Do we?

[SereneGoose]

We've all fallen in love with a house.
Sil, bil me and dh...approaching or in our 60's. v. close relationship with each other and good communication (can argue and make up etc).
We could only afford this place by going in as a foursome...do we try?

Owning a house involves so many decisions. (And noone builds hoises that size now so it must be old, ie more expensive decisions!)

Making the decisions with one other person isn't always that easy. With four of you, that's three times as many people each of you has to come to agreement with, every time.

Starting to approach 'regular tram meeting ' territory

This gets worse! So less chance of being able to, for example, put in a second kitchen.

Honestly it sounds like you’ve fallen in love with the way it looks and you’re putting your head in the sand about the realities. Sorry

I can't imagine a much worse idea, for me. As previous posters have said, it sounds like a financial mess, plus the day to day annoyances of noise, bed times, kitchen use, everyone's differing levels of cleaning/visitors/music etc.

I don't even have anyone staying in my house longer than an hour, nevermind putting my peace and financial security in their hands.

I cant stand living with anyone.
J like my space my peace and my own way.

Do it. We have article after article about the lack of "community" in our society. Well community isnt some random abstract concept that just emerges and exists, its doing stuff like this. Why would you want to live as an island, just you and your partner knocking about when you could live in a big beautoful house with family you love.
Go for it IMO

A bit morbid but what happens if any number of you die, or need to go into a care home. What happens with costs, inheritance of the building to children etc?
Whose furniture would you keep, get rid of in the initial move?

What if the other family wants lots and lots of visitors but you want a quiet life?

Or pets and the other doesn't?

I'd hate it to be honest.

It's already hard reaching compromises with 1 other adult, let alone an extra 2.

I love the idea, and the PP saying that this is what community is all about.

You've done shared holidays with them before.
How did you feel at the end of those? Glad to get home, bit of peace?
How much conflict arose, how well was it handled?

@SereneGoose What will happen with the property if one of you needs care home fees?

Do you have kids and what happens to your share of the house if you die?

I know we are all all different, but sharing the most intimate space, my home with anyone but my spouse and kids is an actual nightmare to me. Having guests, visiting each other regularly is one thing, but never being able to be apart, that sent shivers down my spine. I would reconsider this idea...

It's a crazy idea. We are very close to my brother and his husband. We regularly have long shared holidays, roughing it when we were younger and luxurious ones now we are older. They have keys to our holiday home and stay there often, sometimes overlapping with us, sometimes independently. My brother even lived with us for a while when he was in the house buying process. He is my best friend in the world (apart from DH) and I love him but it's always a relief when they go and we are on our own again.

It's very different having a family member stay in your home for a couple of weeks or years to committing to living in a shared home forever. The thought of the lack of privacy and autonomy in my own home is appalling.

When you think how hard it can be sharing with your life partner or your own DC or an adult parent the thought of adding two other people to the mix seems insane.

A friend of mine has done this, but with her daughter and daughters boyfriend. It has been a huge success as it's big enough to have a sitting room each which they say is absolutely crucial. It's nearly 3 years now. They only bad thing is people asking about future inheritance, quite openly asking how they will be able to get their inheritance out of the house and getting angry about it.

I think if it were me I'd make sure the legal side was watertight- including what happens if someone has to go into care /dies. I'd also get a cleaner for all the common spaces at least.

Only buy it if you can draw up proper paperwork and agree about what would happen if any of you decided to leave.

Discuss how rates, bills and repairs will be paid.
For example - you might keep the property for a minimum of five years after which if anyone wants out and their portion can not be purchased by the others, the property will be sold.

Make plans for a separate kitchen to be put into an out building which is big enough to also dine in.
Make sure to respect private zones.

Thank you so much for all the responses, +/- both sides very helpful...
It has 3 sitting rooms and the potential to build another kitchen in one of the outhouses..
Someone said im only talking about the house and I get that its about way, way more than bricks etc but ..

a) it IS about the house because we couldn't afford it on our own. And neither could they...
And it honestly is a once in a lifetime home...

b) thinking about it...it's also about (assuming legal/all the how we do it stuff sorted) sharing a space with people who care about each other...
In the past this was not unusual (and yes I do hear Jane Austin et al saying no!)...

Maybe a dream home just needs to stay that way..or..risk it for a future mn post saying you told me so.

Ok so here’s a question for you.

If it weren’t for loving this particular house, would you ever have considered all living together anyway? For the other benefits and despite the downsides?

If not then that’s your answer IMO.

No. I had a similar relationship wirh my DSis - we now have two unforeseen relationship breakdowns and also the pressure on caring for elderly parents has been life changing in how we relate and get on.

Great question...tbh no..but now that we are considering this one i think we may continue thinking about it even if this one goes no where because even with all the myriad caveats we do all see a lot of good reasons..

Absolutely no way. Recipe for disaster.

No don’t do it

No, there would be too many pitfalls

N O

No, no and thrice no.

Inheritance?

Good on you! But in that case, if it’s not all about this house, you can test it out by renting for a year and see how it goes. Which I would definitely want to do.

That also gives you time to consider the extra pitfalls that would with buying something together (unexpected maintenance costs, split ups, death/inheritance, one couple wants to sell, etc) and see if you can come up with solutions for those, before you look to buy.

Thank you for all the responses.
We've gone for No.
Not this one but...? If you have a HUGE house in the se Scotland area for under a million let me know.