How do others handle a partner staying cross after a misunderstanding?

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Last night due to a miscommunication I pissed my DH off and he was in a mood all night and still pretty much in a mood this morning when he went off to work. It was a really stupid misunderstanding about what we were supposed to be doing last night and dinner but it ended up meaning we didn't get dinner until a bit later and he is prone to getting hangry and to be fair to him I was kind of distracted and not really listening properly so I am to blame for that.

He's also under a lot of stress at work and he's in a bit of pain from his arthritis and I think a lot of it is probably due to that. He never really came out and said anything directly to me but he was just like of giving me these short monotone answers all night and being a bit cold.

Its just upsetting as we never really fight to be honest so when it happens I'm always like fuck what do I do??? I used to get really upset and cry and beg him to forgive me but now I just kind of act normal (even if I'm actually upset) and wait for it to blow over which is what I did last night but I was kind of surprised at how pissed off he still was this morning.

Anyone else deal with anything like this?

Sulking is abusive now? Give me a
break.

No they aren't actually like I said it doesn't happen much and they weren't around to witness the issues last night.

Sounds a bit shit for you and any children swept up in this crap atmosphere

but if it’s a couple of times a year as you say and you are going to pains to describe him otherwise as a good man and decent and not other issues…. 🤷‍♀️… just crack on and wait for him to get over his tizzy fit

how old are they?

So they weren’t aware of his tizzy over delayed dinner?

,well, I dont deal eith it because its ridiculous. If you really dont feel its controlling or that you have to adapt your behaviour, fine. Id say you deal with it then by ignoring him and getting on with things or by telling him hes being a dick. I could probably ignore him mostly but if, for example, I asked a normal question and he was rude/huggy%grumpy I would probably respond with irritation.

Hangry is a cutesy way of describing being an arsehole.

What's stopping him sorting himself dinner or a snack if he's hungry? Why is it your problem to solve?

They were both out when it happened and then went they came in DH gave them supper and was fine with them while I sorted out some other stuff then I put them to bed.

Ask him outright why he seems unhappy. If he's stressed and in pain he may just be subdued from that rather than still pissed off about a misunderstanding. You could be worrying about nothing.

Of course they’ll be aware. If not this occasion then on the other occasions.

Im confused by the thread so I’ll just wish you luck in dealing with your grumpy husband

It certainly is. Have a Google.

Let he stew. He needs to grow the fuck up.

I wouldn't put up with this, I'd ignore the sulking cold behaviour and it IS deliberate because you've just said he was fine with the children so he knows exactly what he is doing and WHO he is doing it to.

Come on op, look at you coming on here minimising and excusing the man who is stonewalling you for a simple misunderstanding, this is abusive behaviour.

He sounds like a right knob to me. Normal men don’t behave like this

My DH used to be like this, I was the one that was bothered about not speaking and not making up and it was always me that said can we make up and forget about it. Nowadays we both hate it when we do argue, so are quick to make up and both apologise, not that we were wrong, but that we shouldn’t argue. We did agree that we would never leave the house without making up, or at least speaking and over the years, we have stuck to this.

However you frame this it isn’t right. Dinner was later because of miscommunication so he went in a sulk? He’s an adult, surely he can explain what’s wrong with him without sulking like a child and making people uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter if he’s in pain, stressed etc he needs to stop acting like a petulant child. As for being “hangry” he should know to get himself a small snack instead of using being hungry as a bloody excuse for his awful behaviour. And yes, it is abusive behaviour. He sounds like a manchild and the more you pander to this nonsense the worse he’ll get.

Edited to add there’s no way I’d be tolerating this behaviour or making excuses for his silly little sulks and moods.

I’m a woman.

sometimes I need to take some space to deal with my feelings.

i do struggle a bit with the idea that if something bad happens then taking a bit of time to yourself to calm down is “sulking” and abuse.

for example I am disabled and use a wheelchair. My ExH has on occasion said “I’m not hungry let’s skip lunch” and when I’ve expressed that I am hungry he’s got stroppy and gone off and left me on my own in my manual wheelchair and I basically can’t move.

humans do get upset. I personally think that taking a bit of time to calm down and then having a calm conversation is better than trying to continue to discuss something with someone who is visibly very distressed.

It sounds like your best bet is to give him a bit of space.

To be honest, he sounds a bit like me when I get in a bad mood. It doesn't happen often but when it does I get a bit monotone and monosyllabic, and just crave solitude. I'm not rude, or angry. Just withdrawn. Unfortunately, solving the issue doesn't solve the bad mood, I just need time by myself to get myself out of it.

It took DP a while to realise this, and she'd worry that I was still angry with her after we'd resolved the issue, and try and fix that, whereas what I actually needed a bit of distance.

We've learnt to deal with it over the years. I've learnt that I need to give her some immediate comfort after we've resolved an argument. She needs the hug, to be told I love her, and I've learnt that I need to explicitly tell her that we're good, but that I'm still in a bad mood. That it's no longer about her, I just need to some time to decompress.

She on the other hand has learnt to believe me when I tell her that, to let me go off and do my own thing for a bit, whether it's going for a long bike ride, murdering some aliens on the computer, or sitting in the pub with a book. She's learnt to trust that because I've said things are fine, that they're actually fine, and when I come back the mood will have lifted.

@VimesandhisCardboardBoots Thank you, I'm guessing your a guy? I do think that for men and probably a lot of women it does just take a while for the emotional state to pass and that it doesn't mean they are trying to control you or punish you. I appreciate you putting this across so well!

It’s like you’ve talked yourself in the short course of this thread in to believing that actually it’s not a big deal at all and all tickidy-boo

I have a rule never go to bed on an argument. If he is not speaking to me, I won’t share the bed with him. Early on in our relationship I’d go home even if I had not planned to. Later it was the spare room, even later into children years, a hotel. I can count on the fingers of one hand the nr of times I needed to do it because he knows I’ll just withdraw from his life entirely until he can be civil. Not saying he has to admit to being wrong and apologise - I can be in the wrong too - but the sulking and not speaking, no, not putting up with that.

Goodness… that’s quite a chequered history of big fights resulting in your husband sending you to Coventry

Do you behave like this to him op? If the answer is no then stop making excuses for him…

My partner struggles to regulate his emotions, and has form for saying horrible, dramatic things, storming off, blocking me etc.

It's one of the reasons I left him and was separated from him for over a year.

Not saying I am perfect either - I struggle to give someone space in arguments, and can certainly say pretty horrible things, too.

We both did some work when we were apart, and he now seems somewhat better at dealing with his emotions - he can still go off the deep end a little in arguments, but not to the same insane extent. And I am certainly less intense in my need to resolve them immediately...

It's all about balance and compromise, I think. I'm certainly happy to give him more space when he is upset - but if he ever does childish, controlling things like blocking me on his phone again, then we will definitely be done for good, and I think he knows that...

Ask yourself this: Does he behave like that at work with colleagues, his boss, or customers? No he doesn't, does he?

So he is able to control his overwhelming emotions when he wants to. That means he could also control them when he's with you. He doesn't. He is allowing himself to lose control.

I'm so sorry. I had an ex who was like this.