Menopausal, enjoy clitoral orgasm but find PIV sex boring and sore

[Kippergodzillar]

I’ve searched threads on sex issues and read so many threads that feel similar to my Situation but nothing that addresses exactly what I feel so I’m asking if it’s just me or …?

so I am menopausal but I’ve enjoyed a libido and I masterbate with a toy a few times a week which is just clitoral and I can get off really quick

but with my DP don’t want to have sex
I think looking back although the sex life has always been fine I actually think PIV is awful
boring, goes on and on - have to make out like it’s enjoyable but really just want it to be over
I think I’ve always felt this way bar a couple of years at the beginning
just the jabbing in any position over and over no matter what speed or rythem is just only good for him and invasive and boring for me

UTI’s and the mess afterwards always on me and not his issue
I feel as if there’s nothing in it for me
he would and can and does make me get off first which is great but then I know I’ve got to endure the PIV for ages and it’s sore and it comes out if I’m not concentrating on keeping my body held in the right position

I think I’ve always felt like this for 20 years

are there any other women who feel this way ? I think there’s something wrong with me
genuinely seeking others experience?

I find it so boring too and im not menopausal lol. Tbh i am in a serious dip in sex drive (my youngest just turned 1, so maybe it will make a reapperance soon?) Do you/your partner enjoy you giving him pleasure in otherways? Hand/oral? Maybe focusing on this side of things, maybe incorporating toys etc is an option?

Yes he is happy to have other ways of pleasure together but ultimately he wants PIV that goes on and it’s main desire and I find the in and out and jabbing in and out endless and invasive
and i hate the after effect of uti or clean up the mess
I didn’t used to have those concerns years ago but I’ve got older and it really is something I don’t want to deal with
I feel so bad I want to want it but I don’t 😢

Firstly sorry but what’s PIV? I’m 58 and enjoy clitoral orgasms through oral sex, vaginal sex is however unfortunately a physical impossibility, due to vaginal atrophy and scarring from lichen sclerosis.

Same for me. Very rarely enjoy it and finding it quite boring after a while. Every now and then, I run into a bloke who actually seems like a good fit and makes PIV enjoyable. But no, I'd happily go without for the rest of my life as there are plenty of other fun to be had in the bedroom.
Look up statistics on female orgasm. Vanishingly small proportion of women orgasm though PIV so you are definitely not alone.

ETA: are you using plenty of lube? Dryness is definitely an issue with menopause which may be why you are finding it even more annoying now compared to previously.

I can't relate because I love it but if you don't want ITIs and mess (and fair enough) but you do want to have PIV occasionally condoms would help prevent that.

When you're having penetrative sex, do you or him touch your clitoris? If not, no wonder you find it boring. Most women can't orgasm without clitoral stimulation.

It sounds like your partner has delayed ejaculation. Does he watch a lot of porn?

Penis In Vagina sex is PIV.

Im thinking PIV means Penis in Vagina?

Would it be better if he made you orgasm after? I don’t know about you but now I’m a bit older, I don’t really have multiple orgasms in one go anymore. Orgasm = done for me. I would hate to be done and then have to go through the PIV if I wasn’t feeling it 100%.

No it’s my favourite bit and always has been, has it never felt good? But it’s never lasted more than 5/10 minutes for me so I don’t have chance to get sick of it

If you are getting UTIs and are menopausal, I wonder if local vaginal oestrogen cream would help. I was getting urge incontinence and was very dry due to lack of oestrogen in the area. Ovestin was a revelation - I was so much more comfortable. I hadn't realised how much I was missing the oestrogen.

He’s obviously doing it too long. Five mins is more than enough!

Oh same OP. I just get sore and miserable after PIV sex and about 4 years ago, we stopped by mutual agreement as it was making us both miserable. Good news is, our sex life has never been more fun. We have to be creative and we’re really enjoying that part of our life now. It doesn’t have to be the end!

This, or a pessary form such as Vagifem. Even apart from the PIV sex issues a lot of women benefit from this.

We don’t because without TMI I don’t find that enjoyable or am able to touch myself the way I like while having penetration due to position etc - also the jabbing feeling totally distracts from any pleasure and rythem I need to get off with my clit being touched

Can you get this over the counter or only on prescription?

No but he is 60 and on some medication but has always taken a while (or maybe it feels like a while - ) also I’m feeling as if it’s only for him and his pleasure as I don’t enjoy it
but I do get UTI’s and the mess clear up and going to the loo afterwards and I find myself thinking I just can’t do this anymore 😢

have had some great advice on here so thank you all so much

I forget the percentage (and don’t wish to google!!) but a majority of women cannot climax through PIV, it has to be via clitoral stimulation.

For many women, the vagina shrinks, dries and changes a lot after menopause. I used to quite like PIV sex, didn't orgasm from it, but enjoyed it. But since menopause, really don't want penetration at all. I told my partner I didn't want it anymore and it was a contributing factor to the end of my relationship. I was OK with that, because to me, control of my own body is fundamental.

BUT if it had been a relationship I desperately wanted to save, I would have STILL wanted to stop the PIV but explained it to him in detail, and told him that we'd just have to settle for other sexual activity.

I honestly don't think most people understand the changes in womens bodies after menopause. Men have NO idea and even a lot of women don't really understand until it happens to them. I certainly didn't.

I think now if my ex had realised (how could he, because I didn't really know or understand at that point) he would have accepted a changed sex life without PIV. Because now he is single, with no partner and no sex.

That's true. But vaginal penetration feels good for most women because it stimulates the clitoris internally. The clitoris is large and spreads across the front of the vaginal wall so although most women need stimulation on the head, penetration is also stimulation.

You can get Gina and Ovesse in the pharmacy without prescription or online.

This ^^
Obvs you shouldn't have sex you don't want but assuming you want to indulge you OH with some PIV then look after your vagina so at least it isn't uncomfortable/ causing you uti. Can you get OH closer to orgasm before PIV starts so it doesn't take as long?

Yes, sex was becoming more uncomfortable for me but I didn't realise how much until I started to use the vaginal oestrogen. I honestly think women should be encouraged to give it a trial run to see if it helps even if they don't think there's a problem. I tried it after asking my GP - my God I felt so much better afterwards. The oestrogen is also absorbed through to the bladder and helps support the pelvic organs.

Even if you don’t do PIV, looking after your vagina is good for you own health and enjoyment!