Do we?

[SereneGoose]

We've all fallen in love with a house.
Sil, bil me and dh...approaching or in our 60's. v. close relationship with each other and good communication (can argue and make up etc).
We could only afford this place by going in as a foursome...do we try?

I wouldn’t, no. Not a cat in hells chance, lol. However, if you buy somewhere big enough to split fairly, and you can put in a second kitchen, sort the legals etc, then go for it..

It’ll be all fine when you’re getting along, up until you don’t. Then it will be a disaster.

You won’t know of any issues until you are already living together, then what? If you fall out it will be very awkward.

My mum’s siblings and their spouses did this. Worked great for 10 years. Then one sibling died and his wife died a year later. Their children wanted their inheritance. It’s blown the family apart. Please consider this aspect.

Yes, 4 different people, 4 different personalities. One or more major irritations where one or more refuses to cohabit any longer and the whole house will have to be sold because neither couple can afford the house on their own. It's not good to have a Pollyanna mindset when even one cog in the machine can go haywire, ending in majorly bad consequences.

As long as you go about it in a pragmatic manner then it’s a perfectly good idea. Read up on co housing and all of you go and do negotiating training. You need very clear boundaries and agreements in place written up like a contract so it can be referred to. This is a document that could be revised yearly just to check that it still serves its purpose and updated as necessary.
From a legal point of view, of course you all need to see a solicitor to make sure that ownership and inheritance and right to remain is all watertight.
The basic premise of co housing is that every family unit has their private dwelling and there are communal areas and work spaces. Everybody commits to eating together at least twice a week to maintain the community bond. Obviously this is drawn up to suit each community.
My only caveat would be don’t buy a romantic dream house in the middle of nowhere. As you age it becomes more important to be part of a community that is easy to access on foot, easy to have quick chats while out doing your errands, easy to walk to a class or the doctors or supermarket. Don’t make your whole lives around the four of you as you are likely to sink under the strain of it.
Good luck; my friends and I have talked about it over the decades, but nobody has ever wanted to bite the bullet and commit. It’s a great idea.

I actually know people who did this - couple in early 30s plus one set of late 50s parents. They all got in brilliantly before the move.

They put it back on the market after 6 months. They absolutely hated living together in ways they couldn't foresee.