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Original poster

Is it wrong to keep cards and letters from past relationships?

38 replies

SofiaJessica4 · 02/04/2026 15:55

My previous partner had an issue with me having a box stored away with a few mementos of prior relationships, including my previous marriage. The things I have kept are a few cards and letters. I don't feel I have any attachment to my prior relationships, but I value the memories and my time with those people contributed to who I am today.

I can understand keeping physical items could hold back healing and moving on.

How do you know if that is the case? Do you retain any keepsakes? I don't really want to get rid of everything, but I am now considering 'curating' what I have left!

OP posts:
niknak1234 · 02/04/2026 15:56

Yes.

imbolic · 02/04/2026 15:58

I would say no. It isn't much different from keeping diaries, IMHO.

Dinosuarlady2026 · 02/04/2026 15:59

There’s is an everybody loves Raymond episode about this exact scenario - you both might find it helpful to watch as it covers both perspectives

Brightbluesomething · 02/04/2026 16:00

There’s nothing wrong with that and this seems like your ex’s issue not yours.
I’ve lived a life and if I want to keep mementoes that’s my business. Same applies to any partner if they do the same.
Be thankful they’re an ex and do what you want.

Sassylovesbooks · 02/04/2026 16:04

Yes, I do. I have cards/letters and gifts I have been bought. None of these relationships ended because of cheating/abuse. It was simply because they didn't work out. I don't dislike these men; my feelings are nostalgic these days, and I hold fond memories.

The box of cards/letters is at the bottom of my wardrobe, along with all my written diaries from when I was around 12-21 years old!!

I have a gold locket that my very first boyfriend bought me, a gold chain another boyfriend gave me and another necklace another boyfriend gave me. I still wear all the pieces occasionally.

My husband is aware of my box and the jewellery. He's never had an issue with it. A grown adult, who is secure in their relationship, shouldn't have issues with it either. If he has a box of things, I wouldn't have an issue with him keeping it.

category12 · 02/04/2026 16:09

I think it's weird to have to pretend a part of your life didn't exist and memories are verboten.

As long as you're not poring over them all the time and have moved forward from the past relationship(s), it's part of your life's "journey".

I don't trust jealous partners not to be controlling partners.

Ohpleeeease · 02/04/2026 16:09

Memories of an earlier life become very precious when you are old. It’s ok to keep them, but out of respect for any current partner perhaps best kept to yourself.

Onelifeonly · 02/04/2026 16:13

No it's not. I've kept lots of things from ex relationships. I don't consider it any concern of my DH or anyone else.

begonefoulclutter · 02/04/2026 16:14

If you want to keep old cards, photos, letters and mementoes relating to your past then that is entirely up to you. Nobody else has the right to tell you what you can or cannot do with your own personal possessions.

albhub · 02/04/2026 16:38

My previous partner had an issue with me having a box stored away with a few mementos of prior relationships, including my previous marriage

That's his issue.
I think it's fine to keep them. You can't wipe out your past completely when you start a new relationship. Presumably the previous partners and ex-spouse meant something to you at the time. There's nothing wrong with having a few mementos from those times. It doesn't mean you want to go back to those people. I have things from some of my previous relationships (not from the 2 shitheads though...). I wouldn't want to throw them away. I have some nice photos of me as a teenager with my first love. If a new partner is threatened by that sort of thing I'd have to question what sort of person he was and if I wanted to be in a relationship with him.

Luxlumos · 02/04/2026 16:50

Dh had some mementoes of previous relationships when we met, and in all honesty I didn’t love that, but I think it would have been a huge red flag about me if I’d kicked off about that.

He chucked them out in a clear out after few years after we married and I’d probably thought more about them than he ever had. But if he wanted to keep them I wouldn’t really have cared, at that stage. They were just memories.

I’d say as long as you haven’t dedicated a spare room as a shrine it’s fine.

outerspacepotato · 02/04/2026 18:39

I think it's fine. It's your past that made you what you now are.

ForTipsyFinch · 02/04/2026 18:40

I don’t have any of those type of keepsakes. But if I did I wouldn’t get rid because a partner didn’t like it, I also don’t think that type of thing even needs to be discussed tbh. It’s a part of someone’s life, I see no need to erase any mementos to appease a new partner.

If someone has weddings pics on their bedside table or pours misty eyed over photo albums that is a different matter.

PhoebeFluffingtonFyffe · 02/04/2026 18:48

When I met a guy I had a lengthy relationship with, after about three dates he said he was going to show me some examples of his photography. He was living with his parents at the time and he got a shoebox down from the top of his wardrobe and regaled me with tons of photos of the ex who had just dumped him. Silly me did the pick me dance and unfortunately I won. The whole relationship was terrible.

The next guy went through my photograph albums when I was out and deliberately scratched out the face of my university boyfriend (who was long gone). He's an ex too.

WrylyAmused · 02/04/2026 19:01

It's your life, your past, your memories.
It is as unreasonable for a partner to want to effectively erase past relationships from your life as it would be for them to want to erase any part of your life - friends, family, hobbies etc. That would be controlling and massively not ok.

Should you shove it in their face? Equally no. But if it comes up from time to time in conversation, if you have a picture of a special holiday with them in a room, or other small everyday things like that, that's just part of life and anyone objecting would be showing that they're the red flag, not pointing out one in you.

BeWittyRobin · 02/04/2026 21:04

I personally think it’s odd. But that’s just my opinion on it xx

TheNameWasOnceChosen · 02/04/2026 21:30

I've kept a load of stuff my ex boyfriends have given me. I don't care what new partners think. It not out on a wall.

BeMellowAquaSquid · 02/04/2026 21:33

I don’t understand why anyone would keep momentos it’s weird.

justasking111 · 02/04/2026 21:34

I realised years later mine had vanished. I kept all mementoes in a suitcase pre and post marriage and children. They were the only things that went missing.

Owly11 · 02/04/2026 21:37

No of course not. Your history is important it's part of who you are. The idea that you should get rid of it/pretend it wasn't important is, frankly, ridiculous. How would your partner feel if you chucked out all his stuff if he died and you started a new relationship?

RoyalPenguin · 02/04/2026 21:37

I've got a box of old letters, from various people including a couple of ex boyfriends. I haven't looked at it for years but I wouldn't want to bin it. DH doesn't care.

AnOldCynic · 02/04/2026 21:55

justasking111 · 02/04/2026 21:34

I realised years later mine had vanished. I kept all mementoes in a suitcase pre and post marriage and children. They were the only things that went missing.

Your partner binned them?? I’d have gone through the roof if that was me.

justasking111 · 02/04/2026 22:01

AnOldCynic · 02/04/2026 21:55

Your partner binned them?? I’d have gone through the roof if that was me.

Show quote history

It was years since I'd looked in the suitcase. He'd have denied it. But he did admit to reading my diary and trying to decipher codes. Gawd knows what that meant.

He still badmouths an ex who died many years ago.

FictionalCharacter · 02/04/2026 22:02

I don't see anything wrong in it. It's part of the archive of your life, and it doesn't mean you wish you were still with past partners.

What is it specifically that your partner doesn't like about it?

Goodbyemylover · 02/04/2026 22:05

Of course it’s fine. How awful to get rid of them. Very strange and ‘cold’ in my eyes…but I’m sentimental and would feel sad if my husband threw away his old love letters too - isn’t there a song about that? Throw away your bank statements not your old love letters? Why would you not keep them to reminese in old age !