Socially rude DH

[Smileatalltimes]

Sitting chatting in a small group my DH will often cut across the person who is talking and start up a different conversation with the person he is sat next to, or start showing them videos on his phone.
I think this is incredibly rude and embarrassing as it appears that he thinks he's got a more interesting topic to talk about and those of us who were trying to listen to the original conversation now have to compete with his loud voice discussing something else.
I feel like telling him to shut up at the time but I know he will be furious and think I'm belittling him. By the time we get home I'm loathed to bring it up and cause an argument as I know he won't agree that he is being rude.
How would you handle this?

I would mention it light and breezy while it’s actually happening “hold on Dave, Andrea’s talking”.
If he doesn’t respond well to that he’s an idiot and not worth your time.

My ex used to do this. On a handful of occasions I pulled her up on it because I was so mortified - eg., when she did it to my boss at an event he'd hosted; when she did it really obnoxiously with school mums we'd just met - and she never believed she was remotely in the wrong. She was really nasty about it and genuinely made me second-guess myself.

Then, after we split up, so many people came forward to say what a rude person she was. There were people who'd socialised with us once or twice and then not bothered, because they found her so bad.

I know this doesn't help in terms of solutions, but I really sympathise with you! I guess mainly I am saying: if he thinks it's ok to do this he's being very selfish with your social life, not just his own.

My partner of 17 years, who turns 55 this year, does the same. He was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and the constant interrupting is apparently a very common symptom...as is the complete inability to take any criticism.

I've also noticed that it's got 10 times worse since he turned 50. To be honest, I'm not that sympathetic, as I feel he sees his diagnosis as a 'get out of jail free' card. As I've told him, it's a reason, not an excuse.

Not saying your husband has ADHD, he might just be a fucking rude git. This article might help, especially the bit about devices...
https://mindsuccess.co.uk/i-love-them-but-im-exhausted-living-with-a-partner-who-has-adhd/

That’s a really interesting article @FreeRiderand I see similarities with my H in what’s said there - especially the interrupting and circling all conversations back to himself. But it’s exhausting though - I get the need to be understanding of ND people but if it’s impacting badly on others then what would be the solution.

I have a friend who does this. It's rude but he always seems to grab the attention of the sweet/shy ones, who will not stand up to him. He seems completely oblivious to how annoying he is, as he thinks he's the most interesting entertainer/narrator.

He tried doing this to me not long ago, and I bluntly said "I'm sorry Bob, I'm listening to Mary now", like you'd do with a toddler, and he went quiet.

That’s not being thick skinned, it’s being insanely rude. And everyone else knows this. The fact you’re unable to bring it up with him properly, tells us all we need to know too.

Leave him before all your friends leave you. You know they’re discussing how awful he is after every occasion anyway

I couldn't be with someone where I couldn't bring something up like this.
Leave him. Seriously.

It depends how many people are at the table. If it’s a large family gathering it is very difficult if only one person is talking, especially if they are holding court.

The video is an altogether different matter; that’s rude.

I understand. I was just talking more widely about some thoughts I'd been having that your post reminded me of.