Can’t accept being over i feel like ending it all to escape

[Indieholic2]

I left my partner 3 months ago and we kept talking daily it’s been hard sometimes we want to sort it out that we don’t, he was hard on me at times and I felt I suffered a lot of mental abuse for walking out

we met today so I could pick up my things I thought I would feel ok because it’s been awhile but instead I feel really emotional

I want him back
but I don’t think he wants to
he did say would I be interested in still meeting him and going on dates and asked me to go for a meal this weekend
and I said yes
but I’m scared he’s going to change his mind
and I feel all upset like I want to move back in and be together again I would do anything to go back in time

how can I win him back I know stupid question
i see my mistakes now and the grass wasn’t greener
i just can’t face moving on
i dont want to
ive been very suicidal and been self harming a lot as I can’t deal with this

can you go on the date and take it from there? You are going through a huge life change and its only natural to want to go back to your safety net with him, this has taken huge courage. You could start with listing all the reasons that you wanted to leave. Its so hard Ive been there.

Tell us more about why you left him.

Taking regularly so soon into a break up is a terrible idea. You need space to process and adjust. You’re just prodding the wound and making it harder for yourself.
It does take a long time to feel like yourself again, I’ve been there. But if the relationship needs to end going back and forth won’t benefit you.

OP, please get some RL support from a professional… you don’t have to disclose to us why you ended it but if you’re in a suicidal/self harming position then you are in crisis and you need help urgently!
If you don’t have RL support then you can call the Samaritans, please recognise that you need help, whether you meet him or not, the situation with him was/is obviously complicated and I’m worried you are not in a position to make decisions in your own best interests right now.
I am sorry if I’m overstepping here but I’m truly worried for you…. I attempted suicide as a teenager and the desolation in your post concerns me a lot.
sending you my very best wishes and hoping that after some sleep tonight you will feel calmer in your emotions and more straightforward in your thoughts xxx

You need an emergency mental health appointment because you are in crisis.

Your ex is secondary right now (although if it makes you feel any better in the moment, it looks like he's being responsible and wanting to start slowly by dating and not rushing back in, he has not cut you out).

Please, please call a professional. You can call 111 right now. We are here for you x

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We wish you the very best,
MNHQ💐