their husband wont commit to anything without his mums input- from the shirts he wears, to the new jobs he applies for, to the new house he buys (with his actual partner). Those are 2 very different versions of mama's boy.

Yes ExDP’s mum sounds pretty much as you describe.

It just feels wrong to blame domestic abuse on the woman who raised my abuser, even though she did an incredibly bad job of bringing him up and was the biggest factor in his terrible behaviour…. But in the end, it was him that did it :He was in his 40s when I met him. If he’d been 17, I might have seen it differently.

Not at all but I am the mother of a son I treasure and who I hope to have a close relationship with throughout his / my life

And where is the father in all this blame? Or are only women responsible for the bad behaviour of men?

I find this thread rather objectionable

Not only was I married to a man’s boy but he is also a papa’s boy. I can’t tell the fresh hell I live in every day.
completely enmeshed. Ex In-laws have a hatred for me because, being married to their son, I showed them up to be parents who did not nurture their son into a functioning 41 year old.
Fremdschämen and all that.

I changed name for this...

This is not about my husband but my brother in law.
He is 36 years old and his mum will pick up his clothes off the floor, empty pockets, iron and fold everything, hoover his room. The mum is in her 70s and wants to do it all for him but it just doesn't seem right to me.

He doesn't live home full time as stays with his girlfriend most of time.

And there's nothing wrong with that.
I think the shocking situations are when men rely on their mums to do everything for them.

I dated a Mama's boy once.

The final straw was when she suddenly got it into her head that I was cheating on her precious baby boy and started screaming at me and calling me horrific names. I was a very young 19 and staying with them miles from home, so I had nowhere to go. He sat there and didn't say a word.

A few days later when we were both back at Uni, I said something to the effect of her being a psycho in his hearing and he immediately told me never to speak about his Mum like that. That showed me very clearly where I stood on his list of priorities and we broke up shortly after.

My next boyfriend didn't get on with his Mum at all (although funnily enough I did and still speak to her) and my husband is NC with his parents. I've been well and truly put off Mama's boys!

Understood, the way I wrote the question wasn’t very clear. Thanks for response, I thought there was only one type of mama’s boy like the one described, didn’t know there was two types.

Oh god I married a mummy's boy. I moved us as far away as I could (2 hours) but she'd still demand he came up every time she needed help with something. He felt very guilty and that he had to go.

She's dead now thankfully.

I have a son and would never behave like she did. He'd never pander to me like that either! Not sure what everyone's issue with the term mummy's boy is, perhaps they haven't experienced one.

Which is very understandable and I agree all mothers should have a relationship with their sons. But I think sometimes some mothers are unable to cut the cord and end up interfering in his marriage or relationship causing issues between the couple. So it becomes an ‘unhealthy’ relationship with the son.

Not at all. The father was not in exDP’s life so it was just he and his mother. I truly believe in a healthy relationship between mother and son, but so many marriages have been affected because sometimes the mother’s are unable to let their son’s go. I am sure you have heard so many stories.

I hear you on that. It’s not easy being with a mama’s boy. To be honest I never knew it was a thing before I got married. You were so lucky to have dodged the bullet.

He's not my partner anymore, but I was once with someone whose mum asked me where I would be hanging his Christmas stocking; we were in our early thirties. She also told me, in a conversation about having kids, that she thought mothers should stay at home and not work. I pointed out that that would be a challenge for me and her son as I was the main breadwinner and subsidised his rent... 😆

@curlyfriessoh wow I feel your pain. I was in a different country with exDP when we were married and his mum was in another country, she would still call him everyday demanding things and calling him to complain about her life. She even called him everyday during our 3-4 day honeymoon 😳. I think the last straw for me was when she told her son to tell me to massage our DC’s nose as a newborn because DC’s nose shape was too flat 😩😩. And he also came straight to tell me using the exact words. I know people don’t understand that’s why they finding offense to the term Mama’s boy, they have never experienced it and I personally wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

How did he cope or manage when his mum passed?

Ouu check mate 😂😂. But you definitely dodged a bullet there.