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Original poster

Bust up between mum and aunt - wwyd?

54 replies

Wednesday101 · 04/04/2026 10:29

My mum has had a massive bust up with her sister. Mum’s sister is also my godmother and she has made it clear she wants to maintain a relationship with me (visiting my children / birthday dinners etc)

I don’t know what to do. I know from my mum how awful her sister has been (bullying, bad mouthing my mum to other people - not nice at all) She has always been very nice to me but my gut is telling me to stand up for my mum and to not let my aunt / godmother continue a relationship with me.

I know my mum would really appreciate this. And even though my godmother has always been perfectly nice to me, I feel like she shouldn’t be able to treat my mum like that and carry on getting what she wants?
What would you do? I’d love some other opinions.

OP posts:
Ashkrevon · 04/04/2026 11:10

Ryah76 · 04/04/2026 10:37

You have said that your aunt has treated your mother really badly ..I think that says a lot! You don’t necessarily have to completely cut contact with your aunt ( although I would) if you feel torn, but I would certainly have minimal contact, I would also have a chat with mum to see how she feels.

I know from my mum how awful her sister has been (bullying, bad mouthing my mum to other people - not nice at all)

Has you heard from other people, or just her mum? @Wednesday101

Original poster
Wednesday101 · 04/04/2026 11:10

CornishTiger · 04/04/2026 11:07

we have had a lot of family fallouts over the years within my family-spanning decades in some cases. I went low contact with many of them. At the time I was fortunately enough to be geographically separated from at all so was easier.

However as I grew as my own person I had to stand up and address things when certain things come more full on to my attention affecting my sibling, my father and a family member.

I regret not taking sides tbh in some cases as it allowed that persons behaviour to go unchecked and they continued to cause further rifts in the family. Damaged relationships for years widely. They no longer control the family dynamics but the damage remains.

Thank you for sharing this. So useful to read. I’m very mindful of long-lasting effects of this fall out. I want to feel like I have stood up to the most important person to me (my mum)
thanks

OP posts:
Nofeckingway · 04/04/2026 11:10

@Wednesday101 I totally agree with this too. You can not have a relationship with anyone who talks shit about your mother even if it is your aunt and godmother. Of course she wants to be nice to you probably knowing it hurts your mother's feelings. You know your mother would defend and choose you over anyone at all. You need to do the same . If you have to you can tell aunt that obviously you can't be available to her in light of what she has done to your mother . If they work it out fine . Don't let her discuss the matter with you .

WildLeader · 04/04/2026 11:10

@Wednesday101 so your aunt is a total bitch to your mum, but sweetness and light to you, right?

your aunt sounds abusive to your mum.

abusers are one thing to some and another to others.

my ex was horrible to me, but charming to others. It’s so horrendously isolating.

you need to cancel or postpone the aunt visit this time. Your mum needs your solidarity atm.

i can’t tell you how utterly heartbreaking it is to know how vile some people are to you, you’re clear about what’s happening to others and then those others carry right on as if it’s all made up or nothing of any importance

your gut is telling you to pass on this, support your mum at this time.

maybe it’ll make your aunt think about how she treats your mum. If there are no consequences, she’ll take your continuing connection with her as approval of how she behaves.

Original poster
Wednesday101 · 04/04/2026 11:14

WildLeader · 04/04/2026 11:10

@Wednesday101 so your aunt is a total bitch to your mum, but sweetness and light to you, right?

your aunt sounds abusive to your mum.

abusers are one thing to some and another to others.

my ex was horrible to me, but charming to others. It’s so horrendously isolating.

you need to cancel or postpone the aunt visit this time. Your mum needs your solidarity atm.

i can’t tell you how utterly heartbreaking it is to know how vile some people are to you, you’re clear about what’s happening to others and then those others carry right on as if it’s all made up or nothing of any importance

your gut is telling you to pass on this, support your mum at this time.

maybe it’ll make your aunt think about how she treats your mum. If there are no consequences, she’ll take your continuing connection with her as approval of how she behaves.

I’m so sorry about your awful ex.

And I’m so pleased to read this advice from you and others. I thought that people would tell me to stay well out of it and that I ought not to talk to my aunt about it.

But my gut is telling me that I can’t stay silent - it would feel like being complicit.

OP posts:
Chatsbots · 04/04/2026 11:16

I can see that you feel you do want to take sides with this and if that's what you want to do, then that's ok.

I just said stay out of it as they might blithely make up and leave you high and dry with damaged relationships.

Staying out of it doesn't mean saying nothing.

Original poster
Wednesday101 · 04/04/2026 11:17

Chatsbots · 04/04/2026 11:16

I can see that you feel you do want to take sides with this and if that's what you want to do, then that's ok.

I just said stay out of it as they might blithely make up and leave you high and dry with damaged relationships.

Staying out of it doesn't mean saying nothing.

