Facebook stalking can be good

[Torchout]

Spending time in hospital can focus the mind. I've spent a lot of time looking at old school photos. I had forgotten that I was actually effortlessly pretty due to emotional trauma.
I met someone who I thought was the love of my life but as soon as he left the RAF he ditched me.
I had a look at his profile. Tbh his current partner is nothing like me, short, slightly dumpy but they look happy together.

It made me realise that I was just the girlfriend you showed off. He never made me think it was long term though.

I'm happy with a family who make me feel special and can now accept it was never about me.

Actually yeah you problematically objectified a guy to act as your beard… he might call it emotional abuse. He might have really liked you.
Like you sound like an emotional abuser - it’s not that deep? You did it - who are you to decide how the victim should feel?

Hey I worked hard for that body. Going to gym before women did that sort of thing. Running, again before women did that sort of thing.

I admit that I wasn't the only one in the relationship who had raging hormones. It's hard to explain how being thought, and shown to be sexy was my raison d'etre. We did have a great sex life, at it like rabbits as they say. It just fell away and with it my perceived worth.

Effortlessly pretty/ worked hard for that body by running? How does running give you "page 3 tits"? And why is that a flex anyway.
Utterly batshit.

overall its brains and personality that matter most for me

Your post sounds absolutely batshit crazy.

I object to being called batshit crazy. This wasn't a conscious decision. I just saw him in the pub and that was that.

Its obvious that there are some people here who select there partners with more rationale than I did him. Have you never just set eyes on a man and though you just had to have sex with them ASAP?

Its really hard to explain my mental status as ,it sounds a trope, I have ADHD and this heavy sexual relationship was a hyperfocus. I've no other way to describe it, everything I did for 4 years was for and about him. Literally everything, the PDAs, were my friends explained, a worry, but felt they couldn't say anything as I was besotted.

Before you make any shitty comments what would you say if it was your DD here,

If I had a DD - or even a friend - who was posting threads like this, I'd staging some sort of intervention to get them to step away from the internet.

Hey I worked hard for that body. Going to gym before women did that sort of thing. Running, again before women did that sort of thing.

So this relationship happened when? The 1970s-80s? And you're still angsting over it in 2026?

There was no Internet in 1982

Yes. I'm realising how much my ADHD played into this. For four years I literally had no other interests, and once the subject of your hyper focus is taken away forcibly it does affect you mentally.

No, I mean if you were my DD/friend I'd be telling you to step away from the internet NOW, not in 1982.

OP, you split up with this man FORTY YEARS AGO. It's not remotely healthy to still be in this state about it. Perfectly normal to be upset at the time, but you should 100% be over it now and certainly not looking up pictures of the guy's wife and comparing your appearance in the early 1980s to her appearance today. It's mad. Really mad.

This wasn't just a relationship it was an unresolved ADHD hyperfocus. Even a few weeks ago the thought of seeing him would have caused butterflies. I've been doing a lot of research into hyperfocus and realised I could give myself "permission " to switch off from the relationship. We're having a school/ pub drinking group reunion soon . I hope he comes just to say hi and catch up.like I will with everyone else.

I think you’re hyperfocusing now as well, on overanalysing something which is just a normal part of your past. You’re now in what, your late fifties? You’ve asked what people would say to their DDs, if my fifty-something DD was ruminating on her first boyfriend from decades ago and that he was only attracted to her for her nice boobs and what it all meant, I’d remind her that you were teenagers. Teenagers aren’t generally their finest selves, they’re emotionally immature, often shallow and self-absorbed, and still working out what a relationship actually is. A teenage boy thinking that his girlfriend’s looks and boobs and his mates envying him are the most important aspect of a relationship sounds fairly par for the course. Of course he grew up and realised that a relationship is about partnership and shared values and building a life together with somebody - as I imagine you did as well.

Yeah sure you are 😉

Its not just about you, or about them but about everyone in unity.

You need help.

This is not your ADHD, it's you.

In my experience, the most significant sexism comes from women, especially those who believe any of this holds real value.

You're saying it now!

Honestly, this is peculiar. Every response you give seems to get worse. So, you feel great because his wife is, in your eyes, less attractive than yourself? And I’m assuming a bigger lady from your choice of words. You think you got one over on her because you’re clearly faaarrr more gorgeous and thinner than her.
You sound very caught up on something that happened a while ago. Even a little immature too. How strange.

It has been FOUR DECADES since this teenage relationship ended. if you still had butterflies when thinking of him a few weeks ago, and you’ve been stalking him and his wife on Facebook recently, AND you’ve even started a thread on here so you can talk about him, I’d advise skipping that reunion.

Lots of people have ADHD. People on this thread will have ADHD. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD. I don’t recognise a 40-year ”hyperfocus” on an ex, when you’re apparently happily married, as being a normal ADHD thing, and I doubt many (or any) others will either.

But, if you genuinely think this is related to ADHD, speak to whichever team manages your medication - you might need it tweaked. Maybe also see if you can find a therapist to talk this through with so you can finally stop thinking about him.

i thought this was the 1980s?
peak fitness/work out time for women in particular?
I wasn’t born but my mums told me about step classes, jogging, jazzercise, EVERYONE was doing the fitness thing?
do you have a competitive nature?
I was the first at fitness…. I am so much better than her! I have the best body! I am soo beautiful!

Sorry that post makes me sound like an arse! “I wasn’t born” I meant I wasn’t born so didn’t experience it, but I’ve been told and can see from tv progs like the Goldbergs fitness was everywhere in the 80s!

I think youre getting hard time,OP. I get exactly what you are trying to say.

OP describing another woman as ‘dumpy’ in comparison to you is sitting extremely badly. And then trying to make some strange statement about self confidence and being ‘flashy and shown off’ is delusional. It’s humble bragging at best, deranged at worst. Are you in hospital due to a mental health crisis?