My husband & i have had an awful few years, we aren't happy, can barely tolerate one another in truth. We have 2 young children. Financially i'm worried re divorce as I dont think I can afford life alone with 2 children & have no family support. I feel trapped.
We had a big row 10 days ago & have barely spoken since. We share a home together. He is completely giving me the silent treatment - which he knows I find unbearable due to childhood trauma. Completely blanking me, no eye contact, nothing. Its awful.
The row was big, I physically pushed him, he didnt do anything back. I cant even remember what it was about now - probably about me doing everything constantly & him being a bystander in our lives, constantly being asked to do things to help. I was so angry, I have PMDD & undiagnosed ADHD.
I haven't apologised, i know I should. But i think im withholding because a. Sorry holds little value when the cycle is rupture, no repair, resentment - repeat. b. I also want a conversation to talk about the state of our marriage & how we move forward, which he never initiates & we barely ever have. I'd love to have more open chats about everything really, our future, finances, hopes, dreams - but everything is civil & surface level at best.
Im spiralling mentally & it feels intolerable while having to put on a front to my children. Im sure they are aware there is tension & i cannot stand that for them, i lived with that as a child, its awful. I do take some accountability, im not an easy person to be married to, I know my faults & work on them, but he won't. He believes its all me & he takes no responsibility which isn't right - he never repairs. Its always me.
I think i just need some solidarity/clarity - what do I do? I know what i need to do but as above, Financially I cant.