Socially rude DH

[Smileatalltimes]

Sitting chatting in a small group my DH will often cut across the person who is talking and start up a different conversation with the person he is sat next to, or start showing them videos on his phone.
I think this is incredibly rude and embarrassing as it appears that he thinks he's got a more interesting topic to talk about and those of us who were trying to listen to the original conversation now have to compete with his loud voice discussing something else.
I feel like telling him to shut up at the time but I know he will be furious and think I'm belittling him. By the time we get home I'm loathed to bring it up and cause an argument as I know he won't agree that he is being rude.
How would you handle this?

Go out on your own.

Who are these people? Are they mutual friends or your friends?

This would be a huge turn off for me. Id be mortified

How odd. Why the videos?

I’d raise it with him whether it created an argument or not. I wouldn’t be sitting watching him being rude in company, is he normally arrogant and unapproachable.

Does he do this with you at home? If so you could bring it up then.
Otherwise I'd still bring it up at home. I mean, how ever is he going to know if you don't tell him?

You need to tell him. If you can’t-if you’re afraid of how he will react- you might need to reconsider the relationship. You should NEVER be afraid in a partnership.

Is there something unsaid here, where you don’t want to being it up and fear arguments?

I had one of these. He would interrupt people by putting his hand up. Everyone went silent to hear his pearls of wisdom. Appalling social skills. Have you spoken to him? Im aware this isn't easy.

I have noticed that the 50 something husbands of some of my friends have lost all social skills. Turned into rude, loud, lecturing men.

He does it with mutual friends and at family occasions.
He can't take any criticism from me and doesn't like me telling him what to do or how to behave.
I think he's quite thick skinned and it wouldn't occur to him that he's rude.
I think maybe I'll bring it up before the next time we go out

I'd refuse to go out with him.

How is he thick skinned if he can't take criticism?

If it’s not a hearing problem that’s rude and hardly socially adept.

By the time we get home I'm loathed to bring it up and cause an argument as I know he won't agree that he is being rude.

Are you scared of him?

If you don't tell him about himself, you'll always get what you've always got.

It would surprise me if this was the only issue in your relationship.

His behaviour indicates a callous lack of regard for the feelings of others, whilst also being hyper sensitive to criticism. That contrast is often seen in bullies or narcissists - they can dish it but they can't take it.

@CharlotteRumpling I actually wanted to start a thread about that at some point. It seems like once men turn around 50, so many seem to turn into ill-tempered, arrogant mansplaining bores who are also the most pervy and inappropriate around younger women. I'll never forget the solid 25 mins or more my friend's partner spent telling me about his corporate days in a management consultancy.

All most all the unpleasant customers I used to serve were around that age, and if a man of that age and above contacts me wanting to buy something from my website, I know there's a very high chance he's just a time waster who wants to play shop with me for a while for some attention kibbles.

I used to think this was a generational thing, but now I'm not so sure.

He’s ignorant and rude. call him out on it, and encourage all ur pals to
do the same. Let him go in the huff. And then when he talks donit
to him. Every single time. Silly man

@EarthSight no, I didn't mean my friends husbands are pervy. Just they can't be bothered to make an effort anymore. My friend actually had to apologise for her DH as he was oddly snide to me for no reason except that he happened to be in a bad mood. These are men I have known for 20 plus years.

What size is the group that you are sat in? I think that makes a difference. If you’ve got 4 people sat having a conversation and then he starts talking to the person next to him that’s rude. If you’ve got a group of 8+ people (and it’s usually the same person holding court) I see no harm in chatting to the person next to him

My ex would do similar.

Whatever the subject he’d have a Red Dwarf/Family Guy/Simpsons clip which vaguely related to the subject. He’d then make them watch it.

It was rude and cringey.

I’ve mentioned my ex and his phone before; he’d have climbed into it if he could.

People doing that does annoy me as I struggle to focus when there's another conversation going on. Although I never knew people seen it as a rude, it happens a lot in group gatherings. I don't think it's that often that people continue speaking as a whole group all evening.

He's trying to make it impossible for you to go out and socialise.

My husband's dad does this but only to women. If we were discussing something as a group and I spoke, he would interrupt me and turn to my husband and start a different conversation entirely. My husband doesn't have the balls to say, Nutcracker's speaking now, as you would to a toddler who interrupts. Now if they are with us and our friends when they come to visit, fortunately only once or twice a year, if a woman is speaking to the group, he will turn to the nearest man and start up a totally different convo with him. This is one of his many endearing qualities and I have no contact with them until they come to visit us for many reasons, including this behaviour.

Why not mention it when you’re alone.

I would never call out my partner in front of everyone.

It does depend on the size of the group though.
If it’s a very large group, then it’s ok to have your own conversations but if it’s a small group then it’s rude.

I work with a lovely woman but I hate sitting next to her at work outings, as we go out in a small group and tend to take in turns to talk. But she always wants her own private conversations and then you miss out on the main conversation.

They always were.