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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I forgive nasty comments about children?

33 replies

HoneyNutCornflakesS · 31/03/2026 14:22

Just a question but has anyone experienced an ex to say horrible things about not just you but the children you share as well? Like call them names? He called them rejects and told me he doesn't want to be a father and he never will be, he has repeatedly accused me of tricking him into being a father and trapping him (he said this repeatedly during our relationship as well) he said to never contact him again and I should only contact him if it's an emergency and he will “help” otherwise don't ever contact him again and blocked my number, he told me they are not his responsibility and I “chose to have them and didnt have to”. He has called them names and said why do I want him to be around plenty of dads don't see their kids so why do I care, he said I only want him to see them because I have “no family”. My daughter needed a tooth removed and when he found out he said I had done it on purpose to force him to be around (I didn't shes autistic and it was a baby tooth and I struggle to get her to brush her teeth due to sensory issues) anyway he went away for a few years and didn't see them then came back and said he didn't mean any of it? But I'm struggling to let it go, is it possible he didn't mean it? Why would he say it can you say stuff like this and not mean it? He doesn't understand why I can't be friends with him and forgive it all and he tries to talk like we are friends but I can't be friends with someone who said all that nasty stuff not about me but about our children. Am I unreasonable to not let this go? He claimed it was down to a mental illness I don’t have much experience with mental illness but can it cause you to say all this awful stuff and not mean it? He told me other women would be understanding and more forgiving.

OP posts:
Ohthatsabitshit · 31/03/2026 14:27

Some might, but I wouldn’t want to be “friends “ with him at all. It’s ok not to forgive him if you can’t do it in a way that doesn’t leave you questioning yourself all the time. I personally think he was honest about how he felt but now doesn’t like that version of events. Just say you don’t want to have a relationship of any kind with him and be unmoved by his needy nonsense.

ChaToilLeam · 31/03/2026 14:27

He's an arsehole. You and the kids are better off without him around. But make sure you have applied for child support, just because he doesn't want the kids doesn't mean he gets out of paying his fair share for raising them.

bigboykitty · 31/03/2026 14:29

He sounds like a real charmer. Do you have evidence of what he's said previously? He'd need a court order to see the children if they were mine.

HoneyNutCornflakesS · 31/03/2026 14:32

Yes I do as it was mainly said over text/ email. I don’t plan to show them or tell them though as that seems very cruel? I wouldn’t want to be told my father said those things about me.

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CinnamonBuns67 · 31/03/2026 14:33

I wouldn't forgive him for calling the children names, regardless of his feelings they don't deserve that. I would stop trying to include him in their lives as he doesn't want to be he's made that clear.

bigboykitty · 31/03/2026 14:34

@HoneyNutCornflakesS I wasn't suggesting you show the children. I've said I wouldn't let him see them unless it was court ordered. Any contact should be supervised initially. The texts and emails are evidence of his abusive nature and poor mental health.

HoneyNutCornflakesS · 31/03/2026 14:35

He wouldn’t take it to court so im covered on that thankfully

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speakball · 31/03/2026 14:55

No, you don’t forgive people who say things like that and then are unable to feel sorry and just seek to justify being mean. You don’t help him turn into a better person by forgetting his true nature.

Drpawpawspaw · 31/03/2026 14:56

He told me other women would be understanding and more forgiving.

tell him to fuck off and annoy one of them with him nonsense then.

facethemusical · 31/03/2026 15:30

He sounds nasty and manipulative, you're all better off without him.

HoneyNutCornflakesS · 31/03/2026 15:59

Thanks all, I honestly don’t know how he tries to talk to me like normal after he said all of this. I haven’t experienced anyone have an ex say anything horrible and their kids (only them which I could move past) but this feels unforgivable

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Mcdhotchoc · 31/03/2026 17:00

His feelings are none of your concern.
Block him.

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 31/03/2026 17:02

Bloody hell he's a disgraceful father. He should be ashamed of himself. What a prick.

Hereforthecommentz · 31/03/2026 17:06

Don't even engage, block number.

caringcarer · 31/03/2026 17:16

Block him and forget him. Your DC are so much better off without him. Does he pay maintenance? If not go to CMS.

TrashHeap · 31/03/2026 17:20

No you can't forgive that, why do you even want to try? He sounds horrible and you should stay away from him outside of contacting CMS for support

HoneyNutCornflakesS · 31/03/2026 17:30

No he doesn’t pay maintenance and isn’t working so it would be pennies anyway

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TeflonBoot · 31/03/2026 17:31

Being mentally unwell doesn't turn people into abusive cunts.

TrashHeap · 31/03/2026 17:51

HoneyNutCornflakesS · 31/03/2026 17:30

No he doesn’t pay maintenance and isn’t working so it would be pennies anyway

The point is that he needs to pay something no matter how little.

BreakingBroken · 31/03/2026 18:25

He just can’t be trusted can he?
If much more difficult when SN children involved.

Willsmer · 31/03/2026 18:26

No. He crossed a line.

HoneyNutCornflakesS · 31/03/2026 18:27

Yeah hes been rude about that too, he said my daughter doesnt even have the “good autism” 🤦‍♀️

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Amira83 · 31/03/2026 18:32

I have autistic children and their dad never did one thing for them in their lives. Its hard on your own I get it but it doesn't mean you have to accept anyone / anything. Your children would have heard some of his remarks about them and seen his behavior. Personally I'd be careful because he doesn't sound mentally stable to be unsupervised with your children.

HoneyNutCornflakesS · 31/03/2026 18:36

No they didn’t hear it was all said over text/ email

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Sassylovesbooks · 31/03/2026 18:54

Does your children's Dad want to see them now? Or is he seeing them? I rather think that your ex meant every word he said. He's now (for whatever reason) glossed over the nasty comments regarding his children, in his own mind, and wants all to be 'normal'.

I wouldn't forgive him and I certainly wouldn't be friendly. At best, he would get polite indifference from me, if contact was absolutely necessary.

Keep hold of all the text and email messages. Don't delete them. If for any reason he decides to take you to Court for contact etc, they can be used as evidence.