Would dating much younger men at 48 be unfair to them?

[hazelnutchoc]

I am 48 and after splitting amicably from my ex of 22 years a few years ago I have mostly been happily single. I did try online dating and I hated it. Then I reconnected with an old university friend who I had had a failed relationship with back then, he'd improved a lot with age and got his act together in many ways but I don't think he's cut out for relationships and commitment at least not with me and so we are now just friends.

I've just been living my life pretty quietly, doing what I enjoy and thinking if I meet someone I meet someone if not that's also fine. I have met some guy I like and who like me but they are all just a lot younger than would be ideal or I am too old. I have met three men between the ages of 34 and 36. One guy at the gym I go to, another is an assistant manager at my local supermarket and another is a man I usually bump into when I walk an elderly neighbours dog and also just walking about the local area. Two of them have asked me out directly and the other gave me roses at Valentines day so I think they do like me at least somewhat.

They are all obviously a lot younger than me and that is the real spanner in the works. I mean maybe they don't want kids and are happy to spend a few years with someone a lot older but also it feels like by taking up with one of them I'd be acting as a blocker to them finding someone they could start a life with. I am not even sure any of them know my actual age, I am sure they can tell my approximate age. On online dating I had a lot of interest from younger which I am sure was mostly guys sniffing around for sex only.

I mean this is what the universe is giving me, these younger guys and I hear its the same for lots of women my age. What do I do? Just go for it and see what happens?

I thought you meant 18- year- olds, in which case it would be creepy.
Men in their mid 30s can take care of themselves.

My partner of 5 years is 12 years younger than me.
If you like someone regardless of their age then go for it. Doesn't have to be forever does it? Just have fun

Men in their 30’s can make their own minds up about who to date . You’d just have to have ‘ the children ‘ conversation if the relationship becomes permanent

@hattie43 True, it would need to be discussed.

@CharlotteRumpling 18 years old would be too young and very creepy! I did get some fruity messages from a 24 year old on an online dating app early days before I had it properly set up with the right parameters. I had to do a double take and then realised I'd been at school with his mum and had often saw photos of him on my Facebook feed! That felt pretty yucky to be honest 😂

They're practically middle aged men, I would let them work it out for themselves.

I suppose when you look at it like that! Still when I was that age quite a lot of the guys I knew were only just meeting the woman they would eventually marry and have a family with. It all seems to take so long now. I also really notice lots of guys with older women. I know of lots of relationships where the man is a year or 2 older than the woman but of all the relationships I know with a significant age gap of 8 years or more its always the woman who is older.

Are you looking for a few dates and some fun? Then cool.

If you're looking for a long term committed relationship, these aren't the best candidates unless they know they don't want kids and don't change their minds.

Go for it! My step dad is 13 years younger than my mum and they’ve been together 17 years now. It’s nice to see her happy and also when they babysit my kids he’s there to run around with them. Win win.

You are over thinking this. They are adults who can work this out for themselves and make a choice either way.

Well I'm not sure really, ideally I would like a long term partner but then I am not really finding that in my own age group and its true that any man might change his mind regardless of age, as might I. I noticed on online dating that even men in their 50's were still "open" to having children at times.

I'm also realistic I might still a fairly attractive woman enough to appeal to a fairly broad spectrum of men at least superficially but I also know that menopause is right around the corner and that it can have a big effect on everything.

Thats nice to hear! I'm glad it's worked out for them.

Unfair how? If they like you enough to stick around, it won’t matter. If they’re only after a bit of fun they’ll ditch you when someone more suitable comes along.

@borntobequiet True, I suppose it just feels a bit taboo still even though I know its a social trend that seems to be increasing.

Date who you want aslong as they are an adult

Half your age plus seven isn’t it? Both of those sound fine. The 36 year old in particular should be able to decide his own priorities.

