Low effort dp

[Mummblebee]

i find myself increasingly frustrated by the relationship I’ve been in for a year. We meet at the weekends only and during the weekend contact consists of good morning / good night texts and not much more. I feel like I put more effort than him in initiating contact and with gestures including gifts. I just have spent 1k on him on clothes and shoes etc over the year and other than birthdays Christmas or Valentine’s Day he hasn’t bought me so much as a bunch of flowers ( and I have asked ).
He’s usually better in person when we meet up, however the last couple of weeks he’s been disengaged and when I mentioned it he said he is stressed and it’s nothing to do with me, but I am really starting to feel the imbalance in the relationship and it’s making me unhappy and flat.
When he comes to my place, I make breakfast and make sure he’s comfortable but when I’m at his he doesn’t offer me so much as a drink when I arrive, and he always asks me to bring him something small from the shop and doesn’t offer to pay me back. He tells me what to wear when we go out to public places and I’ve paid for dinner the last 3 times we’ve been out as he said he’s struggling with money.
I posted a year ago before we were official and Mumsnet advice was that I am with a low effort man and I should bin him.
wish I had listened. So I messaged him last night at 6pm and didn’t hear back until 12am ( a regular occurrence during the week) and he said he was sleeping. I have told him that I feel I am putting in more effort to us and it’s making me unhappy. Now I’m waiting for a response.

Aw thank you @ThisJadeBearfor the empathy and advice. I think I’ll be able to spring back once the ending of the relationship is finalised and will definitely work on myself. I’ve had a windfall recently, enough to buy myself a small car and I’m looking for a new job in a career I’m passionate about. I have a lot to be grateful for and to look forward to, so no need to feel sad for me :)

xx

You have been treating him like a prince or a king, and he had been accepting your adulation and not reciprocating

Yiu task if you choose to accept it now is to treat yourself as you would like to be treated. Do things for yourself, and for your future self. It doesn’t have to be big gestures, just the little things.

have a comfortable home, make yourself good, simple nourishing food. Not fast food which appears delicious but does not satisfy. Good food, lots of water. Occasions treats.

Treating yourself well, with consideration is a really simple way of raising your self esteem. You will feel much better about yourself as you get used to knowing that you are your own priority

You could start by stopping waiting for a response from this looser. Take back your power, if you block him you are showing yourself that his opinion is not relevant to your life.

All the very best from now on.

OP, this isn't even really a relationship. You just go to his house at weekends to sleep with him, and give him money and gifts. You get nothing from him. At all.

It's incredible to me that you've been doing this for an entire year.

Sorry OP but it sounds like you're being a right mug. Why are you running around after him and spending a fortune on clothes for him etc? You need to stop. I don't understand why you would stay with someone who just isn't bothered about you.

Why are you waiting on a response? End the relationship yourself, you don’t need his input. Tell him it’s over, from the sound of things it’s not like either of you have any stuff at each others houses or holidays booked that need sorting out so just leave it there.

if he replies it’s up to you if you open it. If you think you’re going to be drawn back into trying to “work things out” then just block him after you very clearly tell him that the relationship is finished.

Read through some previous threads.
You have had a really rotten time even before meeting this man.
I am not sure if you still want another baby but why not spend some time on yourself and appreciating all you already have?
You definitely need some time away from dating.
Please just end this one don’t wait for a reply.
Then use your windfall on yourself own life.

Thank you everyone who responded. He tried to call but I never picked up the phone. I’ve just broken up with him via message.

OP - I imagine you’ve been told before but please stay single and do the freedom programme.

You’ve basically let yourself be a sugar mummy fuck buddy for this zero effort loser for a year Please look at why you threw money at this twat and didn’t even get a few crumbs back and yet you accepted it.

Please don’t date again until you’ve done that work on yourself otherwise you’ll continue to be a twat magnet

Well done for breaking up with him. It may not feel like it now but you have given yourself the best present. I am alike you and through a lot of therapy broke up with people who had no respect for me. It took time but I am finally feeling so much better.

If I was you, I’d end it and work on yourself for abit, get yourself into a good place by whatever it is you need and then go back to dating.

Are you maybe lonely ? Is that why you’ve let it continue ? Asking in a nice way sorry ?
you sound lovely and a deserve a decent man.

Ah just seen that you’ve ended it pls don’t let him talk you o to going back he won’t change, they never do.

Well done, now stick to it. This wasn't a relationship, you were a service provider.

You don't need to wait for a response from him to decide that you've realised he's adding nothing to your life. You make the decision, you don't need his agreement for it to be over.

Someone else mentioned The Freedom Programme and I think that would be a really good shout for you OP. Onwards. No more men who think they're owed a woman in their life just because of what they've got hanging between their legs.

He was no prize, you've lost nothing and gained a life.

This is so sad. Why do you not value yourself more?

Please read WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH. You will find it both enlightening and useful.

Thank you everyone for the recommendations of the book and freedom programme. Xx

Well done OP, you have just taken the first step into a much happier future.

Well done. Now you need to be stronger and don't go back.

A pp had it right, although a bit brutal, you gave him sex, money and gifts. I'm wondering what he give you in return?

You say you've been with a therapist, if you've had them a while then find another one. You need to boost your self worth massively before dating again

Give up on relationships with men and buy a whippet.

Why are you waiting for a response? Get rid! He's not worth it and you know it. Don't waste anymore time!!!

Leave him if thats what your getting a yr in then hes not worth the paper his birthday cert is wrote on alot of men are not cut from their apron strings I have one at home so before you get to waste anymore of your beautiful life leave him

This might sound harsh but I think it's worth you considering for relationships going forward. You may have set your self up for being used, £1000 on a bf in the first year is madness, even more so when it's not reciprocated. Accepting him not offering you so much as a drink at his flat whilst you continue to cook for him is sending the message you have zero expectations. End it with the user and in your next relationship make sure you're not giving more than you receive.

About bloody time. Hope you listen now.

Don't waste anymore of your time with him.. get out there join classes gym .. do things to make you feel good in yourself .
Don't let this man define who you are.. start making moves to move on and be just as disengaged .
You'll see in tje future he wasn't worth your effort x

Dear mummblebee,
Please don't waste one more minute of your precious time and energy on this parasite.
You are worth so much more!
Ditch him pronto, and before you connect with another loser, imagine you are advising your young daughter on how to pick a keeper. Then apply it to yourself.
Good luck!

What courage? Trust me even if you dumped him by text, he probably won't even respond....ever..while you keep waiting for him to beg/ plead / anything. Looks like he just CBA'd sadly.

Sorry to hear this OP, but it's the best thing you'll do for yourself. You'll feel lighter and happier..go get your self esteem back Girl.
Good on you, hugs xx

You don’t have to wait for his response, you can decide what to do based on all the things you’ve already said about the relationship. It doesn’t sound reciprocal or mutual. Make your own mind up about it and don’t wait for scraps from a man.