Is it wrong to keep cards and letters from past relationships?

[SofiaJessica4]

My previous partner had an issue with me having a box stored away with a few mementos of prior relationships, including my previous marriage. The things I have kept are a few cards and letters. I don't feel I have any attachment to my prior relationships, but I value the memories and my time with those people contributed to who I am today.

I can understand keeping physical items could hold back healing and moving on.

How do you know if that is the case? Do you retain any keepsakes? I don't really want to get rid of everything, but I am now considering 'curating' what I have left!

I think it would be really childish and thoughtless to insist a partner give up that kind of thing!

I put my exH's photos of his ex girlfriend into an album for him once 😁 Only because I was sick of them being in a plastic bag in the packets from the developers

I have loads of photo albums with pics of my ex, we went out for 10 years in my 20s. Got married to DH late 30s, now we're early 60s. DH has no problem with my photos although I ditched the birthday cards etc years ago.

My ex's sister is godmother to DD and we've always stayed in touch with the whole family. Not massive contact with ex BF but I'd say he gets on better with my DH than he does me....😃

DH's ex fiancee came to our wedding and her DD was bridesmaid. We've always said if we like each other we should like each other's friends, present and past. Makes sense.

Unless someone has reason to be worried, or to suspect cheating, life's too short for worrying about keepsakes....

It's none of a partner's business, is what it is. I've got bits and bobs from previous relationships, including quite a raunchy photo, which I found the other day and had no idea I'd inadvertently kept inside an old diary. I've got a very sweet mix-tape which my first ever boyfriend made me when we were 14 -it still plays and makes me feel like I've time-travelled! Another early boyfriend has become quite a well-known illustrator, and I've kept a big bundle of love letters of his because they were all beautifully illustrated with pictures of us and what was in our lives at the time. We're still in touch -platonically- and I've occasionally messaged him with a photo of one of his old drawings; it's part of our shared history. But luckily, no partner of mine has ever been jealous in that way, and neither am I. Jealousy is a huge red flag for me.

It’s perfectly normal to keep momentoes of past relationships.

So long as you would be ok with him keeping emotional stuff from your partner's past girlfriends

This

I have a box of love letters from an ex, who was the love of my life. He died recently and having them has given me enormous comfort. While I am currently single, any subsequent love interest who had objected to me keeping them would have been shown the door.

It's up to whether you choose to keep them or not. It's part of your past and part of you. My dh doesn't have any photos of old girlfriends. Apparently he would throw them once they were no longer an item. Shame really, I'd have liked to have seen what they looked like, had a bit of a laugh! But he can go cold and be cut throat so says more about him really.
Do what YOU want with them not because someone else is dictating what you do. It's not doing any harm. Really fed up seeing men like this trying to control women. It's like the dark ages.

After my exh cheated and I divorced him I burned our wedding photos and gave away all the jewellery he had bought me over the years. I had a lot as he had bought me jewellery every birthday and wedding anniversary for over 20 years. I knew I wouldn't ever wear any of it again. I offered it to my DD but she said no because it was yellow gold and she liked white gold or platinum. I gave my diamond solitaire engagement ring to my niece, my sapphire and diamond eternity ring to another niece who sapphire was her birth stone and necklaces, rings and bracelets just got given to various nieces and great nieces. The only thing I want to keep from him is my DC.

I have some cards and some ticket subs from travelling. Not every card, and not Valentine’s Day cards (I do think maybe that might be a bit weird) but I kept them because they’re funny. I keep cards from lots of people though. Anyone who’s given me a funny card or a card with something really nice written in I’ll keep it. I don’t think it’s weird, maybe it would be weird if you only keep cards from one relationship, but if you’re generally sentimental it’s fine.

I got rid of all of mine, to appease my now ex husband, and I regret it.

I think there is a difference between a special box that is tucked away to an item in every draw that you moon over after every argument. Make sure you are doing the former not the latter. Any naked pics or saucy exchanges should go.

Sounds like a controlling prick. What about the memories in your head? Is he going to wipe those out as well? Is he going to beat them out of you?