I am quite sure there is no way they will make up.
Thanks for this

OP posts:
Original poster
Wednesday101 · 04/04/2026 11:18

Ashkrevon · 04/04/2026 11:10

I know from my mum how awful her sister has been (bullying, bad mouthing my mum to other people - not nice at all)

Has you heard from other people, or just her mum? @Wednesday101

Show quote history

Just my mum. But I have read emails and messages.

OP posts:
Spendysis · 04/04/2026 11:21

I agree with @CornishTiger. We had a similar situation me and my dsis are nc I had no issues with my young adult dc having a relationship with my dsis they have decided not to as they have realised for themselves what she is like what she has done and how she had manipulated them

outerspacepotato · 04/04/2026 11:36

Aunt is a bully who's actively badmouthing your mom to other family?

Aunt is hoping you'll stay out of it so she can continue that behaviour. She wants your mom to not have your support.

Nope. The gifts and dinners would stop. I'm not supportive of bullies.

Be prepared for her to do the same thing to you if you stick up for your mom.

Instructions · 04/04/2026 11:37

My mum fell out with a huge number of her relatives some years ago and I took her side absolutely. She is my mum. They can all fuck off. They were vile to her.

Original poster
Wednesday101 · 04/04/2026 11:39

Instructions · 04/04/2026 11:37

My mum fell out with a huge number of her relatives some years ago and I took her side absolutely. She is my mum. They can all fuck off. They were vile to her.

I love this. I think I came here hoping for this kind of attitude!

OP posts:
OneTwinklyBird · 04/04/2026 11:57

A little against the grain here but you have only heard about this from your mum? Your aunt has not mentioned it to you?

so your mum has brought you into it? And shown you messages etc. she seems to be asking you to take sides.

i would assume your mum would be massively hurt if you saw your aunt given this, but to me it feels slightly manipulative on mums part

you know your mum so know if this is likely to be the case or not

Fafner · 04/04/2026 11:58

Wednesday101 · 04/04/2026 11:39

I love this. I think I came here hoping for this kind of attitude!

Show quote history

Well, if that’s what you want to do, do that! Why do you need permission? But it sounds as if you have a perfectly decent relationship with your aunt. Do you want to end it?

Awrite · 04/04/2026 12:09

I recently lost my Mum. I was fiercely protective of her and would definitely go in to bat for her.

For me, it's a no brainer. I am actually quite surprised by some of these posts. Loyalty to my Mum over all other people.

She never fell out with anyone though. One of my sil could be a bit condescending towards her and it really pissed me off.

Perhaps not everyone has such a good Mum.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 04/04/2026 12:14

By continuing contact with your aunt you would be attempting to sit on the fence. Sometimes there is no fence and you have to pick a side. By not taking your mother's side, she is likely to feel hurt and unsupported. I've been there and it has affected my relationship with the family members who tried "to stay neutral". Continuing as normal with your aunt is not being neutral. You would basically telling her you have no issue with her behaviour. If that is how you feel, then carry on. If it's not, you either need to challenge your aunt on her behaviour or cut contact to an extent.

Original poster
Wednesday101 · 04/04/2026 12:17

OneTwinklyBird · 04/04/2026 11:57

A little against the grain here but you have only heard about this from your mum? Your aunt has not mentioned it to you?

so your mum has brought you into it? And shown you messages etc. she seems to be asking you to take sides.

i would assume your mum would be massively hurt if you saw your aunt given this, but to me it feels slightly manipulative on mums part

you know your mum so know if this is likely to be the case or not

Very perceptive - this is entirely true. My mum has brought me into it by showing me messages from my aunt. I’m involved whether I like it or not! But yes, an element of emotional manipulation at play which I accept my mum is like

OP posts:
Pherian · 04/04/2026 17:48

Wednesday101 · 04/04/2026 10:29

My mum has had a massive bust up with her sister. Mum’s sister is also my godmother and she has made it clear she wants to maintain a relationship with me (visiting my children / birthday dinners etc)

I don’t know what to do. I know from my mum how awful her sister has been (bullying, bad mouthing my mum to other people - not nice at all) She has always been very nice to me but my gut is telling me to stand up for my mum and to not let my aunt / godmother continue a relationship with me.

I know my mum would really appreciate this. And even though my godmother has always been perfectly nice to me, I feel like she shouldn’t be able to treat my mum like that and carry on getting what she wants?
What would you do? I’d love some other opinions.

If stay out of it but let her know your mom is the priority if she presses. Your mom is the grandmother of your children and she has more right to be at birthdays etc than your godmother/aunt. You don’t need the hassle of trying to organise events and dealing with hurt feelings over exclusions. It sounds like one more way for her to try and hurt your mom.

