How can I bring him round about having more kids

[ForNavyPoet]

I would usually speak to his family who know him best about him, but I don't want to tire them doing that for everything.
I remember the first time we fought it was because he thought I had said something offensive but it was a big misunderstanding as he had misheard - when he's in a bad mood he prefers to be on his own for a few hours then pretends like everything is ok. I am the same but we can then talk about it after we've both calmed down.
This argument is over children as I had told him I hated them so he thought I didn't really want any or only just one, but to be honest I just don't want to live with children like the ones I know who are feral and badly brought up, always screaming and misbehaving - that's what I meant.
He has a big family, a lot of siblings and two of them have autism and are always screaming and don't let him sleep, so at most he wants one child but I always envisioned having more of them. I can't imagine having just one child and never getting to go through that again.
He is ill right now so I feel bad about it but I don't want to be around him right now either as I asked him if he wants a cuddle and he said no just to spite me (he loves cuddles) because I said I wanted more children.

It sounds like he thought your desire for children was matching, so he agreed to this level of commitment and now you've said something different which makes him question if you are really right for each other.

I think when it comes to children, when you don't have any, making firm commitments to several children probably isn't the best idea. You may not be sure how an entire pregnancy will go. How your birth will go. How parenting will go. Imagine promising a man 3 or 4 kids, and after one hard pregnancy and a high needs baby, you find yourself not wanting to go through it again.

You are potentially throwing away a relationship because you think you want 2 of something you don't even have 1 of. I'd think carefully before doing that.

How old are you

What on earth?

First - don't drag his family into your disagreements. The two of you talk and sort it out. Or agree you have different goals in life and discuss whether this is the relationship for you.

Im so lost. You dont like kids or you do? You want children and are currently arguing about how many to have but actually dont have any yet? Then why is there an argument? Also how old are you? Why are you going behind your partners back about your relationship that has nothing to do with anyone else? I guess im trying to make sense of the post.

Oh dear

This all sounds awful for one dc, and definitely not for more, with the arguments and atmosphere.

Do you live with his family?

has drink been taken?

What a strangely written post!

This is so weird. You ask his family in disagreements?! Ultimately though, you are the one who has moved the goalposts over kids. Given how dysfunctional your relationship sounds, I think the fewer children involved in this mess the better.

Whoa Nelly! This is a whole lot of discussion about an imagined future when it sounds like there are some serious present issues you and your boyfriend? partner? husband? need to address. Both individually and in your relationship with each other.

You sound very conflicted about the prospect of having children yourself, and that is something you might want to explore, possibly with a counsellor.

It’s not clear whether you are living together or married or just dating - you say his siblings ‘don’t let him sleep’ (present tense) which suggests he is still living with his family. It would be helpful to add some more context to your post so that Mumsnetters can give more tailored perspectives.

If your chap has two autistic siblings, there is a higher than average chance he may also be autistic, and that would have a bearing on things too.

Your relationship sounds chaotic and unhappy - why would you want to bring any children into that? You need to slow down and think sensibly.

You are a festival of red flags

To say more, so do you and him have one child already?

You can't decide how many kids you want until you've had one.

It completely changes your life. I thought I wanted a big family but my pregnancy and mental health dictated otherwise.

Yep. And if I may, I will borrow this for future conversations.

Neither of you sound mature enough for a kid.

You can't decide on how many to have until you've tried it. If he has autism in the close family then it could touch you. One might be enough.

Arguing and being petty over something that hasnt happened is weird.

Good god.

You can't.

HTH

I don't understand your post, who is he, just a boyfriend, or a husband?

You wrote that you hate kids, so it's fine to be childfree. I highly recommend it, life is bliss.

You have communication issues. Therefore, you are not comparable. Spend some time apart.

Do not have kids together. Source: I am the kid in your relationship.

He has a big family, a lot of siblings and two of them have autism and are always screaming and don't let him sleep

He still lives with his family?

Best advice based on your post - don't have any.

So? Maybe he helps his parents with those 2 kids. Multigenerational living is only shameful for white British people.

You don't sound mature enough to have children , I would drop the conversation for a few years

I can see why I've had judgement but I haven't really given the whole situation. I
never said we were going to have a child tomorrow. And we would wait until he is in a better position and has a place of his own to live. Even though yes he is not white british so it's normal to live with family. I didn't think I even needed to mention those things are they are obvious but I suppose some would do it anyway.
My question was more like how best to talk about having more but I suppose we can talk about that closer to the time if that's whats best I just wanted to agree on it now then wait and find out he wont change his mind.

I thought you said you hated children and didn’t want to live with any? Your post is totally confusing!