Long-distance partner lied about his age twice, how to rebuild trust?

[ironyoftheworld]

I’ve been in a long‑distance relationship for over a year. We met online and became very close emotionally. He has a child with his ex, so his life is more complicated than mine, but we’ve always talked about a future together.
The problem is that he has lied about his age twice.
At first he told me he was born in 1997. Later I found out that wasn’t true, and he said he was actually born in 1994. He said he lied because he thought his real age would scare me and that he didn’t want to lose me. When I asked him why he wasn’t honest from the beginning, he said things like “what does this change?” and that he can’t share 100% with me because I’m someone he met online and he’s scared of being vulnerable or giving too much information in case things go wrong one day. He also said he’s afraid of losing his daughter if his ex finds out about our relationship.
I understand he has reasons to be cautious, but it still hurt me. I love him, and I’m not asking for every detail of his past — just honesty about basic things. Now I’m worried about what else he might be hiding, and I don’t know if I’m being naïve or if this is something couples can work through. I don’t want to fight with him, and he hates conflict too, but I also don’t want to pretend I’m fine when I’m not. I just want stability and honesty.
My questions:

1. Is lying about age (twice) a red flag, or something people do out of fear?
2. Is it normal for someone with a complicated past to be overly cautious about sharing personal details?
3. How do you rebuild trust after something like this?
4. Am I expecting too much by wanting honesty about basic things?
5. How do I communicate my feelings without it turning into a fight

You won’t like my answer but you can’t be in love with someone you have never met. He’s lied to you before you’ve meet and it will only get worse. Block him.

There is no known universe in which a man could lose custody of his child for conducting an online relationship or friendship. You believe it, which tells me you are very naive, or very young, or both.

So he lied about his age twice? When was the other time?

@ironyoftheworld - you have very good instincts and they’re protecting you now. As PPs have said, if the difference between 1997 and 1994 is material, then you are obviously very young. This is not the man for you. He comes with drama and baggage and if, as I suspect, you’re in your late teens or early 20s, you don’t need a partner in their early 30s and you don’t need a partner with baggage - most men your age won’t have significant baggage or drama. They will also have similar priorities to you.

The worst relationship mess I got dragged into was when at 19 I briefly (think 6 weeks or so) dated a 29 year old, who also lied about key information (but not his age). I won’t bother with the details but he sure as hell wasn’t worth it and the fallout cast a shadow over me for about a year afterwards.

He has lied initially about something not that important to make himself appear":better" .But then lied again 🙄 when he had the option to come clean. He took away your right to make an informed decision, so I would not trust him to not lie and manipulate going forward.

Not worth the time. He's lied about something that I think is really trivial, but If hes ok lying about that whats next ?

It also shows he does respect you enough to tell you the truth. Seems like a lot of hard work for nothing.

Wouldn't be for me.

Married.

In one of your other threads you said he was 21. So how old is he actually? Have you seen his driving licence/passport?

If this is even real, bin him and move on.

Wrong post!