Monjauro

[Namechangedforthiswon]

I love my partner dearly, she is everything I’ve ever wanted, she is the most amazing person and I genuinely wouldn’t change a single thing about her, except for one thing - her weight.

She is in her early 30’s, I am in my mid 30’s and she is 5’1 and around 80kg. I still find her hugely attractive but I am worried about her future health and how her weight might impact her, especially later in life.

She eats well and will often go for runs but her natural body shape has always been bigger so it’s not easy for her to lose weight. I have friends who have used weight loss jabs with success and I am wondering how, or if, I broach the subject with her without destroying her self esteem?

an important note: she has suffered from bulimia throughout her adult life and I absolutely do not want her to fall back into that.

do I say nothing, do we have an adult conversation or do I order it for her and pass it off as pens that my friends double ordered?

I appreciate this probably won’t go down well, but I am asking because I love her, not because I want to change her aesthetically for my own benefit.

5ft 1, 12st 5.
Imagine she's a size 14?
You write this as though she is a size 22 and clinically obese.
Have a word with yourself. And DO NOT order pens and force them on her.

If she has ever at any point in the past been officially diagnosed with any sort of eating disorder then she wouldn’t be allowed the injections anyway. So no you should absolutely not try and get her to take them.

If she’s 5ft 1 and 12 st 5 then she is clinically obese. Her BMI would be 32.7 or thereabouts depending on ethnicity.

I don’t think WLI are recommended for people who have a history of eating disorders. Maybe talk about both of you eating more healthily and getting fitter and see what comes from that conversation?

How does she feel about her weight? Does she ever mention it? She’s not hugely overweight, so does your concern stem from the fact that she’s recently put on weight rapidly?
As someone who was overweight for a lot of my adult life and only lost the weight a few years ago, I can tell you that she knows what she weighs - she doesn’t need you to tell her.
You say that she’s fit, healthy and active, so what exactly is it that’s worrying you? She’s had eating disorders, so I really wouldn’t mention weight. If you are genuinely concerned and feel you have to say something I’d broach it as wanting to eat more healthily and be more active and would she like to join you, but, as it stands I wouldn’t say anything and certainly not that you think she should start weight loss injections.

She is an adult with agency and you are not the weight police.

Not sure why anyone is trying to argue she’s not very overweight when she is clinically obese. However, that’s by-the-by. These WLIs are talked about everywhere. Obviously she will be aware of them. Especially given her history of ED, I would definitely not mention it.

They wouldn’t be prescribed if she has disordered eating history and also it’s 100% her body, her choice.

Yep, so with a history of bulimia she would not be prescribed WLI for fairly obvious reasons. You should also not fraudulently acquire prescription medication and “pass it on” to her. It is illegal to do so. No one “double orders” a prescription medication that costs £100 to £200 and hands it on to someone else, that doesn’t even make sense as a cover story.

She is clinically obese with a bmi of about 33.

BMI is an important factor, but it doesn’t take into account fitness, fat distribution, muscle mass etc. A BMI of 33 is only just over the overweight category into obese. I’m not discounting BMI, but it sounds like she’s active and fairly fit. At my biggest I was much bigger than this and if my DH had turned up with weight loss injections that he’d got for me it would have devastated me. He wouldn’t have done though, because he’s a kind man who loved me when I was fat and now I’m much thinner and never once criticised my weight, or even mentioned it. He knew I wasn’t happy bigger and supported me as I lost the weight, but never once criticised my size or said that I look ‘better’ now. He just says he’s happy that I’m happy.

I'm 5'7 and 80kg, and size 14, so she may be bigger, but so what?

As PP's have said, WLI are not advised fir people with eating disorders, so I'd stay away from them if I were her. And also advise her to stay away from you if weight is so important to you

Thanks for the replies.

to answer a few questions:

she is a size 16, some of her clothes are an 18. She may well be heavier but I have never asked how much she weighs , for obvious reasons.

I am not the weight police, but we are each others future and I don’t want her to suffer ill health later in life; my grand dad died of a heart attack at 61, he was a shade over 17st (but 5’10) - if he had the option of weight loss injections he would have had them in a heartbeat.

She actually brought it up in conversation last week, saying she was thinking about them but was worried about putting something alien in her body. I didn’t really say anything at the time except I told her I loved her how she was, which I do.

She is very body confident and doesn’t worry about her weight, although she does want to lose some weight.

i didn’t know about the issues surrounding previous eating disorders so please excuse my ignorance.

Then it’s her choice and my advice to you would be to be like my husband, who was supportive and kind. Don’t get her weight loss injections - if you want to do a fitness campaign together, then do, but be led by her and what she wants to do.

She could drop a lot of useless weight by dumping you @Namechangedforthiswon

Medical abuse is what you are trying to do.

I think it’s something the person has to decide for themselves. If she brings it up again just say you’ll support her if she wants to do it but I wouldn’t push it more than that.

From your post, there is evidently some weight she could lose overnight

If she brings it up again I would discuss that WLI are not prescribed to those with a history of eating disorders, and that would be a big worry were she to somehow acquire them without being honest with the prescriber.

I wouldn't mention the jab. We all at some stage of our life want to be healthier and change our lifestyles to be a better version of ourselves, I wouldn't call it a diet because it's not, being healthy makes you become more active, physically and mentally, to get there you have to change to healthier food and exercise, but it's got to be what you both enjoy or you won't stick to it. Walking helped me immensely, I enjoyed relaxing with wildlife, taking photos and videos after my walk. It's great that you can do it together but it's got to be something she wants to do

As others have said, with a history of bulimia, she will get be prescribed them. Your health records are checked for history of things like this before they will prescribe.

However, aside from that, if she’s mentioned it to you, then she’s clearly thinking of them. I’d wanted to try them for so long but was worried about my partner’s view on it. I’d mentioned them briefly, having followed a calorie deficit for 6 months and lost only 8lbs (obviously I wasn’t doing very well in the calorie deficit!), and a few weeks later, he suggested to me to try them to see if it helped. I didn’t take offence at the suggestion, and saw it almost as “consent” to go ahead. That’s not to say he’s my keeper, but it felt like a overwhelming decision to give them a try and one that I didn’t want to make alone and when he agreed with me, it helped me take that next step to ordering them.

Absolutely this. Are you actually for real? You want to tell your partner, who has suffered from an eating disorder, that she should inject herself with pharmaceuticals that may make her feel ill because she needs to lose weight?

So you're not allowed to be concerned because she's an 'adult with agency'? Do you say the same to people who drink too much or take drugs? Nonsense. She's clinically obese. I'd mention it to my partner too if I had one.

Again, thank you to some of you….

For those that are being nasty, please take the time to re-read my OP again…. I love her how she is, this isn’t about me it’s about her and her long term health. And I am only thinking about this now as it was brought up in conversation last week

There are dozens of posts on MN where it’s the opposite way around and unsurprisingly the responses are like night and day.

All I want to do is help her.

What do you mean about dozens of posts the opposite way round? Do you mean women wanting to raise the issue of their male partner’s weight and suggest obtaining WLI to offer them?

I think that any “opposite way round” thoughts need to factor in the societal pressure on women with regard to their weight/appearance that is nowhere near the same for men. Men also find it easier to lose weight due to differences in their metabolism.

The evidence on those weight loss injections will come out and in 10/20 years time I’m sure people will regret taking them.
And by the way, it is virtually impossible to get someone to change their weight without them wanting to. Trust me, I know.

If she’s 5’1” and 80kg she is clinically obese.