Does "girl" give you the ick

[LifeSurvior]

Does anyone else get the absolute ick when their partner ( we are both late fifties) talks about women as girls.
My ick came tonight.
He came home from work and said his work colleague was on the dating apps and said "why are all girls such hard work"
I responded, what? You mean women surely, the bloke in question is Bob he is 59.
He responded, yes of course but the girl he took out on the date....
Absolute fucking ick.

No.

Purely what he thought was the best way to explain it in his own vocabularly.
I think it's a local thing.
If it's worth divorcing him for, then you need a re-think!

It does a bit, yes. But not as much as 'ladies'.

Absolutely

I also get totally annoyed and exasperated when women refer to themselves and other women as " girls" .

It's bad enough when men like your partner belittle and patronise women but when women themselves diminish and infantaluse themselves and other women by saying girls it is totally inexplicable.

The cool girls have found this then 😬

See I don't mind ladies as much as girls, but yes it's still a bit eurghh.
We are Women.
Why can't they say woman.

What's wrong with ladies?

I'm a bit torn on this.
I don't actually mind being referred to as a lady, I am.
It depends on the way it's said.
It's weird isn't it, but I just hate men reffering to grown women, over 20 as girls, that was my point.

When it's a man of 59 reffering to an obvious woman of his own age as a " girl" that was the ick

What if I said I'm dating a boy.
I'm 56 by the way 🙄

It’s so contrived. You wouldn’t say “gentleman” if the situation was reversed.

What’s wrong with “woman”? We are women. Woman isn’t a rude word.

I once went to a Masonic dinner and the speeches all referred to “the ladies” and just made me cringe.

When did anyone say 'woman' is a bad word?

FFS don’t join a golf club.

For me sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. It depends who is saying it and the context.

DH’s granny (she’s 104) was telling me that she and her neighbour had a “girls night” the other night. The ‘big room’ (it’s a twin room) in the home is currently empty and the staff let them sleep in the two beds in it with a film on and some snacks. They had an absolute hoot. Apparently two of the other “girls” are doing it tomorrow night and MIL is hoping to have one more girls night before it gets filled. She told DD1 and I we should have a girls night as it was great. I didn’t find that bothered me at all, in fact it was quite endearing.

Twatty husband of one of the school governors announcing at the fete that 3 of the girls were going to man the tea stall absolutely did annoy me. As did him declaring the PTA “good girls” when they raised a phenomenal amount of money.

I get the dislike of the term ‘girls’ and sometimes ‘ladies’, but what would you say to your female friends in a group setting when you’re addressing them all - “Come on women, we’re going to smash this!” etc?

As for a girls night out - you could obviously call it just a night out, but I think including the gender makes it more of an exclusive bonding type of thing if that makes sense. I’m not saying I agree with it but I get it, like lads/boys night out etc. (shudder)

Men can get away with saying ‘guys’ but it’s hardly feminist for women to refer to themselves using this term as it’s masculine (although a lot of women do).

Any alternatives?

‘Twas ever thus. In my grandmother’s time it was used as a lightly flirtatious acknowledgement of older women who, obviously, still wanted that first blush of youth. They barely had the right to vote and working outside the home was rare; their value was directly tied to their youth and beauty, and some women wanted to hold on to that for as long as possible. The men who used the term thought of themselves as courtly types - see also the men who claim that a woman and her daughter “could be sisters!”

I suspect it will die out, hopefully in the next couple of generations.

Completely get it.
We refer to ourselves as girls night out.
We don't mind it in that context I suppose.
My context wasn't that.. I suppose it doesn't sit right with me when grown men refer to us as girls.... That's my point.
I would not bat an eye if other women said girls night out..
Or if grown men say boys night out.
Urghhh....perhaps its just me when grown men say girls when they are reffering to their dating options 😬
Maybe it's just me😬
I might be overthinking!

You have a point, in that it is particularly gross when men over a certain age refer to women as girls because it seems patronising/predatory. I think for them it’s the sad fact that by calling them girls they are subconsciously deluding themselves that they are themselves younger than they are (ego driven) and/or so are the women.

I don't like the use of 'girls' to refer to grown women but I'm perfectly happy with lady/ladies as a term. And actually, I do refer to gentleman/gentlemen if I'm wanting to be polite and it's a situation where I'd otherwise use 'lady'. "That gentleman over there" is a perfectly normal thing I sometimes say, as is "Good afternoon, gentlemen". I've always used it so it doesn't seem unusual to me. I possibly read too much 19th century literature at a formative age 🤣.

No. We have girls’ nights out and we are in our 50s/60s.

Reminds me of my gran talking about the boy that came to mow the grass. He was 60 ish.

It gives me the ick. Refer to him and his friends as boys.

It's worse in a work context

I'm with you op. It's used to demean and degrade and diminsh.

Even those who do it 'through habit' or without thinking, that's where it comes from, and it's no excuse.

Context is key. I might have a night out 'with the girls', same as DH might go out 'with the boys' (having typed that, I don't think either of us say that but...). But I am a grown woman, not under 18.

I've asked a couple of people over the years why they refer to men as men and women as girls.

One (a man) said 'well 'woman' sounds rude doesn't it'. Unpicking that, 'woman' has, in some cases, become derogatory, used as an insult (it's not hard to think of the connotations where woman has become part of an insult, linked with mosogyny). Whereas it's just a plain description of who we are.

Another (a woman) said "woman sounds like you're old, don't you want to still be a girl with all that suggests?". No - I am not embarassed about being a grown woman.

At work I asked why people referred to 'the girls on reception' and not 'the boys in IT' (who, incidentally, were all much younger than the 'girls' on reception. Noone could explain that one.

Whether or not you're a royalist, they choose their language carefully and always with respect. When the Queen died, none of her family refered to her as a 'lovely girl' and her children spoke about her being a 'strong woman', 'loyal woman', 'determined woman'.

A lot of people will say they don't mind it, but it's casual sexism.

it always feels a bit impolite to me to call someone "woman" or "man". I have no idea why I feel that way! I see it in my colleagues' clinic letters, they write "I saw this woman/man in clinic today". I always write "lady" or "gentleman" or the patient's name! I wouldn't call them girls or boys though 😄

Interesting that the examples given of the real world are My Masons and golf clubs, well known sexist organisations, I think that's why it rules you. And that girls implies under 18 - grim.