Trigger warning, death. Culture difference.

[cupsandcupsoftea]

I had a relationship with my ex, it ended over a year ago and he soon moved to Thailand and re married.

I found out last week he was dying and today his new wife sent me a photo of his deceased body.

I'm really finding this hard to process and can't unsee it.

Does anyone know in Thailand is this a common thing to do?

According to AI, “Yes, it is considered customary in Thailand to take and display photos of a deceased person, particularly during the funeral process. This practice is part of the broader, communal approach to death in Thai culture, where the passing is both mourned and celebrated, and family members often share these moments on social media to notify friends and relatives.”

It's of him in the hospital bed, he passed today.

I don't think it's malicious but I was upset anyway.

Plus photos last week of him extremely ill. It must be a culture thing.

I'm so sorry for your loss, that sounds awful

Thanks . I feel like I shouldn't be upset as he was an ex and didn't treat me very well. I've been crying all day though.

It wasn't a peaceful death and these photos have truly upset me.

It’s a very strange thing when an ex dies. It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions and shock. And regardless of how it ended you loved him once.
Take time to grieve and process. I’m sorry you were faced with that image - it’s understandable you are upset by it.

Blimey, that must have been a terrible shock to see those images, regardless of how your relationship ended up. It's just a very weird feeling to know that someone you've been intimate with is now dead. I have a couple of ex's who passed prematurely and even though the relationships were not good, I was very affected. It's only a year since you split, so it's no wonder that you are rattled. Sorry for your loss.

He forgot about me very soon hence the new wife.

I just can't unsee these images. I said to family what was sent and they said it's disgusting. From reading though about the Thai culture it seems the norm. Very disturbing.

It's an odd feeling yep.

He wasn't good to me either which makes me not understand my feelings

I’m sorry you’ve lost someone you were once very close to but to answer your question - this is a very common thing to do. I still think about a collegue who went back to her home country to visit her husband and sent me pictures of him in his coffin in the days leading up to his funeral. There were also pictures of mourners standing at his coffin or lying across it but I’d lived abroad long enough to understand it takes all sorts to make a world so I just said he looked handsome, a very nice man, and that she’d given him a really wonderful funeral. She was particularly pleased that she sent food parcels to the temple for 3 months after his passing so I praised her for that as well despite thinking what a burden it must have been for her being as poor as she was.

I think it wasn't a nice coffin photo, photos of him in pain actively dying then left on a bed wrapped in a sheet after a horrific death.

I'm trying to understand if this is normal.

And I'm just upset even though he was horrible to me

Interesting though Jelly how different cultures mourn the deceased.

Sorry you had to see this.

Strange of her to send them to you as well, if he had long forgotten about you like you said. Did she perhaps just go through his phone contacts and send the photo to everyone to announce his death?

I think she must have as it came from his phone number.

I expect a lot of people were given a right shock with the photos!

Horrible when you see an image that upsets you. It will fade eventually. Try and fill your mind with nice images. Stick a light hearted movie on. It won't be so dominant in your mind as the days go by.

It must have been very shocking for you.

Yes it's a cultural difference and she was actually trying to be polite and considerate to you, appreciate it hasn't come across like that though.

My dad's heavily Irish Catholic grandmother displayed pictures of all her relatives dead in their coffins in her living room. Very odd and absolutely terrifying for 4yo me but normal, respectful and polite to her and many of her age/ heritage.

I’ve just remembered how a woman in our family was informed her daughter had died during Covid. She was from the Phillipines and had married into the family and when I went to see her in the immediate aftermath, minutes after she received the news, she handed me her phone with a picture of her 27 year old daughter lying dead on a hospital trolley with a breathing tube protruding from one side of her mouth.I didn’t understand what I was seeing and it was only when I phoned the person who’s sent the picture that I understood what was happening.

It was horrendous and so confusing. Some of us understood after some time what it was and it seemed like ages at the time but it must have only been a couple of minutes whilst others were saying no, she’s ok, they resuscitated her and she’s sleeping, it’s why they’ve taken the bag of the pipe.

you must have gotten a terrible shock and I feel for you and I hope some of what I’ve said has helped a wee bit 💐

Yes common in Thai culture and the Philippines. Sorry it was upsetting for you. I’m close to someone from Philippines and she posts images of deceased relatives on her social media page (at their funerals etc). I find it very strange but then the Pope was all laid out dead for all to see. Different cultures do things differently. Sorry for your loss.

I don't know much about the Thai attitude to death etc but I do recall from trips there how graphic the photos in the press could be of murders, road accidents etc. The images were shocking but I guess the locals were very matter of fact about it all. It was a stark contrast to the impression many people have of the Thais being sweet gentle people! His wife sending photos of your deceased ex would be insensitive if she realised this was not the done thing in your culture but perhaps there's no awareness or ill intent. Try not to dwell on it.

Sorry for your loss. A strange thing to do when it's not your culture.
Very odd. Hugs

Shocking as it has been for you, if you are able it might be worth sending a text back

"Im very sorry to hear your husband died. I appreciate that you made the effort to share his passing and wish you comfort"

Rather anodyne but by her lights she was polite, and reached out.