Harry12345 · 04/04/2026 17:52

I had this with my aunts who were being absolutely awful to my mum when she was really vulnerable, I stayed out of it for years but it got so bad I couldn’t look at them. I deleted and blocked them and don’t see them anymore. It’s the best thing I’ve done although it makes me so sad. I didn’t think it was a good message to send my older children who knew the details but would see me talking and laughing with aunts when they knew their gran had been abused. Boundaries and consequences are important. Would you keep in touch with a family member who treated your husband or child the same way?
my aunts haven’t taken any accountability and play the victim regarding me not going to their homes parties etc

Original poster
Wednesday101 · 04/04/2026 17:58

Harry12345 · 04/04/2026 17:52

I had this with my aunts who were being absolutely awful to my mum when she was really vulnerable, I stayed out of it for years but it got so bad I couldn’t look at them. I deleted and blocked them and don’t see them anymore. It’s the best thing I’ve done although it makes me so sad. I didn’t think it was a good message to send my older children who knew the details but would see me talking and laughing with aunts when they knew their gran had been abused. Boundaries and consequences are important. Would you keep in touch with a family member who treated your husband or child the same way?
my aunts haven’t taken any accountability and play the victim regarding me not going to their homes parties etc

Thank you for this. It’s similar in ways to the dynamic between my mum and her sister (it’s been going on for a long time). I’m glad you feel positive about choosing your mum over them. That’s my plan too

OP posts:
JayJayj · 04/04/2026 17:59

Me and my sisters were in a similar position.

My mum and her older sister fell out. We have always been really close to her. She has gotten a bit paranoid as she has gotten older and really was being mean to my mum.

Then the final bust up happened. We stayed civil for a while but it felt awkward. My aunt then something to my sister about our mum. If it had been me, I would have said something back. But I decided to simply end the relationship. So have my other 2 sisters.

It has been 7 years now. It is really difficult. I have had a child since and I can’t believe she won’t be a part of her life.

But, she has had the opportunity to apologise and never has. A few years ago, my gran was really ill and in the hospital, my mum tried to talk to her, she could have used that to start a relationship. My mum would have been happy to move on but she gave one word answers. So that’s that.

MissRaspberryRipples · 04/04/2026 18:11

I had a massive falling out with my sister just before Christmas. She's horribly spiteful and whilst bitching about me behind my back for years she's been perfectly fine asking my older teen daughter for favours of babysitting while she goes out on dates with random men. Before I fell out completely with her she went behind my back and had my older daughter staying at hers looking after her kids whilst slagging me off to her. She then had the cheek to accuse both of my older daughters of credit card fraud which is when I called her out on her petty and spiteful behaviour as she was using my kids to be petty towards me. I told her to stay away from both me and my kids. Now her adult son barely speaks to me any more and I've never had a problem with him. He's not said anything to me about his mum but I know she's most likely told him to not communicate with me. I miss her kids but I don't miss the drama that comes with my sister

CornishTiger · 04/04/2026 18:13

Another thing is I guarantee that all the gifts you’d aunt would bring would be selected to be designed to be bigger and better than usual. Another way to spite your mother. To place the aunt as the centre of talk. Aunt x got us this etc.

Family member in my case sent the best baby gifts, inserted herself into my father’s life in place of my sibling, very controlling and manipulative. Did the same within other family dynamics. Needed to be seen as the saviour, the hero, the one. Just so divisive.

Until the table turned and it was my father’s turn to be done wrong. Of course suddenly after many years of nothing he made contact with my sibling. She’s a better person than me cos I’d had gone him to do one…

It was bloody hard for me being in the middle. At one point I thought there was no way I could get married with all that shit going on! In the end I got married without any of my family there for reasons and had a party after.

However not being able to see them all together then I visited was exhausting. Plus you had to watch what was said and silently hope the children mention stuff.

Some the rifts stem from the 80s!

MissRaspberryRipples · 04/04/2026 18:23

WildLeader · 04/04/2026 11:10

@Wednesday101 so your aunt is a total bitch to your mum, but sweetness and light to you, right?

your aunt sounds abusive to your mum.

abusers are one thing to some and another to others.

my ex was horrible to me, but charming to others. It’s so horrendously isolating.

you need to cancel or postpone the aunt visit this time. Your mum needs your solidarity atm.

i can’t tell you how utterly heartbreaking it is to know how vile some people are to you, you’re clear about what’s happening to others and then those others carry right on as if it’s all made up or nothing of any importance

your gut is telling you to pass on this, support your mum at this time.

maybe it’ll make your aunt think about how she treats your mum. If there are no consequences, she’ll take your continuing connection with her as approval of how she behaves.

Sounds like my own older sister. She used to bitch about me to everyone including our other sister and other friends. She'd soon be nice when she wanted me or my older teens available to look after her young children though. She'd question everyone about my relationship with my partner and slag both me and him off to everyone. She was nice to my teenage daughter until things didn't go her way with her too. Then she tried to slag off my daughter to me saying she's a druggie and a thief all because she figured she couldn't control my daughter and tell her what to do either. This was where I jumped in and told my sister about herself. We've fell out a few times and managed to make up but I told her this time don't come crawling back as she took stuff way too far involving my kids in her petty games. My kids hate her

saraclara · 04/04/2026 23:34

She's expecting to come to dinner at yours, for your child's birthday? Her sister's grandchild's birthday? The sister that she's fallen out with?

You shouldn't even be considering that. Hosting the bitchy auntie for a meal when it's your mum who should be there celebrating her GC's birthday, is surely unthinkable?