Is it weird

[SunnyDelights]

Is it weird to be in your 30s and not had sex in 10 years? Im not Asexual, I just don’t feel ready yet after previous relationship, is this weird? It’s weird right 10years ? Or is anyone else in this situation? Should I just force myself back out there?

I've been single 8 years. I was traumatized after my last relationship. I didn't miss it but I am starting to feel like I would like to start dating again. Maybe this year

It may be slight;y strange if youve not sorted your own needs out in that time.
You've just not felt safe in a relationship.
Nobody is monitoring!

I’ve stayed away from all men, so sex would involve online dating and tbh ONS / no strings make me feel icky anyway (no judgement to others)

If you're happy like it, then what does it matter?

Don't start dating because you feel social pressure, only start dating if you want to and feel ready.

If you want to start feeling more ready, or feel like you're stuck emotionally, maybe do some counselling/therapy.

No - don't force yourself back out there! There are no rules, no right way and wrong way. In fact I think it's more a positive than a negative. So many people chase relationships because they think it's the 'norm', societal pressures, they believe the rubbish about being lonely and dying surrounded by cats. And as a result a lot of people end up in sub-par relationships that mean they can't ever be truly happy, and often forget who they are as an individual. They forget about their hopes and dreams.

Unladen by that, you can be who you want to be. If something that looks like a great relationship happens by, then great, if that's what you want. But there is so much more to life than sex and romantic relationships, and by focussing on them a lot of people miss out on a lot that life has to offer.

I’m older than you and been single and celibate for 6 years.

It wouldn’t be my choice as I’ve always had a very active sex life on my relationships but at my age the pool of eligible men is shallower than a puddle and I can’t do sex without building a connection first

If you aren't healed after 10 years maybe some therapy but also men are on the whole pretty rank and no amount of therapy will help that

It would be weirder to ‘force yourself back out there’ if you don’t actually want to.

No not particularly weird, my first marriage was a disaster. I would not force myself, but yes I would look to getting out there.
if you are looking into internet dying void the free sites, more chance of people after one thing.

What would be your purpose in “forcing yourself back out there”?

Do you actually want to be in a serious relationship with a man? It’s absolutely ok not to want that.

I have been happily single and celibate since 2012. It’s not something I even think about.

Not weird, the longer you wait, the deeper you fall in Love next time.

Only a problem if you are unhappy with the situation.
But, if a previous relationship has scarred you so badly that you have closed yourself off to the possibility of a new one, do you need some form of support to move on from this?

I guess I feel too young to be living like this? and maybe i’m missing out? but at the same time I am not ready to or able to date.

You need to understand why you do not feel able to date. Is it trauma? Is it something inside? I think between 20 and 30 is healthy to try and have relationships, to search for them, the fact you have not had them is something you should be investigating and really understand why. The fact you have not had sex is linked to the lack of relationships, as you state you are not interested in casual sex. It is not weird per se, although not sure how you cope with your sex drive? A lot of people your age really want to have sex, that’s what push them towards having it, it is not always healthy as they might end up in all sort of relationships, but it is a drive to meet people and establish connections. I don’t think I would have lasted that long, a few months yes but then it would have reallu driven me crazy!

It is wierd in society, but personally i do not see it as wierd. Sexual frustration will kick in though, and self intimacy doesnt always satisfy it.

Im not a virgin? Sorry I don’t know if it sounded that way, I have had relationships just haven’t in 10 years now

It hasn’t in 10 years 😂 maybe it will but I doubt it at this point the longer it’s been the more I’ve forgotten about it and accepted it may never happen again.

I guess it's also about the direction of your life longterm.

I don't know if you have children or want them, obviously if you did want them, that might be a motivation to "get back out there".

But otherwise, if you're generally content and enjoying your life, then why change it?

I was like this. I even had 2 children via a donor in my mid 30's. Previous relationships with men in my 20's were abusive. At 43 I dated a woman. I hadn't really known what was possible for me or what would make me happy. We married a year later and we are very happy.

I have children and dont want any more.

I don’t think it’s weird. I wasn’t ready for sex or a relationship for about 6ish maybe 7 years after my last one, and sex was a huge reason why I was put off from the last relationship. I just wanted absolutely nothing to do with it after that and I don’t think it’s a bad thing. You’re healing and you’ll be ready when you’re ready. There’s no clock. You’ve got kids already so nothing is ticking down for you. I mean, there is menopause, but if you’re happy how you are without a partner then I wouldn’t go chasing it. Healing takes time and everyone heals in different ways/time frames. Own the time you have for yourself (I mean I know that’s complicated with kids!). If you want a partner at any point it the desire for someone to share life with might start poking you, but there’s nothing wrong with you for not wanting one for 10 years or still not wanting one.

If you’ve got a lot of lasting trauma then it might be worth getting therapy but not specifically for seeking a partner. Do it for YOU to explore your trauma and heal. You might find you want to explore a relationship again as you heal but I think the biggest thing is to be comfortable in who you are and heal yourself

I've been the same since my marriage ended 6 years ago. Not interested. Haven't bothered seeking it out for a long time. Initially I tried old and realised the dating situation was gross. I'm 36 and absolutely love my single life. I've not felt any loss of sex. My ex pressured and guilt tripped me into it. To the point where I struggled with any sort of intimacy because I was so worried he wanted something out of it. Recently I had a situation which could have resulted in sex but didn't. It actually restored my faith a bit in men. However it rarely crosses my mind and even more rarely to I feel any sort of need. I wouldn't feel at all surprised to find I'm in the same place in another 6 years.

Are you happy? If so, then who cares? Life is here for you to live in whatever way suits you best.

Thats the thing I don’t know if im happy, im wondering if I will end up regretting it

You'll regret what, though? Regret not regretting not having sex?