I will admit to a fling with a 27 year old when I was 50 which was way under that limit. And I’m certain I wouldn’t have let it get beyond a fling (perhaps it was lucky that we had nothing in common, he was just very lovely). At one point I was seeing a 41 year old and that got closer to going beyond a fling which I think would have been fine. I think for me having lots of casual dates made me much more open to people in general - letting go of ‘this has to go somewhere’ liberated me. But I know not everyone goes for casual sex. I was surprised how many of the guys I met up with on that basis ended up sounding as if they were potentially interested in something longer term.

Exactly the same situation here OP.

I'm child-free and take good care of my appearance. Never lie about my age.

I'm content single, I have noted I do get a lot of respectful attention from younger men. The quality of men my age is definitely poorer!

Honestly, I've realised that its probably MY hangups and guilt/shame complex that have made me hesitate sometimes.

I feel that I'm somehow "cheating the system" by taking the easier option. Like I only deserve to have awkward guys or weird older guys with baggage or no social skills.

I don't have time to date right now, but I'm working on questioning my limiting core beliefs.

• "Attraction is ALL about sexuality and appearance so men will "go off me" as I get older"

• "Men will ALWAYS get insulted or hurt or aggressive if they like a woman and things don't work out"

• "It will DEFINITELY be a disaster if things don't work out and I can't handle conflict or negativity or rejection so I shouldn't bother"

I think it's more my own mindset that holds me back, not "society".

In 2026 I doubt anyone notices age gaps.

Maybe if the couple are in a situation where people are nosy/they are attracting attention for other reasons? Or if they're people who are very "public" with their relationship details?

But you'll just be chilling together privately after a certain period of time anyway

Realistically many dating situations do fizzle out and/or incompatibility emerges down the line.

So if you have time and can include dating in your schedule and these guys seem attractive just get to know them better slowly and see where things go.

Watch for red flags or glimmers same as you would with guys your age. Don't put labels on things too early.

There's a difference between two consenting adults going for drinks or coffee and seeing what happens, to an aggressive older person targeting vulnerable 21 year olds in the workplace!

Conversely I recently went on a couple of dates with someone 15 years older than me, who ended it because they felt the age gap was too big. I was gutted because I really liked them and genuinely didn’t care about the age gap. Life is for living.

My ex was quite a few years younger than me, he had decided some years ago that he didn't want children and he said he actively avoided dating childless women in their thirties in case they changed their minds and wanted children. He felt he knew were he was with someone whose children were grown up and clearly too old to suddenly decide they wanted another baby!.

Good for you, OP. This age gap is fine because there’s no power imbalance (whereas, say, 18/30 or 20/32 would be troubling).

Long-term, there may be different considerations - in particular, if they want kids. I know of one similar age-gap marriage that eventually broke down for that reason. But some relationships do break down. That’s not a reason not to have some fun dating and see where it leads.

Have fun, OP!

I'm just turned 50 and in a relationship for nearly 3 years with a 34-year old. We have a shared hobby, and we enjoy going on meals/holidays. We had the no kids convo straight up.

TMI peri-menopause has given me a higher libido than in my 30s so all good in that department. Aware things might fall off a cliff.

I was widowed 5 years ago, didn't see that coming so don't look too far in the future now. If the relationship reaches a natural end point it would still have been worth it to me.

Hey @hazelnutchoc

I too think that perhaps you are overthinking. Also, perhaps thinking for other people as well. I think men of the ages you describe don’t need you worrying about their life decisions on their behalf.

As long as you are open and honest in communication - no one should feel hard done by if it does not work out.

I think it’s amazing that you have had so many in person approaches.

Finally, just wanted to say that menopause may change things but may not necessarily bring everything to a grinding halt so try not to overthink about that before it has even happened.

If they’re in their mid thirties and not married with children then they don’t want to get married and have children.

And yes, picking up on menopause: my main menopause symptom was stress and some dryness which was easily resolved with lube. My libido was always moderate rather than high but it’s still there and has only gone up since i’ve been post-menopausal. It may be something to do with not having any pregnancy worries. Whatever it is - i’m now several years post-menopause and honestly it’s fabulous. I could do with losing about 3 stone but frankly i feel fabulous and like I’m in a second prime.

No of course not if your honest about your age some men like older women if they wanted kids they might not be interested but if they want fun then go for it.